Ronon and Zalenka 4-Eva
copyright@2006
The Bad Summary (courtesty of delmar_slashers): Ronan is turned into a woman by Ancient technology & only can be turned back into a man once he gets pregnant by *Zalenka*. Babies should be twins & a bonding ceremony -think Vulcan- is a plus) Mpreg, gender bending, Ronon in a dress. My OTP rulz!!!
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A/N: Thanx for all the feedback so far. Unless you’ve said anything critical or even tried to suggest that *I* might need, like, a beta. Then you don’t count. But I love the rest of you. And you guys know the drill – if you want more, I expect at least TWENTY responses to this. The Ronon/Zalenka OTP is the BESTEST and I'd hate to have to stop writing the rest of the story. I've got a good hundred chapters more in me!
Chapter 107/??? – Ronon Thinks Dresses Are Itchy, But Zalenka Loves Them on Him And That’s Really Good Since He Needs to Get Knocked Up Soon...
The one part of being a girl that Ronon is having trouble with is the beard - how do dwarves do it - because his lipstick gets all over the whiskers and he thinks it makes him look ugly. It seems the ancestors had one weird sense of humor, but Zalenka swears it doesn’t take away from his feminine looks at all. Ronon pretends he doesn’t hear McKay’s exclamations of “good god that’s the ugliest woman ever created” and Sheppard’s smirks whenever Ronon scratches his nether regions.
Can he help it if the dresses he’s been given scratch against his skin? He’s a delicate flower.
“My delicate flower, it’s almost time for our bonding ceremony,” the sexiest Transylvanian (A/N – that’s like where he’s from, right?) scientist murmurs in Ronon’s ear. Ronon feels a shiver, a jolt, a prick run down his spine and Zalenka smiles into Ronon’s neck, whispering, “Soon you’ll be pregnant with our baby and then everything can return to normal.”
“I can’t wait,” Ronon replies. But he is lying. Because he can wait. He has fallen madly in love with the height-challenged genius and Ronon is afraid that all those feelings will fade away once he is a dude again.
Zalenka’s hands roam to the ruffles of Ronon’s dress and he utters, “You look beautiful.”
“Have you gone completely mad? He’s hideous,” McKay comments as he enters the room and makes his way over to the baby making machine.
Ronon glares at McKay. Ronon never has liked the Canadian know-it-all. But it is like the leader of Sheppard's country says in those speeches he's heard. Canadians are a tricky people whose opinions can’t be trusted.
Ronon is a delicate flower. With a beard, but still very pretty.
As though Zalenka can see into his (her) soul, he wraps his arms around Ronon and says, “Don’t listen to him. You’re gorgeous, baby.”
“Oh god. I think I’m going to be sick. Sheppard! Why do I have to be here again?” McKay whines.
Sheppard enters the room. Ronon notices how Sheppard never looks at him anymore. He briefly wonders if maybe the Colonel shares McKay’s opinion of Ronon’s looks. Sheppard points at Rodney and says, “You need to do...stuff...to ensure that the...”
“Insemination…” McKay interjects.
“Yeah. That. It has to happen so that we can get Ronon back.”
“I’m right here, Sheppard,” Ronon declares. Ronon is getting a bit annoyed with this treatment he recieves these days all because he's taken to wearing Catholic School girl skirts and tube tops. Didn’t he tolerate a lot from his team members? Did he shun Sheppard when he began turning into an insect? Has he ever been able to ignore McKay for long?
Teyla didn’t bother him usually. He used to have a crush on her, but now the thought makes him sick to his soon-to-be-swollen stomach. As if it is possible to love anyone except for Zalenka, his North Star, his home, his little Polish (A/N - Or is *this* where he’s from?) mad man.
“Let’s get it over with. I don’t want this to be the last image I have before I go to bed,” McKay complains.
“McKay...”
“It’s disturbing.”
“I don’t mind you insulting me, McKay, but you’ll be smart not to harass my love or I’ll turn my stun ray on you,” Zalenka says.
Ronon hopes that he gets to see Zalenka’s stun ray later.
To be continued...and the bonding ceremony will happen, but will it result in one baby or TWO?