Chapter Eleven

Have you ever been so busy that it makes all the shit in your life seem almost nonexistent? There is so much going on that successful avoidance is easy to achieve. The only time you really have to notice that things are bad is in those few minutes between your head hitting the pillow and actually falling asleep.

Luckily, Britney broke up with me at a time when I had so much to do that I really couldn't think about all her insinuations about Laney and me. The first two weeks after she dumped me, I was able to get lost in rehearsals for Saturday Night Live and, after that finished taping, we had meetings with potential opening acts for the summer tour, online chats, interviews out the wazoo, and an MTV special to tape. All of these things lead up to the release of our album and the excitement in our hotel practically erased any sad or confused feelings that were bothering me.

I will admit that I was thankful for Laney Jane those two weeks. Her parents had decided to let her stay in New York City for vacation because they planned to come to New York City for Easter anyhow. All the guys had their girlfriends to turn to in anxiety the morning the album was released. All the guys had someone their to hold their hand and celebrate with once the initial sales numbers started to come in the following morning. Thank God for Laney Jane or I might have burst into tears.

Not that I cry or anything. I'm not a girl, despite Laney's mocking.

I had even gotten her to agree to come to the Oscars with me. She complained about missing a day of class, but I knew she was waiting for the chance to talk to Matt Damon. The girl was as transparent as Casper. That doesn't mean she wasn't freaking out. Chris had Dani talk to her and try to calm her down. The girlfriends attempted to get her excited about the big parties afterwards when they were sent shopping for dresses while we rehearsed for the program, but she still wouldn't hear it. Laney Jane was panicking about people seeing her at the Oscars. She was actually worried about what Kevin Spacey would think of her if he saw her.

I found that humorous and the girl practically gave me a black eye.

I knocked on the door that connected my room to Laney's. I heard her curse under her breath and opened the door. I called, "Please be decent in there. PLEASE!"

"Oh drats. You caught me walking around in only a towel," Laney commented.

I peaked over the edge of the door and saw her in jeans and a tank top with a towel wrapped up like a turban on her head. I snapped my fingers, "Damn Laney. Don't lead me on like that."

"Whatever. How was rehearsal?"

"Well, we know it as well as we're going to for tomorrow night," I moved away from the door tentatively and sat down on her bed. I watched her dig through her bag and she pulled out her Biology book. I pointed at her, "What the hell is that?"

"It's a text book, Einstein."

"Laney Jane, it's a Saturday night on your spring break…are you seriously going to study?"

"I have to stay caught up on this stuff. Tomorrow are the Oscars with parties afterwards then Monday we fly out so late that I'm not going to want to read and I have class on Tuesday. Do you know what a class is?"

"I know what a nerd is," I muttered. I snatched the book from her and explained, "You and I are going out. So dry your hair and be ready in about fifteen minutes."

"Where are you dragging me to?"

I smiled, "It's a surprise."

"Oh, so you don't know yet."

I glared at her. I wasn't about to admit she was right. I replied, "I know just fine, thank you very much. You and I haven't properly celebrated all the stuff that's happened for me this past week."

I shut the door and pulled my duffel bag out from under the bed. My door swung open and JC and Joey entered. They looked at me and I knew I was in trouble. The whole week I had been fielding idiotic questions about Laney Jane and why Britney wasn't around. I had managed to avoid it for the most part because of our schedule. Call my crazy, but I had a feeling that was about to change.

"What do you guys want? I need to change."

"We were going to order a pizza and rent one of those Cablevision movies. We figure since we'll be out tomorrow night, we all might want to relax tonight."

"Yeah, well have fun, old man," I said, my eyes narrowed on JC. I pulled out a pair of jeans and a black shirt. I added, "Laney and I are going out."

"Oh really?" Joey replied. He gave me a sly grin, like I had nailed Miss America, and said, "Our girlfriends have decided that you and Laney should get together."

I dropped my bag on my foot. Britney's words were suddenly back in full-force, after two weeks of avoiding them all together. I groaned, "Excuse me?"

"Like…a…date," JC replied slowly as if their enunciation was the problem.

"Under more than friendly circumstances," Joey added with a wink.

I glared at them. "I don't like where this conversation could go."

"This coming from the guy that couldn't wait to tell us when he and Britney started locking lips on a regular basis," JC said.

Joey nudged my side and commented, "I still can't look at Brit's lips without thinking about cherry chapstick."

"Thanks. Let's bring up Britney right now," I scowled. I pushed Joey out of my way, walked over to the bathroom, and shut the door. I was hoping they would take that as a clue to leave me alone and drop this stupid conversation.

I heard JC's muffled voice through the fake wood, "Listen Justin. Maybe Britney did you a favor."

"I'm not hearing this," I hollered.

Did JC listen to me? Did anyone ever listen to me? "I've been watching you the past two weeks with Laney. Everywhere we go, people think she's your girlfriend."

"People have gotten my mother confused for my girlfriend before. They've thought Steve was my girlfriend for chrissakes. You know the drill. You're caught on film standing next to me and we're suddenly involved," I protested. I splashed cold water on my face, hoping to reduce the puffiness. In the past month I had been in about five different time zones and my face didn't hide the wear 'n tear very well.

"It's different, J. People catch the looks you shoot at her."

"I'm not hearing this," I repeated even louder.

"And it's not a bad idea. The two of you already get along extremely well. It's obvious you care about one another and the rest of us won't have to suffer through another dramatic rendition of Justin heartbreak. Why not date Laney?"

I turned the water off forcefully. I faced the closed door and shouted, "Don't you have any girls for friends. They're not like real girls. They're semi-girls that you can hug and stuff without people worrying about your sexual preferences."

"It seems like you've got an answer for everything. So you have thought about it…" JC's voice trailed off. I knew he was thinking something up. For some reason, the other four guys had adopted me as their baby brother a long time ago and decided that meant they made my choices for me.

I left my shirt over my neck without my arms through the sleeves and opened the door. I looked at JC sternly and said, "Don't try anything."

JC glanced at Joey and shrugged, "What the hell could we do?"

"I'm serious, JC. Laney Jane and I are getting back to normal. I don't need you guys messing things up for me. Don't try anything," I demanded as I slipped my arms into the shirt. I looked myself over in the mirror. I sprayed some mousse into my hands and ran it through my curls. Once I was satisfied, I grinned and commented, "Perfect."

"You're sure worried about your appearance for 'just Laney Jane' there, J," JC pointed out with a presumptuous grin.

"Would you shut up? She can probably hear you." I pushed past JC and knocked on the adjoining door. I shouted, "Laney? Are you ready?"

She opened the door. She was dressed the same…jeans and a black tank top, but her hair cascaded over her shoulders in wavy layers of dark brown that seemed to almost glisten against the hotel lighting. I forced myself to look away and met my dumb friends' amused eyes. Sometimes I really hated being the youngest.

"Figure out where we're going yet?"

"I told you it was a surprise."

Laney looked past me at JC and Joey and explained, "Nope. He still has no clue where we're going."

I grabbed her by her arm and pulled her towards the door. I used my free hand to reach for my wallet and keys and glared back at JC and Joey who were watching us. The last thing I needed was for Laney to talk to those two. She'd be on the first plane back to Orlando or New York before I could stop it from happening.

I let go of her once we were in the safety of the hall. She shot me a baffled look and asked, "What was that all about?"

Ignorance was the best line of defense. I asked, "What was what about?"

Laney peered at me for a few seconds and then said, "Guess what? Dani and I saw Tom Cruise on Melrose this morning. I thought I was short. That guy is like a midget."

"He's nominated for an Oscar, isn't he?" I asked.

"We pretend like that movie never happened. Remember?"

"Hey, you're not the one who had to sit through it on a plane ride across the ocean. What if my plane had crashed? The last thing I would have seen was Tom Cruise talking about sex and frogs falling from the sky…and I still don't get the end."

The doors opened and we stepped in. I heard Chris holler, "Hold it!" I quickly pressed the close button, but Laney slapped my hand away. I knew we were in trouble. If JC and Joey were snooping around, Chris and Lance couldn't be far behind. I didn't want them ruining my evening with stupid crap about me and Laney dating.

Chris and Dani slid into the elevator. Chris nudged my side and asked, "Where are you two off to?"

Before I could reply, Laney answered, "He doesn't know yet."

"Really? Neither do we. We should all go out and eat," Chris offered.

"No. That's alright," I responded quickly. When I noticed three sets of eyes on me, I shrugged, "I've seen Chris' ugly face all day. Let Dani put up with him for awhile."

"Gee thanks, J. Just because I don't spend an hour primping in the mirror, I'm ugly?"

"I don't think you're ugly, sweetheart," Dani assured him.

I caught Chris glancing from me to Laney and smiling at Dani. This was not a good thing. I knew they were up to something. I wondered if Britney had called them as some sort of revenge for breaking her heart or something. What if she told everyone about her crazy thoughts on how I felt about Laney Jane? I tried to stifle the groan rising in my chest with a small laugh, which made me look deranged. I took Laney's hand and tried to yank her behind me to keep her oblivious to any possible Chris/Dani plans. Her face hit my chest and she glared up at me. I smiled sweetly and offered, "The doors are about to open."

"Thanks. Good thing I have you around, Justin, in case I ever forget how an elevator works," Laney muttered.

Her hair was in her face and I pushed it back before she had a chance to. I replied, "Anytime."

As the doors opened, I booked it off the elevator. I found Todd waiting by the edge of the elevator foyer and called, "Let's move."

"Chris? Where's Eric?"

"I'm guessing the shower. He had a run-in with a fan carrying a slushie."

I laughed, but Todd groaned. He pointed at Chris, "You two wait here while I get these two in the limo. Do not move." Todd focused on me and added sternly, "Straight to the limo. It won't leave until I'm in the car, so don't even try it."

Chris and I nodded and Chris waved goodbye to Laney and me. My eyes widened when I saw the crowd that was outside. Sure, I was used to it for the most part, but there were so many more girls there this time. It was almost frightening. I squeezed Laney's hand to offer her reassurance, but it was more for me. Todd walked in front of us and I said to Laney, "Get straight in the limo, okay?"

"Really? And here I was planning to pose for pictures," she replied, humming a few bars of Madonna's Vogue.

"Such a smart ass," I commented as the doors opened. I heard girls calling my name. I knew better than to even look at them. Some fans took eye contact as an open invitation to jump on top of me. I had gotten a few feet in front of Laney and as I took a seat in the limousine I saw her looking back at a girl.

That couldn't be good.

She hopped in the limo and practically growled, "Some of those girls need to have their mouths washed out with soap."

"Uh-oh."

"It's nothing, really--some potty mouth with too much time on her hands and not much else. I'm-I have a new appreciation for what all of your girlfriends have put up with, J. I could never handle it."

"You handle it already."

"Yeah, and I'm a friend. Could you imagine…" Laney's stopped and stared out the window as we left the hotel. She asked, "So what do you want to do?"

"I'm not sure."

"I knew it," she replied with a smirk.

"Right. You know me so well, Laney Jane. No secrets from you."

"Lucky me."

"Do you want to catch a movie?  Wonderboys is out."

"I love that book…and Robert Downey Jr is in that movie."

"Why can't you ever say 'yes' like a normal person?"

Laney shrugged and smiled…not a smirk, but this wide, pearly whites showing, beautiful smile. It threw me off a bit. Lucky for me, Laney had never tried a tactic like that before when we were bickering. I might have jumped her or something.

What the hell did I say?

I rolled the window down and practically stuck my whole head into the open air. I felt Laney's hand grasp at the back of my shirt and she pulled me back in. She asked, "Are you okay?"

"Yeah. My nerves are shot. Tomorrow is going to be insane."

"It really is, but you'll be fine. You're always nervous at first and once you realize you know the song, everything will work out."

"Okay, where is my cynical Laney Jane hiding?" I joked.

"Hey, if all else fails, the sight of me in the black dress I got talked into wearing will reduce you to tears of laughter. I suddenly recall why I don't do girly clothes."

"As long as the answer isn't man-hating-lesbian I'm okay."

"Such the progressive mentality. I'm impressed."

Before I could get caught up in our disagreement, the glass separator went down. Todd looked at me and asked, "Are we going to drive around all night or did you have somewhere specific you wanted to go?"

"Let's go to Citywalk. There is a Hard Rock there and the movie theater."

Laney shot me a skeptical glance and said, "Won't a lot of people be there on a Saturday night?"

I shrugged, "Probably."

"Wouldn't it be smart to go somewhere more private?"

"Why? You want to neck or something?" I said, patting her arm.

She pushed my hand away, "Did you refer to it as necking? Are you fifty?"

I folded my arms, "Shut up." I made sure the glass divider was up and turned to face Laney. I couldn't have Todd or some random driver hearing me act sweet. Things like that got you mocked in male circles. I said, "I'm glad you came with me. The past week has been fun. I'm not used to seeing you so much at once."

"I know. It's been awhile, hasn't it?"

I nodded, "You've made the Britney stuff a lot easier."

"Have you even tried to talk to her?"

"No. How about Spencer? Have you talked to him?"

"He's called me a few times, but I always miss the calls. It figures."

I chewed at my bottom lip to keep my grin from growing. Didn't need Laney wondering about that. I glanced at her momentarily and said, "Well, I'm sure once you're back at school, he'll be able to get a hold of you."

"Probably. That's if I don't run off with Matt Damon tomorrow night."

"He's probably as queer as a three-dollar bill, Laney Jane."

"Again, such a progressive mentality. You should give up music and apply for a job with the ACLU."

"Well, he played gay in that dumb movie."

"The Talented Mr. Ripley was not dumb."

"It was terrible."

"It was over your head."

"I don't think so. It doesn't take much intelligence to understand that he had a crush on Jude Law-"

Laney interrupted me, "As we all should."

"…And he was convinced that he was better for him than Gwyneth Paltrow and her lisp were. But Jude Law wanted nothing to do with the gay killer who slaughtered his boyfriends--

"They really should pay you for these amazing movie summaries. You could be a millionaire."

"I am a millionaire."

"Fair point," she replied.

The limo came to a stop. Once again the divider went down and Todd explained how we were going to handle this. He was going to go ahead to the Hard Rock and make sure we got a table and then have the limo pull into the parking garage to make it easier. I noticed Laney's shoulder tense up and I tried to reassure her with a smile.

It was a hassle. It wasn't like we were in danger of being harmed…

Well, nothing major anyway.

Nothing major? I had once witnessed two girls jump Justin from behind, push him to the ground, and start to pull at his clothes. It took three bodyguards to get them off him and once they did, Justin had big red welts on his face.

And he says nothing major happens when his fans get near him? The boy is deluded.

Fortunately, dinner went off without a hitch. LA is more equipped at handling celebrities and the Hard Rock staff immediately escorted us to a VIP area of the restaurant. We got a few gawks and glances as we strolled by, but that was about it. The movie theater was a bit harder because we couldn't exactly be put in a separate room or a private theater on a Saturday night. We were in the back row and every ten minutes this group of teenagers would turn around and look at us. When Justin laughed, they laughed. When Justin whispered something to me, they would watch in amazement and whisper to their friends.

And I really don't care what people think of me. I don't. I mean every single person has those insecure moments where comments sting or you need some sort of assurances about your self-worth…but being around Nsync fans when you know one of the guys that they're clamoring to meet…well, it can get brutal at times. Even the most self-assured woman would have to be deaf to let some of the things people say slide off her back without a second thought.

"So…he steals the chancellor's collectibles, shoots his dog, and he gets away with it?" Justin asked as we walked towards the parking garage.

I nodded and pushed my hair back out of my face. I noticed two girls walking precariously close to us and I rolled my eyes. Justin turned his head and smiled. He always thought that would make it better. He thought that his fans would be satisfied with a smile. And some were, but usually it led to other things.

"Excuse me? Can we get an autograph?" The girl spoke up.

Justin looked to me for permission and I shrugged. He quickly stepped aside and made small talk with the one girl. The other girl stared at me and I pretended to be transfixed on the pavement around my sandals. It didn't work.

"Are you Justin's girlfriend?"

There are certain questions you get asked so often, that you always think, "Okay, you should be used to it by now" but it rarely happens. It still baffles me when fans approach me wanting things like autographs or to talk to me. And it's all because I serve as some sort of connection to Justin Timberlake. Questions like that always fluster me and I probably sound like I'm hiding something when I stutter out a response…or who knows? Maybe everyone simply thinks I'm retarded.

I looked at the girl briefly. She glanced at her friend who had gotten Justin's autograph and was now pawing at him playfully. In another minute, Todd would interrupt and force us to leave. I was counting down the seconds.

She repeated, "We saw you guys come out of the movies. He had his arm around you…" She must have realized how stalker-like she sounded and quickly supplemented, "I think it's great. If you're dating, that's cool. He deserves to be happy and it's better than that slut, Britney, that everyone links him to."

I clamped down on my bottom lip so hard that I winced in pain. I was pretty sure I could taste blood, but I didn't remove my teeth from the flesh. It wasn't as though Britney needed me to defend her, but this girl was talking about things she didn't get.

"So are you?"

"Justin and I are friends."

"Wait…" I felt her hand on my arm and I shot her a stunned glare. It wasn't that it hurt, but I wasn't exactly a touchy feely person, especially with strangers. She snapped her hand back quickly and pointed at me, "You're Laney, aren't you?"

My face was a convoluted mix of confusion and shock. How the hell did she know my name? I quickly replayed my conversation with Justin since we had exited the theater and he hadn't used my name once. I replied, "Yeah, that's me."

"Justin's best friend, right? I saw pictures of you from Hawaii and you were with him at the MTV special they filmed last week. I think it's cool he has someone he can count on like that. Wow. It must be really neat to be Justin's best friend."

Realization hit me. Years of avoiding most of his public life had been wasted. In two short weeks, I had become some sort of semi-celebrity to these people and it made my stomach turn. I didn't want any of this. I didn't want to be associated with Justin Timberlake of Nsync. I wanted to live my life without people bothering me. Was that so much to ask for?

Like clockwork, Todd bellowed, "I'm sorry girls but we have to leave. Come on, Justin. Laney!"

Justin reached for my hand and I caught the girl that had been gaping at me clutch her chest and whimper a "so cute." What the hell was I? A puppy? I moved my hand away from Justin's grasp and walked a few steps ahead of him. I caught the puzzled expression on his face, but kept walking.

Once we were in the limo, he asked, "What did she say?"

"What makes you think she said anything?" I tried to play it off.

Justin shot me his get-real-Laney look that he had perfected throughout the years and answered evenly, "Because there is a sudden chill that wasn't here ten minutes ago."

I shrugged, "I'm tired."

"I hate when you do this. Why can't you tell me what happened?"

"Because there is nothing you can do. I'm not some little baby who needs you to fight her battles for her."

"It would be nice to know if there was a battle being fought, Laney. That's all I'm saying," Justin countered. He turned on the radio and started to sing along.

I watched in amusement, "You're such a dork."

"Yep," he replied simply. He bobbed his head in time with the music and got caught up in the lyrics.

I interrupted, "She knew my name."

Justin shouted over the music, "What?"

"She knew my name."

"So?"

Sometimes he was quite dense. I replied, "She recognized me from pictures on the web, J."

"Oh. I get it."

"About time."

"Great. We were having a nice time and now I'm going to bear the brunt of this…" Justin voice trailed off. He shook his head, "I thought maybe we were past this, Laney Jane."

"I know-but I guess spending time with a normal guy like Spencer has reinforced some stuff that I always knew, J."

Justin scowled, "You're calling Spencer normal?"

"Don't start back in on the Spencer stuff. I thought you were learning to get along."

Justin made his face undecipherable and shrugged carelessly, "It's your life and there is no law that says he and I have to be best friends."

"Wonderful," I muttered. I felt myself reach for Justin's hand, a move that was quite atypical for me. It was never my thing but I was about to do it all the same. I didn't mean it in a condescending or patronizing way, but I think Justin took it like that. He jerked his hand away and I tried to explain, "I just…Spencer and I can go to a movie or out to dinner without anybody bothering us or flashing a camera in our face. I know you thrive on an audience and being the center of attention, but I've never been like that, Justin. I like my anonymity."

"So why are we friends, Laney?" Justin snapped.

I recoiled at the harsh tone his voice had taken on and instantly regretted bringing this stuff up. I should've ignored it. Why couldn't I pretend like it hadn't bothered me until after tomorrow? Things would go back to normal. I'd be back at school, Justin would be working, and, on the streets of New York, I'd be a nobody.

"Well?" Justin prodded with a menacing timbre.

"Don't be a jerk."

"I don't think I am. We've been having a good time the past two weeks and I'm sorry-I really am sorry that being a part of my life means putting up with some of the shit you have to, but you're mad because they know your name? It's fucking stupid."

"Your sensitivity on this subject overwhelms me," I shot back.

Justin gripped at the leather upholstery and replied, "I try to be understanding, Laney, but I can't do anything about it. There is nothing I can do to fix this. I'm sorry but what am I supposed to do? Pretend we aren't friends? Never talk to you except in emails?"

The look on Justin's face almost reduced me to tears. I wasn't a crier and I doubted I really would have started weeping, but it was that the words, which usually came so easily for me, seemed to get stuck in my throat and all I could muster was a small murmur.

When I didn't say anything to Justin's liking, he asked abruptly, "Does this mean you don't want to go to the Oscars?"

"That's not what I'm-I don't know why it bothers me, but it does," I admitted. I glanced out the window, taking in the view along the road. I could see the Hollywood sign in the distance and pretended to find it the most amazing thing. I mumbled, "I'll still go to the Oscars."

"Are you sure? A fan might get your picture and god knows we can't have that happen."

I turned my head and frowned, "Do you--I always support you, Justin. No matter how stupid, no matter how hard, no matter what…I support all your stuff. I dropped everything when Britney broke up with you and spent time with you. I'm sorry if I'm not the friend you wanted, but what can I do? I was being honest. I promise to never bother you with the truth again, senor snippy."

Justin arched one of his eyebrows, a skill that had always been lost on me. He shook his head and I could see he was trying to hide his stupid grin. If he knew what was good for him he wouldn't smile. I was mad. He asked, "Senor snippy?"

"Stop."

"And you call me dramatic? I almost heard the violins," Justin commented.

I fought hard not to smile when he brushed away at a nonexistent tear. I repeated, "Stop it!"

Justin's fingers drummed on my leg. He said, "Come on and smile, Laney…don't make me do something drastic."

"Ooh. Frighten me why don't you."

"I will if you don't lose the scowl," Justin stated. Without waiting for me to answer, he twisted his perfect features into a hideous grimace, crossed his eyes, and wiggled his ears. He asked, "Can you do that?"

"Are you on drugs?"

He contorted his face into another equally horrific grimace and asked, "How about this one?"

I almost laughed, "I'm serious. Stop it, Justin."

He stuck his tongue out, pulled down on his cheeks, and made his eyes practically pop from his head, "I'm not going to stop until you smile."

I punched him in the arm. I replied, "It's not going to happen."

"Like hell it's not," Justin used two of his fingers to force my lips upward into a grin. I pushed him back and he said, "C'mon Laney. How about an itty, bitty one." My only response was a huff and Justin moved to the other end of the limousine so I couldn't avoid his silly faces. He slid on to the floor and rolled around like a maniac.

I snickered, "What are you doing?"

He hopped up and said, "Aha! The girl has not forgotten how to smile or laugh."

"You're insane."

Justin retook his seat next to me. He kissed my cheek and played with a strand of my hair. He said, "That's better."

I swatted at his hand, "What?"

"You're much prettier when you smile," he said. My eyes locked on his and I was pretty sure both our faces flushed. Justin chewed at his nail and added, "Ya know…not like I notice stuff like that stuff."

I nodded and said, "Well thanks. You're not completely grotesque when you smile either…and I mean your real smile, not that generic one you offer people you don't know."

"You've categorized my smiles?"

"It's not like I sit around thinking about it. Sorry to burst your bubble, Ego Man," I shrugged and studied his facial features. He seemed highly amused and I was going to have to punch him. I wasn't sure where the urge came from. Maybe Dana was right. Maybe I needed anger management classes. I said, "You have this…when no one is watching you and you're having fun, you have this really amazing smile. If the fans saw that, they'd be killing for the chance to spend time with you."

Justin's smile turned smug and my momentary lapse of kindness withered away. He said, "Admit it. You think I'm hot and want me bad."

I pushed him in the chest lightly, "How did you know?"

"It's a gift."

Neither of us said anything. It was an anomalous occurrence for us. We generally spent most of our time lost in obscure conversations and ridiculous quarrels. I searched my brain and the immediate area for something to talk about. I thought about movies and all the useless trivia I know, but none of it would come out. My eyes shifted and I noticed Justin's fingers were still playing with a piece of my hair. I reached for his hand. It wasn't that it bothered me, but it was rather unusual for Justin to be so quiet. His eyes followed mine and we both stared at our hands. Like I said it was eerie, like we had driven into the Twilight Zone. Not to mention, somewhere along the way, the limousine had somehow decreased in size…or at least it felt like it had. I moved away and said, "It's getting late."

Justin yawned as if he had to agree with what I said and replied, "You're right and tomorrow is going to be a long day."

"It is."

Suddenly, neither Justin nor I could carry on a discussion. I didn't understand it and his eyes were locked on the passing scenery. Where had this awkwardness come from? After a few minutes of perilous reticence, Justin finally pulled himself away from the window and said, "I think I'm going to try to call Britney when we get back. It's about six thirty in the morning there…maybe she's cooled off a bit."

Justin was known for his random tangents, but I had no idea where this one had come from. I forced myself to shrug it off though. I mean it was Britney he was talking about. She was probably always on his mind and he never said anything; and they did break up unexpectedly. Who could blame him?

"That might be a good idea," I replied, trying to eliminate the strangeness from moments before and act encouraging.

"Yeah. It's been two weeks. Maybe she needed time to cool down and we can talk about some of the stuff she said," Justin replied. He chewed at his nail and the tip fell off on the floor.

"I wouldn't know. You won't tell me what she said."

Justin shook his head and answered quietly, "Nothing really to tell. It was stupid."

"It can't be that stupid if it's still bothering you, J."

Justin's eyes locked on mine and I couldn't make out what he was thinking. The blue was clouded with confusion and he sighed, "Laney Jane, we don't have to tell each other every single detail about things."

I hated to admit that his words stung a bit. It wasn't like Justin to be closed off. I was the one who usually shut down and kept things to myself. I knew he was going through a hard time personally and that he didn't really have time to deal with it because of all his achievements professionally, but this was odd even for him. It felt like something had shifted in our friendship. I feigned indifference and smiled weakly, "That's fine. I worry about you."

Justin smiled genuinely. I pointed at him and said, "That's the smile I'm talking about."

The corners of his grin deepened and he said, "I'll have to remember that. Maybe it will work on Britney."

"Maybe," I said.

We rode the rest of the way in silence. The crowd of girls was still there and I imagined the little potty mouth from earlier was still there as well. My muscles tightened up and I was afraid I wouldn't be able to walk from the limousine to the doors. I was almost positive that this was what an anxiety attack felt like. My lungs were working overtime to suck in the oxygen in the air and my hands were clammy.

I watched Justin step out of the limousine with a celebrity-grace that I lacked. I stumbled out behind him. He was about three feet ahead of me and he smiled at the fans, nodding his head, as he made his way inside. I would never get used to this. I knew it upset him and decided it was best to keep quiet. Why ruin a good trip? Things were already weird after my first admission of discomfort.

Laney Jane is missing the point. I need to interrupt at this point because she comes across as completely unglued and makes me sound like some selfish jackass.

I have to admit that I wasn't exactly beaming with joy after Laney started in on the fame thing. And honestly, my frustration wasn't really directed at her-there was nothing I could do to change it. If she told me that she hated my cologne, I could fix that. If she loathed my attitude lately, I could work on it. But she was upset about a part of my life that I had no control over. What the hell was I supposed to do? Never go out in public with Laney? Make sure no one ever followed me when I was visiting her and confiscate people's cameras?

It's frustrating. Even now, even after all we've been through, it drives me crazy when I see that uneasy expression on her face. I hate to see her upset and I always half-expect her to give up on me.

But I wasn't really angry with her.  You follow? She made it sound like I couldn't wait to get away from her. The truth was I was feeling especially clingy and it was messing me up. It had felt so natural to have Laney Jane around the past two weeks that I forgot about most of the crap that had happened. When her issues with being recognized came up, it made things somewhat clear and reminded me of a few things.

If I didn't watch it, I was going to end up in big trouble.

So Britney…I decided that was my problem. I had unresolved feelings that I had to work through and she needed to talk to me. I knew that once I heard her voice all this weird stuff would go away. She would apologize for all the crap that happened. She'd tell me that she was wrong to make such insane accusations. Things would get back to normal.

Have you ever completely misjudged a situation?

I laid on my bed, tapping my hand on my chest and humming along with the oldies station, and dialed her number. I felt like I was fourteen again when I would call the girl I liked and hang up the phone because I forgot how to talk. I decided to be a man. I was calling Britney; a girl I knew in a very intimate way. I could do this.

"Hi Justin."

I was startled when she said my name, "What?"

"Caller ID, moron."

It was nice to see that at least I still deserved a pet name. I sighed, "I forgot."

"That's because you never check yours," she yawned before asking, "What's up?"

"I wanted to talk to you. I miss you."

"Hard to believe. From what I've heard, you and Laney are having a lot of fun."

My head started pounding and there was an unexpected amount of sweat on my forehead, "What?"

"Nevermind. It's not my problem. You don't owe me any explanations."

"Because there's nothing to explain. Laney decided to stick around for the CD release when you bailed on me."

"Whatever."

"I miss you, Brit."

"Why?"

"What?"

"Why do you miss me?"

I told myself to tread carefully. I knew this was one of those tricky questions. If I didn't watch it, the only time I would see Britney in the next year would be on television. I took a deep breath and replied, "Why wouldn't I miss you? I love you. I miss spending time with you."

"Justin, have you even noticed I wasn't there the past few weeks?"

"Of course," I said. It wasn't a complete lie. I was almost positive that she was in the back of my mind somewhere, but my subconscious was trying to protect me or something.

She was moving around and I heard her talking to someone in the background. I figured she was mouthing to her personal assistant that I was on the phone and she had been waiting for me to call for days. I heard her sigh, "J, I have to be at rehearsal and I wanted to grab some breakfast."

"When do you get back?"

"To New York? Not for a while. I've decided to do the last touch-ups on my album in Sweden. I probably won't be back until when the single drops."

"What?"

"Yeah. I need a change of pace."

This was terrible news. Terrible. I couldn't exactly win Britney back if she was in fucking Sweden. Then this weird thought hit me…Spencer would be in Sweden too.

Oh darn.

"Let me guess, J. You're confused."

Her tone annoyed me and snapped me back to the conversation at hand. I replied angrily, "Well, you've done a lot to confuse the fuck out of me the past few weeks, Brit."

"You think you should miss me more than you do, so you're calling me to try to make it all better," she said. When I didn't reply right away, she went on, "…is this helping? Are you getting this out of your system?"

"Jeez Britney, could you be a bit more of a bitch?"

"Probably."

"It's nice to see you're as torn up about this as I am-"

"Don't be a jackass, Justin. I am torn up…and I know what you're doing. Something must have happened with Laney. You always come running to me when something happens with Laney."

"Nothing has ever happened with Laney except in your over-active imagination," I stood up and started to pace around my room. This wasn't good. This wasn't what was supposed to happen. I added, "Have fun in Sweden. Spencer told me how you keep warning him about me."

"And he told me you made with the friend's routine."

"Yeah. I guess you're wrong."

"Nah. They say, 'keep friends close, but keep enemies closer' for a reason, Justin. If this is part of some elaborate plans to win me back-"

"Don't flatter yourself."

"Right," she said. I could hear breathing slow down. I knew I hit a nerve and I didn't want to hurt her. I cared about Britney.

"Brit, I'm sorry. I-"

"I don't care, Justin. We're not together anymore."

"But why does this-what can I-"

Britney cut me off and said matter-of-factly, "I've got a date."

"You've got a what?"

"A date tonight. Spencer has a friend that came down for a few days-he's working in London-and he asked me to see a movie with him. Imagine my surprise when a guy asked me to go see a movie?"

"Well, that's great. Have fun on your date."

"Have fun at the Oscars."

"I plan to. I've got my best friend by my side and I'm starting to realize she's the only person I can count on. I'm starting to realize you were a waste of my time," I snapped. I wanted to yell at myself not to be a prick, but my pride was at stake. Britney had confessed she had a date. If she didn't miss me, I didn't have to miss her. Those were the rules. I continued, "Maybe you did me a huge favor, Britney. Oh, and tell Spencer that it's very sad he'll have to be in Sweden until the middle of April. I'll really miss him, but it gives you plenty of time to share your insane ideas about me and Laney with him."

Britney laughed coldly, "Sorry to disappoint you, J, but Spencer got reassigned to you."

If I thought Britney had that kind of pull, I would have sworn she had done this to fuck with my head. When I didn't respond, Britney added, "Yeah, I thought that would shut you up. Can't have Spencer monopolizing Laney's time or anything. With your new record and all this media attention, Nsync seems to have corporations and such clamoring to be your new best friend. That makes someone like Spencer invaluable…so I'm afraid you'll have to find a new way to pretend that Laney is nothing more than your buddy."

"When did you become so pissed off? You never used to act like this."

"Maybe it's because I'm hurt. Have you even thought about what I'm going through? I've been upset for the past few weeks, J. I cry myself to sleep at night. I drive myself crazy wondering if I did the right thing…if all this heartache was worth it when we could have been fine for a little bit longer. And what are you doing? You and Laney are being photographed all over the place together and living it up. You and I could never be seen anywhere together-"

"That was your decision."

"No, it wasn't. My fans aren't the ones who would freak out if we dated…but you don't seem to care if they see you with Laney. Why is that, J?" she asked with such hostility that I wanted to drop the phone and run.

"Because when they ask me if she's my girlfriend, I'm not lying when I say no."

"Good point. You only lie about being in love with her," Britney countered. She didn't say anything for a long time and I started to think she hung up. She suddenly added, "You reaffirmed everything I was worried about, Justin, so I guess I should thank you."

"You didn't leave me a choice. I didn't want to be alone for something so big. You knew I was freaked out about our album. You knew that I was getting physically sick about it. I needed a friend."

"You needed Laney," Britney corrected.

"No, I needed you and you walked away from me."

Britney didn't say anything. I almost thought that I got through to her. I thought, "She's finally hearing me." Then she responded, "J, you would've wanted Laney there anyway. I gave the both of you an excuse for it to happen. She can play it off like she's being supportive and you can use my leaving as a reason for her to be there. I saw the pictures, J. It's obvious that you're in love with her."

I groaned, "And we're back to this…and I really want to thank you for not only dumping me, but messing around with my head. Are you really this petty that you would try to ruin my friendship with Laney?"

"Shut up, J."

"No. Really. I'm intrigued. Maybe all my fans are right about you. Most of them seem to hate your guts. Maybe they're on to something," I replied harshly.

"Justin, I'm going to hang up before-"

"Because I'm beginning to think…is it the fact that none of your old friends can stand you anymore? That they've written you off as a snob? Are you trying to ruin my friendship?" I practically screamed. I regretted it the minute I thought it, but I couldn't stop from saying it. It was like I had Turrets syndrome and it slipped out without my permission. I had used things that hurt her about her career and tried to upset her. What the fuck was wrong with me?

Britney was quiet for a long time. I moaned, "Brit, I'm-"

"Don't call me again, Justin," she said and hung up without giving me a chance to say anything.

And that was it.

I wasn't sure what I was thinking or feeling. Somehow I had managed to avoid really accepting we were through until that moment. I never thought I had it in me to be downright cruel to Britney. I really believed she was the girl I could count on for anything and that I would spend the rest of my life with.

Somehow I had walked out of my room and down the hall. I wasn't sure what I was doing. I needed to get out of my head. I needed to stop thinking so much about Britney and everything she accused me of.

I needed Laney Jane.

I knocked on the door. She answered, rubbing her eyes, and her hair all over the place. My fingers had a mind of their own and played with a renegade strand of her brown hair. It was always somewhat calming to mess around with her hair-it was also a way to shut her up. When we were thirteen, I discovered that I could get her so distracted during an argument that she would give up and say, "You win, Justin."

She looked at me strangely, like she had to call for an ambulance or something, and said, "What's wrong?"

I shrugged and asked, "What makes you think something's wrong?"

"Because in the history of our friendship, you have never shown up at my door this late," she replied hand on jutting hip.

I pushed past her and sprawled out on her bed, "We're really through, Laney, and I don't know how it happened."

"I'm sorry."

I smiled at her and replied, "I don't want to be alone right now."

"She's not dead, Justin."

"One day, when you're in love and dealing with mixed emotions, remind me to torment you for all the crap you put me through. I know she's not dead, but our relationship is."

"Maybe it wasn't meant to be," she offered, pushing my legs over and sitting down next to me on the bed.

I raised my eyebrow, "Is this my Laney Jane I'm talking to? What the hell has happened to you the past few weeks?"

She shrugged and gave me this incredible smile that made all my anxiety and fears disappear. She pushed her hair back and said, "I did switch shampoos. Maybe the ad on the bottle was right."

"Very funny."

She bowed her head slightly, "I thought so."

"What would I do without you, buddy," I said, tugging on her arm affectionately.

"Haven't we established this before? You'd probably be wallowing in misery, reading Kafka, and discovering the bongos. I can imagine."

I closed my eyes, "We should get some sleep." I felt her eyes on me and asked, "Could you get that light?"

I heard her grumble under her breath as the light snapped off. The two of us were immersed in the darkness and I found myself lulled to sleep by the sound of Laney's breathing.

I think my fears about big trouble had come too late... And I needed to fix that immediately.

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Chapter Twelve

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