Chapter Fifteen

Have you ever seen the movie Best Man? Well, Laney has an obsession (Yeah, I bet that shocks you. Laney overly-attached to an actor.) with Taye Diggs. There is this scene in the movie where Taye's character is found out by his girlfriend. He had almost hooked up with his college sweetheart and his girlfriend finds out about it. How does he respond? He just stands there at first. He doesn't really say anything. He can see the hurt on her face and the confusion in her eyes and he stands there like some stupid fucking moron. Then the woman won't hear him out and he doesn't have time to go into the emotional crap that would undoubtedly come up because he has to save his best friend's wedding.

So he almost loses her. Stupid fucking guy.

I never understood guys like that. Guys that are willing to let the most amazing girl, the woman that was put on this earth for him, go without so much as a fight. Call me a romantic, or follow Laney Jane's lead and call me a "girly loser", but that's what I'm like. I've always believed in soulmates and fate. I've always known that there was one girl that would be my everything-the most important person in my life beyond anything and everything.

I didn't expect it to be Laney Jane. I thought for sure that it was going to be Britney. Logically, Britney was the best choice for me, but of all people, I should have known that love wasn't logical. It threw me for a loop and I started to understand where Taye Diggs' character was coming from. Words couldn't do my confused bundle of feelings justice. I knew that I loved Laney and it was the best and worst feeling in the world.

So what was with the blond? Well, I hadn't intended to meet up with Nicholette (two T's, not one and don't you dare call her Nicki) but, when Todd and I were out on the town, I had bumped into her at a café downtown. My mind was pestering me with what Laney and Spencer were possibly doing together as I sat there picking at an eight-dollar muffin when she had approached my table and wouldn't leave me alone. I wasn't really in the mood for company.

However, Nicholette's hand on my thigh pulled me out of my own misery. I recognized that I was getting into dangerous territory. I should've walked away and explained that my heart was elsewhere, but girls like Nicholette didn't care about my heart as much as who I was. And that day, it was fine by me. It was something completely uncomplicated and a way to distract myself from the crazy thoughts in my head. I also thought, as half-assed as it sounds, that it was a good first step in getting over my feelings for Laney Jane and somehow Nicholette ended up in my limousine on her way back to the hotel with me.

I had no intention for Laney to see us together. She looked pissed off and hurt that I would blow her off for a 'plaything' as she called it. I yelled at myself to hop on the next elevator and go after her, but I couldn't make my feet move. I knew that if I followed her upstairs, I wouldn't be able to control my tongue. She would ask me what was wrong and everything would come spilling out. I couldn't allow myself to confess something that big to her and watch her push away from me completely.

Then again, I didn't expect her to hold true to her "forget you, Justin" mentality either. She had said things like that plenty of times in the past eight years and I could always get her to forgive me. I had thought that my apology email--the explanation that Nicholette was a bitch and that I hadn't meant for her to feel abandoned--would work. It didn't.

We were landing in New York after the week from hell in Japan and Laney still wasn't talking to me. I had emailed her about five times to see if we could get together while I was in town to force her to talk to me again, but I knew that I couldn't spend too much time with her yet. I was afraid to be too close to her. But I couldn't have her hating me and a week of distance in Laney time was the kiss of proverbial death.

"You guys have the evening off, but tomorrow at noon we have a meeting with the McDonalds people that Spencer set up," Johnny said reading over the itinerary as the van pulled away from the airport. He looked at me for a moment and added, "…I suggest you guys stay in tonight and get some sleep. You look like hell."

It was never a good sign when your manager was talking about your appearance with words like hell or shit. I rolled my eyes and focused on the passing cars. I closed my eyes, getting bored with the scenery rather quickly, but they popped open when I heard Spencer's muffled voice from next to me. I immediately knew who he was talking to (Call it radar or the fact that he whispered, "Laney") and I glanced down at my own phone. She was in her room. I could call her. I could make her talk to me and hear me out.

I could be her buddy, Justin, again without letting it slip that I had not-so-buddylike feelings for her. It was like Xander from the first season Buffy the Vampire Slayer. He was completely devoted to her and she was more interested in the aloof guy with nice eyes and dressed in black. She saw him as her Xander-shaped friend. I was Laney's Justin-shaped friend and she would never think of me like anything else. I had made sure of that. Laney used to talk about how stupid Buffy was not to see how adorable and funny Xander was. I was the one who always interrupted and said, "They're buds, Laney. You don't look at your bud as anything else." I had done this to myself, hadn't I?

I closed my eyes and leaned over subtly to eavesdrop a bit better.

"No plans for the evening…so I get to meet the infamous Steph and Dana huh? Damn Laney, don't scare me here. I don't do well with…what? He's good…"

I smiled but quickly covered it up when I caught Spencer glancing over at me. Eavesdropping didn't work as well if you were snagged doing it. I kept my eyes closed and waited for Spencer to continue, "…Don't worry so much…"

I smiled again. HA! She was worried about me. Maybe this was a sign that I should call her, but I couldn't do it in the van around Spencer. I wanted him as far away from my relationship with Laney as I could manage. If I had to put my love for her aside and pretend that everything was normal, I needed to keep him away from me.

And that was damn near impossible since he had made it his personal mission to befriend me. Whenever the other guys were going out to dinner or clubs in Tokyo, Spencer had stayed behind and bothered the hell out of me. He was like the new kid in grade school. If you made the mistake of sticking up for the kid when he was teased, he was suddenly your new best friend. I didn't need a new best friend. I loved the one I had…and honestly, he and I weren't anything alike. He read historical biographies for fun. He went to museums and, on our one day off in Japan, he had gotten a few of the guys to go on this stargazing boat cruise. How lame was that? Big loser.

I made my way to my room and Spencer ran up behind me, "Hey Justin?"

I groaned as I messed with the damn doorkey. One day I would learn how to open a fucking door on the first try to avoid people like Spencer. I leaned my head against the frame and looked at Spencer, "Yeah?"

"I have a favor to ask you."

Conversations that started like that were never good. I swiped the key again and practically fell into my room. I turned back to him and said, "You can come inside. I don't make a habit of staying in the halls. Girls get up here and all hell breaks lose."

"That was pretty scary at the airport in Japan."

My hands instinctively ran over the scratch marks on my neck and I gave him a phony smile, "It's no big deal." I dropped my bag on the extra bed and kicked off my sneakers. I asked, "What's up?"

"Laney's birthday is in a little over a month-"

I tried to hide my frustration. I really didn't want to talk about Laney with him. The past week he had been smart enough to bother me with small talk about sports and work. I wasn't ready to discuss my Laney Jane with him. I stood up and broke into the mini-bar, too lazy to go down the hall for a cheaper soda. I glanced in his direction, "Want anything?"

"No thanks. I have to get showered and ready in a few minutes. I'm having dinner with Laney's sister and Steph."

"They're in town?"

"Yeah. Her whole family is actually coming in for Easter tomorrow, but her sister came up early and Steph…I figured you knew that. Sometimes I think you know Laney's schedule better than I ever will."

I wasn't sure what to make of that and decided it was best to ignore it, "We've been pretty busy. Laney might have mentioned it to me and I forgot."

I don't think Spencer bought it, but I really didn't care. I wanted him to go away so I could call Laney and make her talk to me. I was going crazy the past seven days with her pissed off at me. This being selfless about my love was harder then I thought and I wasn't going to lose Laney all together. I might not have been able to have her as a girlfriend, but I would keep her as my friend. It wasn't up for debate.

Spencer took a seat on the edge of my bed and said, "Well, Laney's birthday…I want to get her something special…something that will show her how much I care about her without completely freaking her out."

"Good luck."

"I was actually hoping for a little more than luck," Spencer looked at me and added, "I was hoping you would help me figure out what to get her."

"Me?" I replied, nearly spitting up my soda on my shirt.

"Yeah…look, Justin. I know you're wary of me and I understand why."

That time I did spit up my soda all over my new Nike shirt. I groaned and Spencer said, "Put club soda on it and it'll get rid of the stain."

Why the hell was he babbling about club soda? I ripped the shirt off and threw it on the floor. I shrugged, "I can buy a new one."

"Okay…anyway, I know that you have some problems with me and I get it. I understand where you're coming from."

"You do?" I asked. If Spencer knew I was in love with Laney Jane…god, had he told her? No wonder she still wasn't talking to me. It wasn't because she was pissed off. It was because she was scared shitless of me.

"I'm the same way with my friend, Allie. She accuses me of acting like an overprotective older brother, but I don't want her to get hurt. So I get where you're coming from, Justin, and I assure you that I don't want to hurt Laney. She's special."

"She is. Laney is one of a kind," I said, digging into my bag for a new shirt. I pulled out one to my liking and let out a sigh of relief. I stared at him and asked, "Is that why you don't get jealous of my relationship with Laney?"

"Well, Laney's made it pretty clear that she thinks of you like a brother and that anything beyond friends is crazy…" he began. I knew it was true, but it wasn't exactly something I needed to hear given my recent realization. I was madly in love with Laney Jane and she thought of me the same way she thought of Dana. Life sucked. Spencer stood up and went on, "See…that's the look Laney gives me when I even mention it."

What was that?

Spencer kept talking even though I was wondering what he meant by Laney had the same look I did. Did that mean…was Chris right? But Chris was never right about anything.

"Anyway, I understand the stupid questions about dating your friend. Trust me. Allie and I actually used to date when we were in high school, but it didn't work out…so we get all the crap plus some."

"Your best friend is an ex-girlfriend?" I asked. I don't know why I cared, but I did.

"Well, we were friends before hand. She befriended me when I moved to Boston and when she turned fifteen she suddenly wasn't the tomboy anymore. We didn't work out as a couple and luckily we were able to fall right back into our friendship. Thank god for that. I'm not sure I'd know what to do if she wasn't there for me through some of the crap that's happened," Spencer stopped talking and said, "But you know how it is."

"Yeah," I said. I refused to like the guy. I wasn't going to like the guy. Just because I could relate to his life didn't mean that we'd be friends. He was bogarting the girl of my dreams.

Sure, he didn't know that…and it wasn't like I would act on anything even if Spencer weren't around. I couldn't risk losing Laney Jane-although it seemed I might have done that anyway-and…

You need to stop thinking about this. I thought you were going to get over it. So far you haven't gotten over anything. Make it stop.

"Anyway, I have to get ready, but I wanted to see if maybe you'd help me get Laney a gift."

"I'm sure she'd like anything-"

"This is the same Laney we're talking about right?"

"She's not a brat. She won't act ungrateful," I said, feeling defensive.

"No, I know that. Laney is nothing but courteous, unless you cut her off in the ATM line at Citibank, but I want to get her a gift that she likes."

"I don't know-"

"Justin, you know her better than anyone. I remember the look on her face when you got her that boat. That's the type of thing I need."

"But that boat was a private thing. It wasn't a big deal."

"It was a big deal to Laney. I don't want to end up taking her out to dinner and buying her flowers she'll throw away. I want to get her something that represents who she is and I figured you're the best person to turn to for help with that."

I raised my head upwards. I was beginning to think that the movie Dogma made a good point. God was definitely a woman. Only a woman would think this was funny. I gulped down the last of my soda and thought about it. This might be what I needed, an answer to my prayers. If I became friends with Spencer, it would put me back in the good graces of Laney Jane and I could be friends with the guy. If I was going to get over my lovey-dovey emotions, I needed to confront things head on. It would be hard, but I never backed down from a challenge before.

I forced a smile and replied, "Sure. I'll help you."

Spencer smiled and made his way to the door. He said, "Thanks, Justin. I appreciate this."

My eyes narrowed on him and I said bluntly, "You hurt her and I'll break your legs."

"Fair enough," Spencer replied. He waved at me and said, "Later man."

"Later. Good luck with Dana."

Spencer's eyes widened. I knew I should've felt guilty, but in fairness, I said I was going to try to like the guy. Note the word "try". It didn't mean I couldn't have some fun while I was at it. No need for me to suffer in silence without getting some meaningless enjoyment out of the deal. He fell right into place and asked, "Good luck?"

"Well, Dana's opinion matters to Laney."

"I got that idea from the way she talks about her sister but-"

"And Dana is a tough shell to crack. She's great once you get to know her but she's worse than Laney when it comes to letting people in…oh and if you resemble one of their older sister's past boyfriends? Forget it. Laney went on one date with this guy, Mike, last summer…he looked like Meredith's boyfriend, Brad, and Dana immediately took a disliking to him. Dana and Meredith don't really get along," I said. It was all true. I was omitting the part about how Dana wasn't extremely fond of me either.

"Great. No pressure there."

"And you've got Steph to deal with tonight too. She's got a mouth on her. Good luck, man. I'm glad I'm not you," I said with a huge phony grin. The fact of the matter was I wanted to be the one having dinner with Dana, Steph, and Laney.

"Thanks for the warning. I better make sure I'm not late then," Spencer said with another wave and closed the door.

I plopped down on the bed and stared at the phone for a few minutes. I turned on the television and glanced back at the phone. I moved my bag from the bed to the chair and glanced at the phone. I got the knot out of my shoelace and stared at the phone.

I was being ridiculous. It was Laney Jane. I had told her about the time that Lisa Sweeny had gotten my earring stuck in her braces. I could talk to her about anything--almost anything that did not include me admitting what she meant to me-and I needed to apologize. She would forgive me. She always did. Maybe she was waiting for me to call her and beg for understanding?

I dialed her number from memory and when Dana answered the phone I hung up. Laney was one thing, but Laney had most likely told Dana about the incident with Nicholette and she'd have a lecture prepared for me.

Get a grip, Timberlake. It's Dana.

I dialed the number again, "Hello?"

I wouldn't hang up. I wouldn't hang up. I would disguise my voice instead. I pinched my nose and replied in a high-pitched tone, "Is Laney there?"

"Justin Timberlake, you are the last person my sister needs to talk to."

Dammit. "Hi Dana."

"Don't 'hi Dana' me. What do you want?"

"Is Laney Jane there?"

"Not for you," she said and hung up the phone.

Considering what Laney probably told her, I thought that went incredibly well. I dialed back; this time not bothering with the disguise that didn't work. It was Dana again, "Are we going to start this game?"

"Would you please put Laney on the phone?"

"She's in the bathroom showering. We're going out tonight. I'm sure you know what that's like---most likely with pretty blondes while you leave my sister stranded."

"She wasn't stranded," I protested. I knew I should be quiet and accept any lecture Dana seemed fit, but really, Laney wasn't stranded. Spencer was there to rescue her. I probably did their relationship a favor, bringing them closer together and stuff.

"Justin, what do you want?"

"To talk to Laney."

"Well, she doesn't want to talk to you."

"I know she's upset with me, but I can't fix things if she won't-"

"Maybe this is unfixable. I should thank you. You finally got through to her when I couldn't. Your lifestyle isn't for my sister. She doesn't want to be the object of scorn or envy. She put her own insecurities aside and went with you. What do you do? You ditch her not once, not two times, but THREE times, Justin."

"I know. I'm sorry. Would you please tell her I'm sorry and that I can explain-that I can make it up to her? Please?"

"You're not a bad guy, Justin, and until lately you've always been a good friend to Laney, but you made your bed. Lie in it!"

She hung up the phone. Things were going incredibly well with this plan to get Laney to forgive me and maintain our friendship. I needed to get her on the phone. I needed to get past Dana and get her to talk to me. I knocked on the adjoining door and Lance opened the door, singing along with Lynyrd Skynyrd to "Sweet Home Alabama." I rolled my eyes and tossed him my phone.

His face contorted with confusion, "Thanks, but I've got my own. I've actually got three."

"I need you to call Laney for me."

"Do I want to know why?"

"Do it please. And don't say you're calling for me. Act casual. Act like you're calling to check on your new drinking buddy," I said, shooting him a death look for it.

"Yeah, right. I've told you twenty times. I didn't give her the alcohol," Lance replied. He took the phone from my hand, "The number?"

"It's saved. I called twice."

Lance raised his eyebrows, "Am I about to become the go-between in some sort of fight? Because I really don't need this to practice my peacekeeping skills. I can throw myself in the middle of Joey and Chris' fight over who gets the main suite."

"Not a go-between, more like a distraction," I replied with a pleading grin. When Lance rolled his eyes, I added, "Once you get her on the phone, I'll take over."

Lance hit the call button and muttered, "I don't know why I'm always the one who has to do this stuff.  For once can't you people bother JC!"

I leaned in so I could hear. Dana picked up the phone, "Justin, I swear to God-"

"Hi…uh…is Laney there? Is this a bad time?"

"Oh, I'm sorry. I thought you were someone else. Hold on a second," Dana dropped the phone and I heard her call out for Laney. Lance started to hand the phone to me, but I pushed it back at him.

"Hello?"

"Laney?"

"Lance?"

"Yeah. How are you?"

"Is everything okay? Did something happen to Justin?"

I couldn't help but smile at the worry in her voice. Ha! She still cared about me. This would be easier than I thought. I pulled the phone from Lance and replied, "Sorry, desperate measures were required to get through your answering service."

"What do you want?" she asked.

Her voice lost all concern and was replaced with hostility. It made me stutter and I tried to think out what to say, "Hi."

"You wanted to say 'hi'? Is that why you've called about ten times, Justin?"

"I get that you're mad at me but-"

"I don't have time for this right now. I've got plans."

"Laney, would you please-"

"It's always about you. I have to be there when you need me. I have to accompany you to things when you need support. I have to forgive you when you want me to," Laney ranted.

I stepped out of Lance's room and closed the door. I leaned against it, "Laney, please hear me out. I know you don't have to, but I'm asking you to."

"Not right now. I'm actually putting my life first for once. Deal with it!"

"Laney-"

"I'm hanging up now and don't even think about calling back, Justin. I know you're back in New York, but that doesn't mean I'm at your disposal. Find some other way to pass the time," Laney hollered into the phone and slammed it down.

Okay, she was still upset. She was more than upset. This was something I wasn't used to seeing out of Laney and I didn't know how to handle it. Why was she this upset? I know I had made a mistake and in her eyes I had let her down but didn't I deserve the chance to explain?

Do you hear him? He acts like I was the one acting inappropriately. It's totally like Justin to ignore his own inconsiderate behavior.

I needed to get away from him for a while. He had me so upset after the altercation by the elevators that I couldn't see straight through my blind rage. It wasn't like I couldn't comprehend his pain over breaking up with Britney. It wasn't like I wouldn't understand that he wanted to spend time with a beautiful model.

Why couldn't he tell me that? Was I asking too much?

I came to my own conclusions the whole flight home. Rather than studying and getting caught up on my reading like I should have, I spent the trip looking at family photos that belonged to the woman next to me and thinking about different hypothesizes regarding Justin's sudden personality change.

I realized that the problem wasn't really Justin. It was me. All this talk about separating myself from him and who he was to the world, and I was the one who always dropped everything for him. Of course, he usually wasn't as ignorant and bastard-like as he was the afternoon after the Oscars, but I encouraged him to take me for granted.

Don't get me wrong. I knew I took him for granted at times too. I presumed that we could avoid completely losing our friendship without accepting how famous he was-and no matter what he said, celebrity was a huge part of him. What did that say about us? What did it express about our inability to talk? As good of friends as we claimed to be, neither of us could voice any real problems. It wasn't normal and I needed to take some time and get away from him.

It also didn't hurt that I was still extremely pissed off with him. Rationally, I knew he didn't owe me any explanations. He was an adult and if he chose to have meaningless flings rather than deal with Britney dumping him, there was nothing I could do about it. Maybe Justin had worn off on me more than I knew or maybe it was some sort of symptom to a hangover, but all I felt was emotional. I hated the fact that he had blown me off. I despised the worry I had made myself susceptible to, thinking I had said something unforgivable to him. Worst of all, I loathed that stupid blond who was staring at me like I was road kill and Justin let her. I was used to other people making me feel like I didn't belong in Justin's world. Honestly, I was used to making myself feel that way, but Justin never had before.

Stupid bastard. Why did it bother me so much? It wasn't healthy to be this attached to a friend. It wasn't like my life revolved around Justin Randall Timberlake, idiot extroardinaire. I had other friends. I had a life. It even looked like I had a boyfriend whom was willing to subject himself to an evening with my sister and best gal pal.

I ordered myself not to let Justin win this test of wills or ruin my evening. He was in town for a week. I'd deal with him later. At that moment, I reserved the right to freak out about Spencer more than anything else. I was entering foreign territory and I didn't fathom how I had gotten talked into this stupid dinner in the first place. It was so couple-esque, so not me.

My mind deviated back to thoughts of Justin as my sister and Steph tried to bombard me with accolades for not forgiving him. They both knew how easily he could charm me and make me forget my derision and anxieties. They didn't understand it any better than I did, but they had come to expect it. Steph made it clear that I had to make him grovel more and she mentioned the words "money" and "shopping spree", jokingly of course.

"Laney, I worry that you're going to forgive him too easily," my sister said, pulling her hair off her face and holding it back with a clip.

"I will not," I lied. I decided to pretend I possessed much more inner-strength than I did and said, "He's not going to get out of this by barraging me with phone calls and emails."

Dana stared at me doubtfully, "What about when he shows up at your door with some stupid movie?"

"Movies aren't stupid."

"Don't ignore the question," Dana demanded. She peered at me curiously and explained, "Justin knows how to weasel his way out of trouble, Laney. He brings over one of those movies that only the two of you enjoy and you fall right back into the same routine you guys have had since you saw Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II together."

"A terrible movie like that bonds people together for life," I retorted.

"Laney…" Dana said, her voice imbibed with admonition.

"Well, it's true. It reminds me of this story I read about two co-workers who survived a shooting spree at their job. They really had nothing in common but they bonded over a horrific incident that only those two understood."

Dana rolled her eyes, "Are you comparing your bond with Justin to that which sufferers of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder have?"

I glanced in the direction of the bathroom when I heard a bottle crash and Steph muttering. I ignored it and replied, "Dana, have you seen Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II with the very special cameo by Vanilla Ice?"

"No."

"Then don't question the veracity of my collation between the two." I chewed on my lip and went on, "If you know I'm going to forgive him, why are you bringing this up?" I brushed my hair with my fingers and added, "Justin knows he made a mistake and it's really none of my business what he does…"

"Or who he does," Steph added, appearing from the bathroom. She glanced over my room and complained, "It's not fair. My roommate and I share a cubicle in New Jersey with a community bathroom and you get this spacious room in New York City with a working shower and toilet of your very own. Tell me how that happened, huh?"

"That you chose to live in a state that has more toxic dumps than schools? I'm still trying to figure that one out, Steph," I replied with a smirk.

"Ha, ha. My friend, the comedian," Steph said, falling on to my bed. Her eyes fell on my Vanity Fair magazine. She picked it up and moaned, "It's not fair. You got to hang out with Matt Damon AND Lance. If you weren't such an insecure nitwit, I'd be pissed off. Bitch."

I laughed and responded, "So I guess telling you how cool he was would only infuriate you more?"

Steph growled and Dana looked at us both like we were five years old. She shook her head and said, "Well, if you don't have the good sense to be angry with him, I'll have to be enraged on your behalf. I should tell dad that he abandoned you at a Hollywood Party and make Justin endure one of his infamous lectures."

"Let it go, Dana."

"Why do you tolerate such insolence from the guy, Laney? I know he's important to you, but he takes you for granted."

I shrugged, "And I take him for granted. People take the people in their lives for granted. It's the way it works. We fuck up the ones we care about the most."

Dana frowned, "That is a lovely sentiment to maintain. I'm further convinced that Meredith dropped you on your head as a child when she was babysitting."

"Yeah, and I'll have you know I appreciate every single person in my life and often wish bad things to happen to them," Steph piped in with a lecherous grin.

Dana rolled her eyes and I said, "And you wonder why Roger said you were scary."

"He didn't use the word 'scary'. That's too big of a word for a man whose career ambition is to be the Philadelphia Phillies' mascot. Leave it to me to date the one guy who wants to spend his life in a green furry costume."

The apartment buzzer went off and Steph and Dana exchanged scheming glances. Steph pushed me into my chair and Dana leapt for the buzzer. "Hello?"

I tried to go over to the door, but Steph blocked my way.

"Laney, can you let me up?"

"How long have you been dating?" Dana asked me before hitting the speak button. She said, "I think you're confused."

"What?"

"I'm not Laney," Dana answered simply. She stepped away from the buzzer, without letting Spencer in, and walked over to the window. She looked down to the entrance and said, "I think I see him…not bad Melanie Jane. He's tall and dresses nicely. Does he have a profuse perspiration problem like the last one?"

I stood up and complained, "Do not go there, Dana. Not all of us meet our first boyfriend, our Mr. Perfect, in the university library and pledge undying devotion."

Dana waved me off with her hand and continued to peer down at Spencer. To make matters worse, Steph ran over to the window. She waved down to him and she turned around to face me and commented, "Damn Laney, I need to start wearing your perfume. How do you find these hot guys?"

"What are you doing?" I demanded as I watched both my sister and evil friend waved again.

Steph laughed, "He seems a bit confused, but he's waving back."

I hit the buzzer so the door would open and prayed for this nightmare to be over. I was going from one extreme to another. Justin hated Spencer while Steph and Dana were already overly attached. This was going to be a long night.

And it was a long night. I had to handle these sideward glances from my sister while Steph continuously whispered questions like, "Is it true what they say about long fingers?" I wanted to die. It wouldn't have surprised me if Spencer went to pay the check and never came back again.

Spencer and I managed to walk a bit behind Steph and Dana as they talked about the crazy lady sitting next to Dana on the subway. It was the first minute of quiet all evening and I was trying to stop contemplating what all of this meant. I had told myself when I first started this whatever with Spencer, that I was going to learn not to overanalyze everything.

So far it wasn't working.

Spencer wrapped his arm around me and said, "Tonight was entertaining."

"Mortifying is a word that also works."

"Why would you say that?"

"Don't pretend like my sister's interrogation tactics didn't freak you out a bit."

Spencer shrugged, "Only because I know that your sister's opinion is important to you."

"Well, I'm still friends with Justin and he drives her crazy."

"You actually said his name without a scowl," Spencer said nudging me in the side.

"Really? That's surprising considering he called me about five times tonight. I keep asking myself why I put up with him," I replied. It felt strange to talk about my fight with Justin with Spencer. I didn't grasp why it would bother me, but it did.

"He's a friend," Spencer said. He went into his pocket and pulled out a cigarette. He lit it and took a drag before going on, "I think he's starting to get used to me. We talked tonight and I understand where he's coming from."

"Well, I don't."

"He's worried about you, Laney. You're like a sister to him and all big-brothers are a bit circumspect of guys who pay too much attention to their sisters," Spencer replied.

"Do you see how he's not my brother? He's my friend."

"Guys don't differentiate like that. We're protective of the females in our life," Spencer glanced at me and added, "Justin told me that if I hurt you, he'd break my legs."

"Oh, he's my hero," I replied with fake jubilation. My eyes locked on Spencer's, causing me to stop moving for a second or two, and I shivered under the intensity in his gaze. It was scary. Spencer had passed the last test that I could think of to prove that he was really some sort of psycho. No one got around my sister's radar and she seemed to really like him. I knew the minute he mentioned his affinity for John Lennon and the Beatles that he had won her over. Dana loved nothing more than discussing the lyrics of Beatles songs and she and Spencer had bored us all with "John's various emotional states" during dinner.

Spencer removed his jacket and placed it on my shoulders. He smiled and asked, "Are you okay, Laney?"

"Yeah. Just…" I stopped. I was feeling panicky. There was nothing standing in the way of me falling in love with this guy. This was not a good thing in my book. Love was fine and dandy once you had some idea of who you were on your own, but I was likely to turn into some emotional sap if I didn't watch it. I smiled reassuringly, "I'm okay. I'm tired and tomorrow my parents fly in for the weekend to examine my lifestyle choices."

"I'm sorry I won't get to meet them."

"Don't be. My father scares me sometimes and we're related."

"I bet he's not that bad at all. Try spending a weekend with my Uncle Francis. That is going to be a nightmare. I want to tell him that business has me tied up down here, but I'm scared he'll come down, drag me out of my room, and shove me in a car destined for Boston."

I laughed at the thought of an older man showing up and carrying Spencer out of his hotel room. When I caught Spencer's bewildered look, I shrugged, "Sorry, I was imagining that."

Spencer took another puff of his cigarette as we caught up with the others at the street light before my building. He threw it in the street and said, "You think I'm kidding, but the man doesn't care about embarrassing a twenty-two year old. He says, 'Spencer, you're the child, I'm the elder.'"

"We should introduce him to my father. They'd get along smashingly," I replied. Smashingly? Was I suddenly British? What the hell was wrong with me?

We stopped in front of my building. Spencer extended his hand to Dana and then to Steph. Steph patted him on the arm and said, "You've got my blessing. Any guy that can work Kurt Vonnegut into casual conversation is a winner in my book."

"Steph…" I warned.

Spencer winked at Steph and cut me off, "Well, that's good to know."

Dana said, "I would be forever grateful to you if you could email me the pictures of those John Lennon sketches you have."

"Sure. I'm out of town for a few days, but when I get down to Orlando, I'll get those to you. And if you want a few of those albums too, let me know. They're taking up space in storage."

And, out of character for Dana, she smiled and patted his arm affectionately, "That would be great. I would be forever indebted to you."

Oh my god. What kind of magical powers did Spencer possess? I knew my mouth was gaped open in shock and when Spencer turned to focus on me, I quickly shut my mouth and forced a smile. He kissed me, in front of my sister and Steph, and said, "I'll call you when I get down to Orlando and get settled in."

"Okay," I replied. I wasn't sure what else to say. I was like the commitment-phobic guy in every romantic comedy. I had the perfect person in front of me, completely devoted to me, and I was hoping he would turn and go away. I knew it wasn't healthy and that I had to somehow get over it. A smart girl wouldn't let a guy like Spencer get away. He was funny, normal, sweet, smart…

He was the guy you kept around.

But I pulled back before he could kiss me again and said, "Have a safe trip." I noticed Steph staring at me with a get-over-it look and I waved for emphasis.

If Spencer was upset, he didn't let it show. He smiled and said, "Goodnight. It was really nice to meet you guys."

I hurried into the building and Steph asked, "What the hell was that, Melanie Jane?"

"What was what?"

"My sister provides us with a classic example of fear of relationships. She was hoping that you and I would hate him, giving her the perfect excuse to break up with him," Dana replied as we got in the elevator.

"Your sister is stupid if she lets that hottie with a body get away," Steph replied as if I wasn't with them. She spun around, slapping me in the face with her hair, and said, "Have I mentioned he quoted Kurt Vonnegut and he got my jokes?"

"I think that's more of a detriment than anything, Steph," I replied with a smile.

"Again, you're a veritable comedian tonight, Laney."

I met two pairs of quizzical eyes as the elevator doors slid open and I made my way down the hall. I tried to ignore it and act like nothing was wrong. And there wasn't anything wrong. I had to…why did he have to kiss me in front of my sister and Steph? I had managed to avoid pondering our entire relationship until he kissed me in front of family. I hated that crap. I said, "It's no big deal. Spencer is a great guy and I really like him, but…I've never done the boyfriend thing without it blowing up in my face. What if I get all attached to him and then one morning he runs off with one of the musicians he's working for?"

Steph burst out laughing. She quickly explained, "I'm sorry. I had this image of Spencer and Joey Fatone skipping through a meadow together."

My sister and I exchanged looks before breaking out into a fit of laughter. I sighed, "Well, that's one way to look at it. Oh yuck, that image is going to stick."

Yeah. Wonderful. Spencer is an amazing guy that the whole world loves. I think we all know that by now, Laney Jane. No need to harp on it any further please.

Somebody is jealous.

I'm not jealous. Dana loves me in her own way and Steph and I have a mutual disrespect for one another. It works. If anything, it proves my point that Spencer isn't normal if he can win those two over in three hours. And I bet they didn't see his dorky CD collection-Fine Young Cannibals and Hootie and the Blowfish? That would frighten anyone away…except my best friend.

Whatever Justin.

Don't whatever me. I was miserable and forced to suffer in a desolate hotel room, watching some Eric Roberts movie about aliens on HBO with Chris, and running up a mini-bar tab that would set me back hundreds of dollars. Do you know what that's like?

I think it went without saying that things hadn't gone well with Laney and I spent most of the night thinking about all the fun Spencer was having with Laney Jane when it should've been me. I kept thinking about what she was wearing and how she smelled like baby shampoo. I wondered if maybe I should have risked it all and told her what was going on. I could have at least gotten one kiss in before she knocked me unconscious. I bet she was the perfect kisser considering the way her bottom lip pouted out when she was angry and…God, I was in trouble.

And Laney wasn't forgiving me.

I needed her to forgive me or my whole "if you love her, let her go" philosophy was completely worthless. It also didn't help that Chris had showed up at my door to keep me company and decided to drive me completely insane.

"Are you going to be like this for the rest of your life?" Chris asked, pulling a beer out of my mini-bar. He fisted the bottle under his shirt and pulled the cap off. He flung it in the trash and continued, "…It's not a pretty sight, Justin. We have a ton of publicity to do, MTV is going to be filming all of our rehearsals for the tour special, and you're Mopey Dwarf, the lost link to Snow White."

"Fuck you."

Chris shook his head, "All this hostility directed at the wrong person. You're a secret self-loather. You think you're not good enough for Laney and that's the real problem."

"What part of 'we're not discussing this any more' did you not understand?" I asked. I flipped through the stations when Eric Roberts began to make some impassioned plea to the government for help-even I had my limits.

Chris held up his bottle, "You've driven me to drink. I hope you're satisfied."

"Chris…"

"Justin, you need to explain to Laney what's going on. Look how long it took you to get a clue! Go to the girl, declare your intentions, and get rid of Spencer."

"Oh yeah. That will win Laney over. She's already reamed me three different times about the way I treat him."

"But she doesn't know that you're jealous," Chris glanced at me and said, "I'm sure if the five of us got together we could think of a way to send him back to Britney's entourage."

"Don't do anything. Let it go. Nothing is going to happen between Laney and me. I want her happy."

"Altruistic behavior went out with the nineties. John Hughes and Julia Roberts aren't going to come along and fix things for you, Justin. The kind of self-sacrificing bullshit-love you're caught up in doesn't exist outside of Falcon Crest. Get yourself the fucking girl. I'm sick of watching you lock yourself up in a hotel room, play that stupid 'Can't Cry Hard Enough' song, and write bad limericks about a girl and a clown. It's pathetic. We're musicians, man. We're supposed to be the epitome of cool and you make us look like wusses."

I glared at Chris. I reached for my Mountain Dew, downing the last of it, and said, "Is this your idea of a pep talk?"

"No."

I flipped the television off when I couldn't find anything to hold my interest. I tossed the remote on to the other bed and said, "I was going to say that you were slipping in the pep talk area."

"I do not slip. I'm purposely trying the tough love approach since you're obviously too damn hardheaded for your own good. We've established that you love Laney. We've established that you want Laney in the biblical sense-"

My face reddened and I exclaimed, "Chris!"

"Well, you do. Don't tell me otherwise. I'm a guy. I know what guys think about."

"You can go away now," I ordered, pointing to the door.

Chris made no effort to move. He leaned back in his chair, took a sip of his beer, wiped the foam off his mouth with his sleeve, and stated, "I told you to tell her how you felt. I said, 'Be honest and save yourself the headache.' Do you listen to me? Noooooo."

"Shut up."

"This is pathetic, Justin---even for you."

"What part of shut up don't you understand?" I complained, throwing a pillow at his head.

Chris glared at me. He took the pillow and swung it around making weird Kung-Fu movie sounds. He said, "Don't mess with the Bruce Lee fan, stupid."

I threw another pillow at him and whacked him in the face. I replied, "Sara Lee is more appropriate with the way you've been eating lately, tubby bitch."

Chris attacked me with the two pillows and I reached for the ones on the other bed. I shielded myself from Chris' pummeling and rolled to the other end of the bed. He pointed at me, "Who are you calling tubby? Just because I don't get mistaken for an anorexic…I'm going to kick your bony ass all the way back to Orlando."

"Go ahead and try!" I hollered. I was caught off guard when a sneaker hit me right in the face and I stumbled backwards. I dropped the pillows and huffed, "You're DEAD, Chris!"

I jumped over the bed and tackled him to the ground. He shielded himself from the blows and I started to laugh when he cried out, "Not the nose. Not the nose."

I let him go and said, "You should have told that to the high school bully who broke it the first time."

"Very funny," Chris straightened his shirt and said, "Now that you've gotten that out of your system, I only have one thing to say to you."

I folded my arms and he replied, "I told you so, you big baby." He grabbed his beer and hurried out into the hall. I chased after him, but he ran over to Lonnie and smirked in my direction. I stepped back inside my room, slammed the door, and decided it was best to wallow alone. Who needed friends anyway? Who needed Laney Jane?

Okay, so I did. I missed being able to call her up when I stumbled upon a crappy movie starring Richard Grieco on cable. I missed the way she played with her hair. I even missed how she picked on my clothes and hair all the time.

You weren't going to think about her. You were going to get over her. Wasn't that the plan? You're going to help Spencer show how much he cares about her and move on. Moving on is good. Think about something else…

I picked up the pillows off the floor and rubbed the side of my face. For a weakling, Chris sure could pack a wallop. My cellphone had ended up on the floor somehow and I stared at it, wishing I knew what to do. Not thinking about Laney was proving to be pretty damn hard. I glanced at the clock. It was after nine. Laney might have been home already…or I could go down the hall and see if Spencer was back…or I could leave her a voicemail. She couldn't hang up on a voicemail.

My hand was shaking and I decided to dial a different number. I could practice this apology thing so that Laney couldn't hate me even more. It rang about six times and finally she got on the phone, "Justin, this better be an emergency…"

"I'm sorry, Britney."

"You called me at three a.m. my time to tell me you're sorry?"

"Yeah. No matter what you're my friend and I…I'm sorry about everything."

I heard blankets rustling and the creak of her getting out of bed. She yawned into the receiver and said, "What's wrong?"

"You were right about everything. I'm sorry. I never meant-"

"What finally clued you in?"

"It was a bunch of things, but I think the overwhelming desire I had to kiss Laney was pretty much a give away," I replied. I cradled the phone against my ear as I scrounged through what was left in the mini-bar and pulled out the last can of soda and a bag of M&M's. I ripped the bag open and said, "I hate the blue M&M's."

"Remind me to pick you up a bag solely made up of blue ones when I'm in Vegas next time."

"Funny Brit."

"Are you going to tell me what happened? Or am I going to have to drag it out of you and deprive both of us of priceless resting time?"

"Laney hates my guts."

"What did you do?"

"Why do-Laney was the same way when we broke up. She wanted to know what I did wrong. Is it the general consensus amongst the people I love that I'm the screw up in relationships?"

Britney laughed and it felt good to know that I could still amuse someone. She sighed, "Well, Justin, sometimes you're pretty senseless about things. We take it with a grain of salt."

"Great."

"So she didn't take your declaration of love well?"

"Well, I actually-"

"You didn't tell her? It's like you never learn, Justin."

"She's dating Spencer. I'm the one that is responsible for them dating and-"

"Stop making excuses. You're a big baby sometimes."

"That's what Chris said."

"You were hoping you'd call me and I'd go along with you."

"I was hoping…"

"Those days are over, J. I'm not your girlfriend anymore. It's not my job to ease your mind. You need to tell Laney how you feel."

I dropped the phone for a minute to avoid screaming. I came back and said, "I can't."

"J, you have to. It's only going to get worse."

"It's already worse. I freaked out when I realized that you were right and I brought this stupid model…well, Laney is mad at me and she won't talk to me at all. She's never done that before. I've always at least gotten emails. I don't even get that this time. I might lose her and I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do now."

"Calm down."

"Calm? I can't be calm!"

"J, deep breathes. It's Laney. She's seen you at your best and worst."

"Exactly the problem. Spencer told me tonight. She thinks of me like a brother."

"She doesn't think of you like a brother," Britney countered.

"Yes, she does. And I've always thought that's how I-I'm in love with her and there is nothing I can do about it. She doesn't love me like that."

"I'm sorry."

"It sucks," I moaned, falling on to the bed and staring up at the ceiling.

"It really does. You want to lock them in a closet and refuse to let them out until they feel the same way you do."

I started to feel even guiltier for hurting Britney and saying terrible things to her the last time we talked. I said, "I'm really sorry about everything."

"I know you didn't do it on purpose."

"I honestly didn't know-"

"I know that. You're a fucking moron, but I believe you. It will work out, Justin. Have a little faith."

"I think I've lost faith in things like love and together forever," I muttered, rubbing the sleep out of my eyes. Even when we had time for rest, I couldn't stop thinking about things with Laney long enough to shut my eyes. It was starting to drive me crazy.

"Only a romantic would say something like that," Britney countered. Neither of us said anything for a minute. We listened to each other breathing into the phone and finally she went on, "Guess what? Spencer's friend, Doug, is actually a decent guy. It's been awhile since I hung out with a normal guy who does laundry and uses things like public transportation."

"This seems strange."

"You mean that we're talking about you being in love with someone else and me telling you that I'm flying to London this weekend to go to a soccer game with Doug?"

"Yeah, that would be it," I replied.

Britney laughed, "We were friends long before we dated, J. I'd like us to get back to that at some point. Not right away…everything happened and you're still too important to me but, ya know in a few months…"

"I do miss you."

"I know. I miss you too. Now, what do you plan to do about Laney?"

"Nothing. You can't convince me otherwise."

"I've learned not to try. You're too stubborn. If I keep repeating for you to tell her, you'll be old and gray before you finally admit your feelings to her. So I'll let it go."

"Thank-"

Britney cut me off, "But you're being stupid. You're scared and it's making you act like an idiot."

"You've met Laney. What do you think she'll do if I tell her?"

"She's a bigger baby than you are when it comes to love. She's going to run."

"Exactly."

"She's run before, Justin, and you've always chased her."

I rolled my eyes and replied, "I can't. Not on this."

"Fine. I need to get some sleep. I'm glad you called."

"I'm glad I called too. Thanks for-I know this is---"

"Weird? Bizarre? Against God's Plan?"

"Yeah. All of those. Have fun with Doug. Tell him he better treat you right, or he'll have to deal with a very unpleasant popstar."

Britney giggled, "We're entering a really freaky place right now, J. Goodnight."

"I'll talk to you later," I said. I hung up the phone and drank the last of the soda. If I kept downing Coke like this, I was going to develop an ulcer and I'd never get any sleep. Not that I had gotten much sleep at all the past week. I couldn't get Laney out of my head and she was starting to invade my dreams, which wasn't necessarily a bad thing, if you get my drift.

I paced around the room, trying to keep my mind off Laney. Britney was right. I was acting like a baby. I mean I wasn't going to tell her that I was in love with her. That was suicide. No. I had to find a way to apologize for being a jerk without giving my feelings away. If that meant listening to Dana lecture me on my over-excessive lifestyle, so be it.

I dialed Laney's number again. I prepared myself for her to lash out at me, but the phone kept ringing. She still wasn't home yet. That probably meant dinner went well. With the way the month was going, Laney was probably engaged.

I waited for her voice mail to pick up and said, "Laney Jane, I know you said not to call back, but I never listen to anything you say. I'm really sorry…truly sorry…utterly at your mercy here. I know your family is here for Easter, but would you please call me at some point before we leave on Tuesday morning? I never meant to hurt your feelings, Laney. Things are really crazy for me and I…I'm sorry and I miss you."

I hung up the phone, threw away the evidence of my mini-bar raid, and turned out the light. I closed my eyes and tried to figure out how the hell I was going to get my friendship with Laney back on track. There had to be something I could do that I hadn't thought of yet. There had to be some way to show her how much she meant to me without actually showing her how much I loved her.

I sat up when I had a crazy thought. What if Chris and Britney were right? I had this amazing flash of what could be brilliance if it was executed correctly. Barely anyone knew Laney Jane as well as I did-even Spencer realized that-and I could work that to my advantage. My mind was hammering out possibilities and although I knew I shouldn't entertain these thoughts, I was going to. What else did I have to lose?

I threw on my flip-flops and ran down the hall to Chris's room. He was involved in a Playstation game with Joey and I hopped in front of the television to get their attention. My eyes narrowed on Chris and I said, "I need help."

Chris tried to see around me and said, "Tell me something I don't know, but Johnny told me our schedule's too busy to permit time for you to do a stint in the insane asylum."

"Chris, I'm serious. I need help."

"I'm sorry, but is someone who referred to me as a tubby bitch asking for help?" Chris said, pausing the game and raising his hand to his ear for effect.

"Chris…" I started to respond.

Joey interrupted, "What do you need?"

"I want to have dinner with Laney."

"Pick up the phone, call her, and take her to a restaurant. Girls supposedly love the Rainbow Room," Chris replied with a smirk.

Joey stood up and looked at me strangely. He then turned to look at Chris and smiled, "Is he-" Joey spun around to face me and winked, "You sly dog! You're going for it with the spit-fire!"

"Chris, you've got a fucking big mouth…and yes, Joey…well, maybe…"

Chris jumped up and asked, "You're going to tell her?"

"We'll see."

"What do you mean 'we'll see'? I'm not going to bother helping you with a big extravaganza and have you screw it up by being you!"

I almost attacked him but Joey put his hands on my shoulders. He said, "Consider it done."

I stared at the two of them. What was I doing? I knew this would only blow up in my face. It had to be the lack of sleep or all the caffeine talking. I said, "First thing you guys have to do is get Laney to dinner. She's not talking to me."

Chris yawned, as if unimpressed by my mission, and replied, "Not a problem. We'll have Lance take care of that. But we've got to do something with you. You and your mediocre little fears need work. Maybe we could write a script out for him and he would only answer questions with that? Do you think that would work, Joe?"

Joey shrugged, "I'm not sure. Did you see Model Behavior? He can't act for shit."

"Guys…"

Chris smiled, "Stick with us, Justin. We're going to get you the girl."

"But I want-"

"You want the girl," Chris said.

I looked between my two friends and nodded, "I want the girl."

feedback

chapter sixteen

nsync stories