Chapter Fourteen
(Thirteen is an evil number)
I bet you're all staring precariously at your screen silently praying, "Forget Laney, bring me Justin's sage words. What's this? I said forget Laney!"
Well too bad. That would be too simple and straightforward for us. You see, as much as Justin and I like to live under the pretense that our relationship has always been uncomplicated and genuine, I have since realized that straightforward has never been our strong point.
So why start now?
I can honestly say that I don't recall much after Justin ditched me and Matt Damon offered to introduce me to the world of hard liquor. I'm sure Mothers Against Drunk Driving and right wing Americans are reading this and inevitably rushing to yell, "See. The horrors of the celebrity world rear their ugly head once again." Well, to be frank, peer pressure is a bitch, especially when it comes in the form of a hot actor who says the word "fuck" with such vehemence and exudes nothing but sexual energy…if he had asked me to take a trip on acid, I'm not sure I would've refused. So much for being an independent woman who doesn't care what people think. It's all a sham. I'm a weak-willed fraud when it concerns my obsessions.
What does this have to do with anything? Nothing really. I'm simply trying to avoid getting to anything of sustenance because it's still pretty weird. The morning after the Oscars marked the beginning of a really strange time…and, for the first time in my life, I doubted my friendship with Justin. I know you're all thinking "she's done that before" but what I mean is that I was seriously angry with him. In the history of our friendship, in all our fights, I had never been really mad at him.
All of that was about to change…but I'm getting ahead of myself.
I awoke the morning after the Oscars and was a bit befuddled. I had no idea how I got to my room and why I hadn't changed out of the stupid dress that was now blinding me with the beads on the collar. I stood up and fell back down into my bed rather quickly. Ever see Willy Wonka and The Chocolate Factory? The first time Grandpa Joe tries to stand up? That was me. The room was quite possibly spinning before my eyes-like I was in one of those Sixties noir movies with the techno colored swirls on the screen. Trippy.
I groaned and felt slightly nauseous. I tried to recall how much I had actually drunk the night before and made a solemn vow never to do it again. This agony was not worth it. I couldn't move. I was paralyzed from the waist down and wished that it extended up further so I wouldn't feel the clippers chopping at my insides like a crazed landscaper.
I heard knocking on my door and moaned out, "Coming." It was probably Justin. He was coming to gloat because he knew that I had gotten drunk. JC and Joey ran to his room first thing in the morning to tattle how Lance and I had forsaken them and ran off with actors.
I caught myself in the mirror as I passed by. I looked horrible. I was never a vein person, but Jesus, at that moment, I was shocked the mirror didn't crack into a hundred pieces. My mascara had run and I looked like some Goth freak that got doused with a sprinkler while the forced curls in my hair had attacked each other in a restless sleep and were now permanently melded together.
I groaned and opened the door slowly. I blinked when I saw him standing there and closed the door on him as fast as I could. Oh this wasn't happening. We weren't dating long enough for this. My mother once told me that until she had the wedding ring on her finger she didn't let my father see her at anything other than her best. (Yes, my mother and Meredith are the same person. It made it impossible to convince her that she was adopted as a child.)
I heard him laugh as he knocked on the door again. He called, "Laney? What's wrong?"
"Uh…could you give me a few minutes?" I moaned. I perused the immediate area for a brush or a paper bag to throw over my head. It wouldn't help. I looked like crap. Dwight Moody once said, "Character is what you looked like in the dark." He must've had a few mornings where he looked like road kill too.
"Can I come in or are you going to make me stand out in the hall all morning?"
I cracked the door open, trying to hide my raccoon eyes, and questioned, "What are you doing here?"
"Didn't Justin tell you?"
"Tell me?"
"He said he's been talking to Britney so I assumed-" Spencer stopped and put his fingers on the edge of the door. He pushed against it lightly and continued, "I got brought into to handle some business deals for Nsync. I figured you knew…I've been trying to call you the past week or so and I never get through."
"I know. Sorry. It's been crazy in the world of Nsync. I'm so glad it's not my life on a regular basis," I paused and glanced down at my dress, "So very glad."
"Does this constitute as the few minutes I was giving you or are we going to spend the rest of the morning talking through a crack in your door?" Spencer asked his amused eyes trying to sneak a peek inside.
I closed the door and cried out in pain. Spencer knocked, "Uh Laney? Your hair is stuck in the door."
I whimpered, "I know."
"Maybe you should open the door."
I opened the door and snapped, "It's way too early in the morning for you to be so logical, Spencer."
His eyes widened and I saw him trying not to laugh. I threw my hands up in the air, "Go ahead. Make a comment. God knows if it were Justin, he would have plenty to say."
Spencer surprised me by wrapping his arms around my waist and hugging me. He replied, "You're a sight for sore eyes, Laney…"
I pulled back, "Wow. Nice. I should keep you around."
"…But I think you're a bit overdressed for breakfast.'
I rolled my eyes, "I'm starting to realize that you're a smartass." I went into the drawers and pulled out jeans and a shirt. I clutched at my head and said, "Word of advice. Never let someone convince you that a Mind Eraser is like a black and white shake."
Spencer grabbed me from behind and sat me on the bed. He looked at me with concern and asked, "How much did you drink last night?"
"I'm not sure," I leaned forward and complained, "I think I'm going to throw up."
"Okay, it might be a good idea to get you into the bathroom. I'm not sure the maids will like you if you leave that kind of mess for them to clean up," Spencer said, heaving me to my feet and walking me towards the bathroom.
I looked up at him and said, "I look like Jabba the Hut."
"I promise you that's not the case. I happen to be a shallow male and I wouldn't waste my energy on winning the heart of a girl that looked like Jabba the Hut," Spencer replied. He pushed my hair back and knelt me down in front of the toilet. He turned on the faucet and grabbed a glass of water. He gave me this pathetic look which I couldn't make out-was he wondering what the hell he had gotten himself into or was this a been there-done that sympathy look?
He went into the other room and brought the clothes in I had dropped on the floor. He tossed them on to the bathroom tiling and said, "I'm going to run downstairs. I know the guaranteed remedy for a hangover. It's disgusting, but it will work."
"Whatever. I have to get on a plane today. I can't be sick and fly home."
"Okay. Remember I warned you when you threaten to cut me loose over the nasty aftertaste."
I made my best impression of a smile and said, "If my head weren't pounding, I'd think of something witty to say."
He chuckled. Spencer normally had a nice laugh but, at the precise moment in time, it sounded like his laugh had been recorded and played back at a super-fast speed. I watched him leave and heard the door shut. Why was my hearing super-sensitive all of a sudden? I clamped down on my lip in pain and tried to ignore the sickness.
All the while, I created a new mantra.
Never going to drink again…never going to drink again…never going to drink again…dear god, I'm never gonna drink again.
How had people like Janis Joplin or Charlie Sheen drank on a regular basis? I felt like I had diphtheria or some other strange disease that ate at my organs for fun.
I'll spare all of you the exact details of my hangover. I'm sure most of you have experienced it at one point in your life and know that it's not fun. For those that haven't experienced it, consider yourself lucky. It really didn't matter anyway. What was important was that Spencer didn't run away in haste, trying to get as far away from me as he could. Instead, he had brought back this blue-like liquid that smelled like tar and forced me to down two aspirin with the hangover cure.
I spent fifteen minutes scowling at him and wishing several possible tortures for the guy when nothing felt any different. I was beginning to think it was all a trick. See how desperate the girl with the unbearable hangover could be. Will she try anything? Can I get her to bark like a dog? Then I suddenly felt a lot better-able to stand on my own and objects were no longer blurs.
I was able to get a shower and clean myself up a bit.
God bless Spencer O'Grady.
I emerged from the bathroom about an hour after Spencer stumbled upon my feeble self and smiled at him, "Thank you for making me drink liquid tar."
"I warned you it was terrible," Spencer said, scratching his chin.
My eyes widened and I pointed, "Your face."
"What?"
"You got rid of your goatee. How did I not…you look…"
"Like I'm five? Yeah. That's the whole reason I usually keep the goatee. It makes me look older and business men take me more seriously with it, but I lost a bet."
"A bet?"
"I bet Timmy that Britney and Justin would be back together by now."
I shook my head, "Nope. They had a real bad fight the other night."
"Oh. That stinks…" Spencer ran his hand over his whiskerless face and added with a roll of the eyes, "…it cost me the goatee."
"I'm sure Britney and Justin will marvel at your concern."
Spencer nodded, "Well, Britney marveled at my face without facial hair. As long as she's known me, I've had the goatee."
"I know. You look a lot different."
"Different?"
"Not gold-tooth different. Good different. It makes your eyes appear bluer."
"Well, then, maybe it's not so bad after all…for us anyway."
"Yeah. How's Britney? Justin has been…I don't know…really weird. He ditched me last night. The bastard."
Spencer stared at me in confusion, "He made it sound like you wanted to stay at the parties."
"He has a tendency to do that. He makes decisions for me. He's three months older than me and acts like my father. It wouldn't annoy me so much if he wasn't so utterly clueless about his own life…"
Spencer pulled me down on to his lap and said, "Laney?"
"Yeah?"
"Can we not talk about Justin?"
I smiled, "Okay. Works for me."
Spencer kissed me and all clear thoughts disappeared from my mind. Wow. Didn't get better than this, right? This was goodness.
I jumped up and said, "Shit."
"What?"
"I…" my voice trailed off when the things I had said last night hit me with the power of an atom bomb. This was another thing for me to remember whenever I thought about drinking. I became a sentimental bitch. I covered my face with my hands, "I…well, you saw me right? Justin is the one who got me to bed last night and-"
"But you weren't with Justin. He came back to the hotel."
"If I'm remembering this right, I banged on his door, made an ass of myself, and Justin threw me over his shoulder and carried-" I stopped and pointed to the bed. Justin and I had a semi-fight and then he ended up sleeping next to me. I vaguely remembered watching him sleep. He had this stupid smile on his face like he was having bad thoughts about him and Dominique Swain (we saw Lolita about five times because Justin has an unhealthy obsession with her). Why was I watching him sleep? That I had no idea. I gulped and said, "I was…I said…oh god. I told him about Heathers…no, this isn't good. He'll never leave me alone now. I'll never hear the end of it. He'll be buddy guy forever and ever. I'll never have any peace and I'll be the topic of every fan site dedicated to Justin Timberlake."
Damn him. He would be unbearable now. How could I maintain the illusion of a normal life if I had given Justin proof of his importance to me? This was not good.
"Laney, I bet he wasn't paying any attention to what you were saying. He was probably more concerned with your well being."
"I think I was a bit of a bitch to him last night," I said. I knew I shouldn't panic or focus on it. Logically, I had every right to be upset and, if I reamed Justin, it was because he deserved it. He had ditched me. He had found a beautiful blonde and reminded me of why I should never have agreed to go in the first place. He found someone much more suitable for that situation and left with her, while I was forced to sit in the corner and give off the impression of being a complete loser. I knew it would happen and I still got suckered into going. What does that say about the dysfunction that was at the core of my friendship with Justin?
"Trust me. Ten to one he didn't give it a second thought. Don't worry about Justin. I'm guessing he put you to bed, listened to your incoherent intoxicated ramblings, and went back to sleep," Spencer replied with a crooked grin. His eyes were exceptionally blue and I found myself getting lost in them. It was almost calming; almost let me off the hook.
But I couldn't shake the guilty feeling coursing through me. I had snapped at Justin. I knew I had. Most likely I said things that I didn't mean at a time when I wasn't even fully aware of what I was talking about. I shook my head and sulked, "No, no…you don't know what Justin's like. If he were concerned, he would have been here, hovering over me and waiting to give me a lecture of some sort. But he's not here and I'm almost positive that he was…" I stopped abruptly. I didn't know the rules of etiquette, but I wasn't certain that admitting to Spencer that Justin spent the night, no matter how innocent and incestuous, was a good idea.
I couldn't focus on that at the moment though. Justin had spent the night in my room, but he was gone when I woke up in the morning. It was still early, Justin didn't usually wake up without forced prodding, and he was gone.
I was going to get a complex. This time I didn't even warrant a note.
Spencer stood up, rubbed my shoulders, and said calmly, "How about I order us some room service? Justin's probably still asleep. Let's eat and then you can apologize for your imagined wrongs. How does that sound?"
I smiled and nodded in agreement. I moved over to the television and turned it on. I fell back on the bed, rolled my eyes, and commented, "Ooh…talk shows. We can have some fun now."
"Your distaste for Rosie is well-noted," Spencer quipped as he glanced at the television screen before picking up the phone.
"Justin swears she's a nice person, but I have my doubts. The people everyone thinks are nice are the first ones to snap and kill a bunch of people. You never hear neighbors of mass murderers saying things like 'he was a fucking bastard. I knew he was up to NO good' now do ya?"
Spencer laughed, "My life was infinitely less entertaining before meeting you, Laney."
Excuse me for interrupting, but if I have to listen to much more of Spencer's amazing charm, I'm going to hurl myself out a window.
I had planned on being there when Laney woke up to make sure she was okay, but things had come up. I was blindsided by this revelation that had me completely freaked out. My whole world was crumbling before my eyes. My best friend was no longer my best friend…she was a girl…she was a woman. This beautiful, feisty thing that I was completely devoted to and she had no idea.
In fairness, until that morning, I had no idea either. I was convinced that Britney was completely insane with her accusations. I had figured that admitting Laney was pretty was nothing. But somewhere along the way, things had changed.
Why did things have to change?
So I turned to Chris. He was fairly familiar with the world. He may have acted like a nine-year-old, but he was smart and he knew a lot about women. And, of course, he had known all about my feelings. It was like Chris had been waiting for me to come to him for a long time because when I showed up at his door, he changed and made it seem like he would solve all my problems.
We went downstairs to the restaurant for breakfast, even though I couldn't eat anything with my stomach in knots. I sipped my orange juice and glared at Chris. He hadn't said anything so far, just shoved three silver dollar pancakes into his mouth and groaned in pleasure. I folded my arms and stated, "This isn't really helping me, Chris."
"Give me a minute. Wisdom can't be forced out, J. I have to take a few minutes to enjoy the simple things in life like pancakes. Pancakes are good. You should eat yours," he said, shoving another mouthful into his mouth and grinning.
I pushed my plate away and said, "Chris, I'm seriously freaked out here. I told you about this dream I've been having, right?"
"The perfect girl dream?"
"Yes. It's Laney. Laney Jane is the perfect girl," I said, dropping my head on the table where my plate had been seconds before.
"I could have told you that."
"So why didn't you?"
Chris dropped his fork and raised his hands in self-defense, "Man, we've been trying to point out how great Laney is for you. You wouldn't listen to us." Chris leaned in closer and asked, "Is it safe to ask why Britney broke up with you now? Was it because of Laney?"
"How did you-"
"Dani got the feeling from her last conversation with Britney that she was feeling a bit like a third wheel. She wasn't too happy with you in Hawaii for abandoning her for Laney every day and then she said something about you finding Laney a boyfriend-"
"Britney said that? What else did they discuss?"
Chris shrugged, "Hey, I have no idea what womanly conversations Britney and Dani had. I'd prefer not to know actually. I've got a rep to protect."
I looked at Chris and he commented, "Stop with that pathetic puppy dog face. I honestly don't know what they talked about."
"Britney said that deep-down she's known all along that I was in love with Laney. She said that she knew I wanted to love her, but that I couldn't. She also decided to explain to me that all my other relationships failed because I put Laney first and that I ignored everything else when she was around."
"Well, the two of you do have these arguments that no one else really understands and you tend to forget other people are around."
"So…don't all good friends have private jokes? That's what our debates are. It's…it's a trademark of our relationship."
Chris shrugged again, "I'm playing the devil's advocate here. This stuff doesn't really matter. Britney did you a favor. Send her a fruit basket and move on."
"No, she didn't. She turned me into a fucking mess. My entire relationship with Laney has been strained-"
"Britney forced you to deal with things, Justin. Listen to yourself. You're still denying it."
I pounded my fists on the table and practically shouted, "Because it's WRONG! I can't-this isn't right. This wasn't supposed to happen to me."
"Well, it did."
"Maybe I ate some bad shrimp last night? I'm having delusions. That's it. Maybe I caught a virus and I've got a high fever?"
"Justin, stop fighting your feelings and admit it."
"I can't."
"It's three words."
I shook my head, "No. I-"
"Three words, J. You need to say them. You need to admit it."
I glared at him. Guru-Chris was getting on my nerves. I threw my napkin down and stood up. I huffed, "I thought you were going to help me."
"First off, people are going to think I'm having a lover's quarrel with my commitment-phobic boyfriend or something. Secondly, we don't have security and you creating a scene is the last thing we need right now. I'm trying to help you, so sit your ass down."
"I can't say…" I caught Chris's stern expression. He rarely had that type of grimace on his face and I felt like I was back in grade school when I stapled myself to the coat hanger and the teacher caught me. I retook my seat, shook my head, and in a barely audible voice whispered, "I love Laney."
"What was that?"
I kicked him under the table. He yelped in pain and asked, "Did you admit that you love Laney?"
"Yes, okay? Yes…I love-love Laney Jane and I think I always have. I keep thinking about this stupid incident on the playground where she saved me from the bully. I swore I was going to marry her, but I never really thought about it as far as love goes. I just-it's Laney for god's sake! I know everything about her. She knows everything about me-"
"Saves you that awkward getting-to-know-you phase. Trust me. It ain't pretty. The first time one of my girlfriends stayed at my place, I found out that she bit off her toenails with her teeth."
My face scrunched up in disgust, "Ew."
"Hey, that's the woman I love you're acting repulsed by."
"Dani bites her toenails? Why did you feel the need to share that information with me? Gross."
"Don't be a baby. My point was-you get to skip over that horrible part of every relationship. Don't you remember it with your other girlfriends?"
It was my turn to shrug, "Not really. Most of my relationships didn't make it past the three week mark as you know, and Britney has known me almost as long as Laney has."
"AHA!"
I noticed the early-risers in the restaurant turn to look at us. I offered them an apologetic glance and said, "What the hell was that?"
"I think I've figured out your broken psyche. I'm fucking brilliant."
I folded my arms, "If you don't explain, I'm gonna break your psyche."
"It's simple. The rest of us have known for a while that you were in love with Laney. We always figured that once you got old enough, you guys would hook up and be even more annoyingly weird than you already are-but I must say that Britney threw me for a loop. You seemed to really care about her-"
"I did…I do. I'm starting to realize that I've-"
"You've had Britney and Laney confused in your warped little mind. You've known them both almost the same amount of time. Oh, this is classic. If I was still interested in psychology, I would make a case study out of you."
"What?"
"Britney is the best friend and Laney is the girl of your dreams."
"No-"
"Hear me out," Chris chewed on the last of his food and spoke with a mouthful of syrup dripping down his mouth, "ew OT ick ding!"
My eyes narrowed on him, "What language are you speaking?"
He swallowed and repeated, "You've known Britney almost as long as Laney correct?"
"Why are you asking questions you know the answers to?"
"I was being rhetorical," Chris pushed up the sleeves of his shirt and leaned back in his chair. He gave me this scrutinizing look and finally went on, "So you asked Britney out because you thought she was safe. She's in the same line of work. She understands the lifestyle, but more importantly, she understands Laney. She knows that Laney is a part of your life…"
"She was also fucking hot. Still is."
"Okay. Well, that's a given. Any guy with eyes is attracted to her, but the reason it worked out for so long-you do care about Britney so it was easy for you to allow yourself to think it was more. In your head, Britney was everything that you should want in the girlfriend. She was a secure choice for you-the fans don't annoy her, she's as busy as you are, and she appears more suitable for you. And of course, the Laney issue."
"I don't know-"
"The other girls didn't know you and didn't get the relationship with Laney. So as soon as it became an issue, you dumped them or vice versa."
"Chris, this is all very interesting, but it doesn't help me any, does it? NO! I'm screwed. Britney was perfect for me."
"But you didn't love her, Justin."
"I know that now, okay? But still-this is scary. I love Laney Jane. I don't know what the hell that means, but I know it's real. Since I woke up this morning, I feel like everything is so clear, but it's all messed up too. Now I understand my hatred of Spencer and the freak-out session I had on the beach in Hawaii when it all started to come out and I…I hid behind Britney. Then she dumped me because I was using her…and the past few weeks I've come to depend on Laney in a way I'm not used to. I've had her all to myself-no girlfriends, no classmates harassing her, no Spencer. It's not going to last. You have no idea what kind of problems this is going to cause, Chris. I'm screwed. What do I do, Chris? Why is this happening?"
"You and Laney are obsessed with movies and you're telling me that neither of you have ever attempted to discuss the male/female bonds of friendship? Or if it could develop into something deeper than buddies?"
"Of course not. It's Laney Jane."
"Justin, remember back when we first started the group? We were in Germany and you were homesick…you called your mom. You called your dad. You were still homesick. You refused to go sightseeing with us. You refused to eat. You were ready to tell Lou to shove his work schedule and go home-"
I rubbed my temples. I wasn't sure where he was going with this little trip down memory lane. I sighed, "I lived it. You don't need to bring it up."
"I think I do," Chris took a sip of his water and continued, "You got Laney on the phone, watched a movie while you talked for about five hours, and the next morning you were fine."
"So?"
"So if a girl can cure that kind of depression, you keep her around, man. It's that simple," Chris reached for my plate and emptied the food on to his plate.
I rolled my eyes, "You're like a human vacuum. One day you're going to wake up and weigh four hundred pounds."
"I'm carbing up. We're going to be dancing twenty hours a day soon and I need to stock up now."
"Chris, stay focused," I snapped. He was one of my best friends and the one person I could count on for this, but the guy had a real attention problem.
"Justin, what do you want from me? I'm here to give you a sounding board."
"I thought you said you were going to explain women to me."
Chris laughed, "Buddy, if I knew how to do that, I assure you that I'd write a book and make a million dollars…oh wait, I already have a million dollars."
"You're a real comedian."
Chris rolled his eyes, "Well, I am the funny one, remember? You're the young, perfect stud that is known for sweeping women off his feet."
"Yeah. Great. Too bad I fell in love with the one girl I can't have."
"Huh?"
"I'm serious. I-how-Laney Jane is my best friend. Do you know how few friends outside our group I have anymore? Do you know how many people actually care about me rather than what I can do for them? I can count them on one hand. I can't afford to lose her."
"What makes you think you'll lose her?"
"Because I know Laney. If I told her I was in love with her, she would freak out on me, which I can't say I'd blame her for, and I would never see her again. She has enough trouble admitting we're friends."
"Justin, I don't think you have much choice here. Does she even know why Britney broke up with you? Or is she completely in the dark on this journey of enlightenment you're on?"
"Don't make fun of me right now!"
"Sorry…" Chris stuck out his tongue and added, "Baby."
"Chris, I swear-"
"Justin, have you ever kept anything from her before?"
"No."
"Don't you think she's a bit suspicious about why you aren't talking about anything already? It's got to be confusing her and it's going to cause problems."
"Not any more than telling her that I'm madly in love with her would."
"Okay, fair enough, but-you have to tell her."
"No, I don't."
Chris dropped his fork and clutched at his head. He mumbled, "He's trying to drive me crazy. I knew it!"
"Stop it, Chris."
"You have to tell her," he repeated more forcefully.
"I can't."
"J, I get that you're scared. It's a fucking frightening thing, but sometimes it's really worth it. You aren't going to be happy until you and Laney are together. I know how your mind works. Now that you've recognized your feelings, you're going to want more. You need more."
"Tell me about it. I barely made it out of her room without wrapping my arms around her, nuzzling my head into her neck, and never letting go," I paused when I saw the no-kidding gaze on Chris' face. I scowled and quickly added, "…but I can't do that."
"Why not?"
"Because it's Laney. Because she doesn't think of me like that-"
"Justin, she wouldn't have subjected herself to all of this crap that is our lives if she didn't love you. Look how long it took you to figure things out. She might need a little push."
"A little push?" I repeated skeptically.
"Yes, a push. My Lord! You call yourself a 'ladies' man'? I feel like I'm schooling a preteen boy on how to ask a girl out."
"I know-this is different, Chris. This is Laney Jane. I don't want to use some stupid line or a quick fling. She's more than that."
"So instead you'll pretend like you don't love her?"
"Yes, because I don't have any other choice. She's not-if she were in love with me, why would she be dating Spencer O'Grady?"
"Why did you date Britney or Kylie or Jessica or Lisa-"
"I get it."
"She might not realize her feelings for you yet or she might be scared of her feelings for you."
"Or she might not love me at all," I offered.
Chris sighed, "It's a possibility. I doubt it but-"
"And I can't risk it. I can't lose my best friend."
"If you do nothing, it's going to blow up in your face."
"No, it won't. We're going to be busy and so will Laney Jane. She won't even be back in Orlando until the beginning of May and we'll be getting ready to leave for the start of the tour."
"You're going to shut her out of your life? That's your answer? Don't you think that will make you more miserable?"
"Not shut her out of my life. We'll go back to the phone calls and the emails and I'll…I'll get over this. People fall in love and get over it all the time, right?"
"Justin, I think you're missing-"
"No, I'm not missing anything. Laney wants Spencer. I want to keep my best friend. I understand what's going on, Chris. I'll distance myself until I get a handle on these weird feelings. I can do it. It can't be that hard. My mother used to love my dad and now she's moved on and is completely happy."
"Is this some sort of divorce kid neurosis? I might need more pancakes."
I stood up, "Thanks for breakfast. I'm going to wake Todd up and go for a drive. I need to get out of here."
"Doesn't Laney leave early this afternoon?"
I nodded and started to walk off. Chris called out, "Do not let her leave without talking to her, Justin."
"I won't."
"Justin, I'm serious. Ignoring her is only going to hurt her. Do you want to hurt her?"
"No, but-" I shook my head. I never wanted to hurt Laney Jane. I hated seeing her upset and I hated being the cause of any emotional trauma. I knew she was pissed off about me ditching her last night and that I had to apologize to her when she was sober-I had to check on her. I had to make sure she was okay and not violently ill. I waved to Chris and said, "Thanks for listening to me."
I hurried out of the restaurant, trying to prepare myself for seeing Laney. It would be the first time since I had admitted I had feelings for her beyond sisterly affection. I had to make sure I didn't act weird. I had to show some self-restraint and avoid any touching that would lead me to end up kissing her. I knocked into an empty table by the door and saw Spencer talking to one of the waiters who handed him a large Styrofoam cup.
He handed the guy money and said, "Thanks for this. My friend has a bit of a hangover and this is the only thing that will make her feel better."
"Not a problem. Thanks for the tip."
"No problem," Spencer said with a wave as he hurried to the elevators.
God, did everyone in the world like the fucking guy? Could he be any more perfect if he tried? I hated him. I hated that Laney was looking to him as her knight-in-shining armor while I was stuck enduring breakfast with the human vacuum who was reliving his glory days as a psychology major.
I couldn't go up there. I didn't want to see Spencer and Laney acting cutesy. I didn't want to see Spencer with his arms around her when it should be me.
But it could never happen because it was Laney.
God really did love irony, didn't he? For the longest time, I had gone from relationship to relationship trying to find the kind of love that Julia Roberts's movies were infamous for…God that was me. I was Jules from My Best Friend's Wedding. I realized my feelings too late and because of it, I was losing Laney to the perfect, adorable Spencer. Laney and Spencer would live happily ever after and I'd end up dancing at her wedding with Chris.
I shuddered at the thought and finally understood why I hated the end of that movie. It was my life and I must have always known that Jules's ending was going to be my own.
Could Justin lay it on a bit thicker? He wonders why I often accuse him of being overly histrionic and then he says stuff like that! He leaves me no choice: Justin, you're a drama queen.
That was not a signal for you to interrupt me, Laney Jane. I was trying to explain my pain and why I decided not to tell you about my epiphany.
Because you were a big chicken? I think that covers it without the All My Children woe.
The girl drives me nuts! Did you ever think maybe I realized that you drive me crazy and decided to choose sanity rather than admit my love for you? HUH?
Whatever, Justin. I'm sticking with my answer. You were a big chicken.
I had no idea he was going through emotional turmoil. After lunch, and losing the last signs of my hangover, I had spent fifteen minutes knocking on his door. I then proceeded to check with all the other guys and he was nowhere to be found. Chris finally eased my worries and replaced them with immense fury. Justin had gone out with Todd. Probably to find that stupid blonde that he ditched me for last night. They were probably making out in some limousine and he didn't even realize that I had to leave in a few hours.
Along with the screaming fans that I hated and the attention I didn't want, another reason I detested going with Justin on any of his work-related trips was his attention deficit disorder. When he was dating Britney it had been a lot better, but the rest of the time, it was terrible. We'd be talking or having fun and the minute a pretty girl walked by, he was lost to the dark side.
It wouldn't have bothered me so much if he weren't the only person I had to talk to when I was visiting him (This was before Lance and I had bonded over games of "dare" and too many martinis). He never seemed to get it through his thick skull that I wasn't like him. You couldn't leave me in a room and watch me disarm them with my charm. I didn't bother with the niceties or feigned interest. I knew most people couldn't care less about me and, truthfully, it was a mutual sentiment.
I decided, despite Spencer's protestations, to sit in the lobby and wait for the weasel to get back. I hadn't packed, would most likely miss my flight, but I didn't care. It was driving me crazy trying to figure out what I had said that was so horrible to Justin last night. Was he pissed at me? Or was he suddenly possessed with the disposition of a bastard?
I had practically dozed off when I heard the shrieks and my eyes fluttered open. It was a free honing device that made him sneaking past me almost impossible. For once, I was grateful to the teenage girls cluttering the front entrance of the hotel. I sat up and watched Justin hurry inside the lobby with Todd.
He was standing there with one of the hotel security officers while Todd went over to the elevators. I stood up, determined for once in my life to stay mad at him, and called out, "Justin!"
He turned and the smile on his face disappeared. What the hell had I said to him last night? If he was so pissed off, why had he stayed in my room? I knew what he was like; he was a big baby and would have sulked elsewhere. He didn't say anything and I stepped in closer. I crossed my arms and asked, "Were you planning on talking to me at all before I left?"
"I figured you'd be busy. I was trying to give you and Spencer some private time," Justin replied angrily.
"What are you upset about? I'm the one who should be furious with you."
He scoffed, "I'm not angry. I don't care." He stared at me and said, "You look a lot less stupid than you did last night. I'm shocked you're not revering the porcelain god."
"I'm fine. No thanks to you."
"It's not my job to take care of you, Laney. You got yourself drunk. You can fix the hangover yourself."
I rolled my eyes, "Is this the Timberlake version of self-help?"
"Laney, don't-I made sure you got to bed. I ended up locked out of my own bed where I had been sleeping quite nicely and got stuck in your room. I'm sorry I didn't hang around to handle vomit control. Call it self-help or self-preservation," Justin snapped.
"Okay, Mr. Moody," I snapped right back. This wasn't exactly what I had planned. I expected Justin to complain a bit and then tease me mercilessly about my foray into the seedy world of alcohol consumption. Instead he was acting like I had personally offended his honor and practically bit my head off. I pushed my hair back (a move my sister, Meredith, often used when she was pissed off with her flavor of the week) and stormed off towards the elevators.
I heard footsteps on the marble flooring but I kept walking. Justin grabbed me by the arm and pulled me into the elevator foyer. He stared at me and he didn't seem angry. I pried my appendage free and asked, "Is this some bi-polar meltdown, Justin?"
"I don't know. I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry about last night. I'm sorry about this morning…and I'm sorry that I…l let you down. I didn't get much sleep and I'm cranky."
"I'm sorry too. That's probably my fault. I vaguely remember banging on your door and waking you up," I admitted with a sorrowful smile.
Justin smiled and pushed my hair back off my face. He replied, "Nah. I actually tape recorded the whole thing to use as blackmail next time you try to bring up Cher in any way, shape, or form."
"That's real nice. Trust me when I say that I will never drink again."
"I've said that before."
"Well, I mean it. Spencer had me drink this horrific concoction that tasted like a mixture of sewer water and tar. I don't want to ever be in that much pain that I would subject myself to a drink like that again!" I watched Justin's eyes glaze over and I added, "I know he's not your favorite person-and he mentioned you sent him to Joey's room instead of mine first thing this morning. Really nice."
Justin raised his arms, "It was a joke. If he's going to work with Chris on a daily basis, he needs to get used to the pranks."
"Uh-huh."
"If Spencer makes you happy, I'll learn to tolerate him, but I don't think he and I will-"
"There you are, Justin. I thought you were going to wait for me in the…" the blonde from last night approached us. I felt my mouth drop open. I knew I had angry thoughts of him blowing me off and forgetting I had to leave because of a pretty girl, but this was even beyond Justin's usual ignorance as far as our friendship went. The girl gave me a fake smile and the you-don't-belong-here look that I got a few times last night before continuing, "Oh, am I interrupting?"
That anger management thing I talked about before? Well, I should have remembered it at that moment. Justin was standing there with this blank expression on his face and that girl was gawking at me like I was white trash looking to go on Jerry Springer for a very special celebrity bastard children episode. I hauled back and punched him in the stomach. He let out a loud moan and fell forward. I think it was more surprise than anything. I pointed down at him and said, "I stuck around in this stupid lobby for over an hour waiting for you…I thought that I had said something in my drunken state that had pissed you off or hurt your feelings and this is the reason you haven't-"
"Are you two dating?" the blonde spoke up.
"No. You don't have to be dating to offer someone common courtesy," I seethed. Justin stood himself back up and glared at me. I pointed at him and went on, "…you know I don't care about you finding yourself a new plaything, but you could have come by earlier and said goodbye."
"Laney, I-"
"Forget it. And forget you. This is the last time I give up my life and do something I don't want to-"
"Sweetheart, you're out of your league here. Go back to your little boring world," the blonde said, putting her hand on Justin's arm.
I rolled my eyes and waited for Justin to say something. He stood there with this scary, zombie look and I shook my head, "No wonder Britney dumped you! You're turning into a real jackass, Justin."
He still didn't say anything. Eight years of always having something to say to me and suddenly he can't even manage an apology. What was wrong with him? I let out a deep breath, punched the up button on the elevator, and said, "Okay, I have a plane to catch. Spencer is going to drive me to the airport so don't worry yourself with manners or anything. Have a good trip to Japan."
The elevator opened and I got on. I was sure Justin would say something, but he didn't do anything. And it scared me. We had plenty of fights. Hell, our relationship was based on verbal bantering and disagreements. But this was different. He was being callous and rude, and I had no idea why.
Maybe I was right all along. I always thought that our friendship would end. We were two different people. We had nothing in common except a strange bond born out of movies and games of Horse. I wasn't used to Justin being the one to pull away and I wasn't sure if I knew how to draw him back.
More precisely, I wasn't sure it was a good idea to even try. Friends grew apart all the time. Maybe Justin and I had simply run our course.
And if what was standing before me was the improved Justin Timberlake for the new millennium, I didn't want to have anything to do with him anymore.