Living In the Aftermath
copyright@2005
To say that life was a bit crazy for Chris Halliwell at the moment was putting it mildly. Not only was he getting over a looming meltdown caused by varying sets of memories vying for top slot in his mind, but his brother had been told that in one set of memories he was the big evil. The look on Wyatt’s face as he listened to his family talk about things – a severely tame version by Chris’ accounts – was painful to watch. Chris didn’t know what to do, but he could only hope that his aunts were right. This was the Wyatt who was meant to exist, the good one who cared about people. Chris had to believe that. He had to because Chris couldn’t lose Wyatt again, not like that.
Chris did the only thing that he could. Chris waited for him. He stayed with his mother and aunts for a little while, talking and reminiscing about interesting adventures like the time Phoebe became a genie, before heading home. He knew better than to expect Wyatt to have returned yet, so he took a seat in the living room and waited.
Chris stirred on the couch when he heard the door to the apartment open. He wasn’t sure what time it was or when he had dozed off, but from the light streaming in through the living room window, he realized that it was another day. He rubbed the sleep out of his eyes, but before he could do or say anything, Wyatt stood in front of him, looking down at him with cold eyes.
Wyatt ordered, “Get up.”
Chris stared up at his brother and forced a smile. “Hey, you’re—“
“Get up, Chris.”
Chris sighed, knowing that Wyatt’s anger was expected. He wished his family hadn’t decided to tell him about everything, but he knew why they had done it. Wyatt had to walk in on a stupid conversation about things that were probably better left unsaid because Chris was too incapable of dealing with things on his own. If anyone was to blame for Wyatt finding out, it was him.
When Chris didn’t move fast enough, Wyatt grabbed him by the arm and pulled him up. Chris pushed him away and groaned, “What the hell is wrong with you?”
“I’m evil, remember?”
Chris rolled his eyes and pushed his brother again. He said, “No, you’re not. Thank God.”
“How can you be so sure?”
Chris was able to resist the urge to hit his brother, but couldn’t refrain from saying something monumentally stupid, “Because if you were the evil Wyatt, you wouldn’t have pushed me. You’d have tortured me.”
Chris regretted the words the second they slipped out. There was still so much anger there underneath the surface, so much pain at remembering and guilt for Wyatt having to endure this burden now too. He took a deep breath and, when Wyatt didn’t respond, he said, “But you’re not evil, Wyatt. You’re my brother and I love you.”
Wyatt nodded and then, after a long second, asked, “Why didn’t you tell me, Chris?”
Chris motioned at his brother and said, “Because I knew it would hurt you. Because I knew you would react like this.”
“No, you were afraid of me.”
“I wasn’t—“
“You were afraid that I would find out the truth and I would understand what my real destiny was.”
Chris ran his hand over his face, hoping he could remove all the negativity from around him. He said, “That wasn’t your real destiny, Wyatt. Someone did that to you, forced you to undergo torture until all the good in you was gone. You were meant to be the guy that I’m talking to now. Otherwise I doubt that I would’ve been able to fix things.”
Wyatt glared at him, but Chris could see the pain his brother was trying to conceal, and he fell down onto the couch. Wyatt covered his face with his arm and muttered, “Lucky for the world you’re the good one.”
Chris wasn’t sure what to make of that. On the one hand, he was well versed in the “woe is me” feelings of inferiority that stemmed from being compared to his brother. He had grown up in Wyatt’s shadow, not nearly as powerful, and sometimes it drove him crazy when he really thought about it. On the other hand though, this was Wyatt, his older brother, the guy who in both sets of memories was his hero for a really long time. He couldn’t imagine Wyatt ever calling Chris the “good one,” let alone believing it.
Chris sat down next to his brother and said, “You’re good too, Wy. I always believed it was still there. I always held out hope that you could be saved.”
Wyatt turned to look at his brother. He shrugged and asked, “Why?”
“Don’t be stupid.”
“No, Chris, I’m serious. Why would you bother trying to save someone like me? I killed people, it sounds like I tortured you, and I was…I was the bad guy. You should’ve turned your back on me.”
“Would you turn your back on me?”
“I’m in no mood for hypotheticals, Chris. I was evil and you tried to save me. Why?”
“You were...are...my brother,” Chris countered. Off the look on Wyatt’s face, he added, “Even when you were...”
“Evil,” Wyatt finished with a frown. He shook his head and added, “You can say it, Chris. Both you and dad tried to dance around it last night, never using that word, even though the things you described…” Wyatt’s voice trailed off and he covered his face with his hands.
Chris didn’t want to go down that road with him. Not only because it was killing Wyatt to hear about that stuff, but it made it all too real, taking him back to that place that he hated so much. Chris chewed on his lip for a minute and finally responded, “For a long time, you still looked out for me. You did these horrible things, but in your own warped way, you always protected me. Even when I started to fight against you, to try to save you, you didn’t have me killed.”
Wyatt laughed mirthlessly and replied, “Oh, what a great big brother I turned out to be. I didn’t have you killed.”
“That’s not...that was a big deal in that future. You’re nothing like that evil version though. I’ve been around you the past two months, Wy. I have memories of the way you’ve been all my life. You aren’t that guy. You’re the brother that I always knew you could be if power wasn’t clouding your judgement,” Chris replied. He stood up, hovering over his brother, and said, “And for the record, you are a good big brother.”
Chris could tell that Wyatt’s angry exterior was weakening, but he wasn’t about to push him. He couldn’t imagine that it was an easy thing to find out that he was the epitome of all evil – that was why Chris hadn’t wanted him to find out. Chris had to believe it had happened for a reason. He held onto the hope that all this pain was worthwhile somehow.
Chris took a deep breath and said, “I need to get some coffee in my system. I’m supposed to meet with my advisor later this morning to discuss next year and medical rotations and all that fun stuff.”
“I could use some too.”
Chris nodded, but didn’t wait for his brother. He put on a fresh pot of coffee and sat down at the table with one of the muffins his mother had made him take last night. He watched his brother thumb through a magazine while he waited for the coffee to brew.
After a few moments of awkward silence, Chris asked, “Are you going to be okay?”
Wyatt shrugged. He turned to face Chris, arms folded across his chest, and said, “I’m not—it’s not easy finding out all these horrible things I did. The things I put our family through, made you deal with. But I know it wasn’t me.”
“It wasn’t.”
“I’m pissed off that you kept this from me, Chris.”
“I didn’t think you needed to—“
“You were going through all this crap for over two months. You’ve been dealing with all of this shit and you didn’t even talk to me about it. You’ve always talked to me about things…”
“I didn’t want—“
“I’m the big brother. I protect you, not the other way around,” Wyatt replied. He poured two cups of coffee. With his back turned to Chris, he added, “Unless, of course, those other memories made you forget that.”
Chris rolled his eyes. Since when was his brother a drama queen? He leaned back in his chair and said, “Now who’s acting like a big girl?”
Wyatt glared at him and took a seat across from him at the table. He pushed a mug in front of Chris and took a sip of his own before replying, “I’m trying to figure out why you went to mom before you came to me.”
“I never planned to tell you about those things.”
“Oh.”
“I didn’t think you needed to deal with that. Believe it or not, being protective of family is not reserved for the oldest, oh holy one.”
“Look, smartass, apparently you were on the verge of having a mental breakdown and I’m just finding out. I’ve been forcing you to handle demon situations all the while and you could’ve gotten killed, Chris. That would’ve been my fault.”
Chris wasn’t sure what to make of this conversation. Ever since they were little, after an accident involving Chris’ first bicycle, Wyatt had been overprotective of him. It was like Wyatt was convinced it was his full time job. His parents thought it was only natural that they would look out for each other, but sometimes Chris found it rather annoying. Chris said, “It wasn’t like I needed a straight jacket, Wy. I was fine to handle things most of the time.”
“You still should’ve let me know what was going on. We’ve always been a team, Chris, and now it’s like you don’t trust me.”
“I trust you!”
“And that’s why you went to our parents with this?”
Chris let out an exasperated sigh and replied, “For god’s sake! I can’t believe, after everything you found out, you’re angry at me for trying to protect you. And, for the record, I didn’t plan to tell mom either. I was having a really bad morning, she came in to check on me, and she sort of figured it out on her own. I was in no shape to pretend like everything was okay. I spent months lying to her in the past and it nearly killed me. I’m not good at it.”
“No, you’re a terrible liar, which is why I can’t believe I didn’t figure it out sooner.”
Again Chris rolled his eyes and replied, “Because it’s such an obvious idea – that your brother suddenly regains memories of a former lifetime that he tried to change.”
“Whatever.”
“Wy...”
“Chris, stop harping. I’m not going to start killing people.”
“I didn’t think you were.”
“Right. I still know you, little brother, and you’re scared to death that I’m going to turn into him. That’s the real reason you didn’t tell me,” Wyatt replied. Wyatt looked at him with an appraising gaze, the type Chris had grown to hate because he truly believed his brother could read his every thought, and added, “I don’t blame you for that.”
“I’m sorry that—“
“The only thing you should be sorry for is not telling me. You’re no more responsible for that alternate future than I am, but you should know better than to keep stuff from me, Chris. We’re a team and I could’ve lived without a family ambush like that.”
“Well, if it’s any consolation, it was originally my family ambush.” Wyatt chuckled and Chris added, “I really am sorry you had to find out that way, Wyatt.”
Wyatt shrugged and said, “What’s done is done. I’ve got to deal with it and so do you.”
“Yeah, but there’s no rule that says I can’t be there for you for once.”
“I know you’ve always got my back, Chris. I know that hasn’t changed.”
Chris smiled and said, “Does that mean you forgive me?”
“Sort of. I can forgive you for not telling me and I can even semi-understand your reasoning. But the fact that you let some creature get close enough to you to mess you up like this still makes me furious. It was idiotic.”
“I’ve already gotten this lecture from mom.”
“Well, you’re getting it again. That was monumentally stupid. Who knows what the motivation was for it to tell you stuff like that?”
“To help me. I needed to remember.”
“Why?”
“Things weren’t making complete sense when I woke up that morning—“
“Fine. It could’ve removed the past memories entirely, allowed you to enjoy this life rather than causing you to get all messed up like this.”
Chris glanced at his brother and said, “I wasn’t exactly in the best place at the time and—“
“It took advantage of you and did god knows what to you,” Wyatt replied. He stood up and said, “We need to find out more information about this thing and make sure you’re going to be okay.”
“I’m fine.”
“I’ll believe that when we’ve located the creature and it tells us that everything is okay.”
“Wyatt, you’re being ridiculous. Is this some sort of misplaced guilt—“
Wyatt’s eyes narrowed on Chris and he said, “This is me doing what I have always done – looking out for my kid brother. Someone or something has decided to mess with you and we need to find out why. End of story.”
Before Chris could respond, Wyatt dumped his cup in the sink and headed off to his room without another word. There was no slamming of doors, but Chris could tell his brother wasn’t in the mood to talk anymore. Frankly, Chris didn’t possess the energy at the moment to continue on with the same line of conversation. Last night had been emotionally draining and lack of sleep had depleted him completely.
Chris just prayed that he had enough strength in his reserves to get a shower and make it to his meeting. It was funny to him, the whole med school thing, because he never imagined that sort of life for himself. He never really had an opportunity to picture a career amidst battling demons and Wyatt in the other future. But the more time he spent in class and remembering hours talking with his dad about the wonders of healing people, it made sense to him that he had chosen this path. He hoped he was good at it and really hoped his brother’s paranoia wasn’t on the mark because a creature that powerful could put a real damper on his studying time.
***
Chris left his meeting with his advisor with an inflated ego that managed to block out all his worries about his brother and family. He hurried through the library, looking for a familiar face to share his good news with, and plopped down at a table in the library across from Heather. He grinned at her and said, “I’m having a pretty good morning.”
Heather matched his grin with one of her own and said, “You seem awfully pleased with yourself.”
“My advisor seems to think I’m a natural and pretty damn smart as well.”
Heather rolled her eyes and replied, “Oh yay! Because what we need is to have others feeding that confidence of yours.”
“Hey now, can I help it if I’m gifted?”
“You’re an idiot.”
“This is good news, Heather. I was expecting him to holler at me for a good hour or so about my incompetence the past month, but instead he went on about how many of his most brilliant students get bored in the classroom and that I would probably get back into my groove once actual rotations began in the hospital.”
“And if he’s wrong, you kill a person. Nothing to worry about,” Heather countered. She patted his hand and said, “Is that why you’ve been incompetent the past month?”
Chris shrugged. He and Heather had made great strides since they each revealed their magical identities, but he wasn’t ready to delve into his emotional breakdown. He wasn’t sure there was a way to explain things to her, witch or not, that would allow her to understand what he had gone through without having him committed to a mental facility.
“Chris…earth to Christopher.”
“I heard you. I’m just tired.”
Heather’s expression changed to worry and she asked, “Your family hasn’t decided that they hate me, have they?”
“What? Why would you think—“ Chris paused and grinned. He leaned across the table and placed a quick peck on her lips before adding, “My family loves you. I think they might love you more than they love me.”
Heather laughed and said, “Good.” She caressed his face and kissed him. “I have to admit that I was a bit worried to meet the charmed ones...and I hope I didn’t get Kyle into too much trouble with your aunt.”
Chris shrugged, “She’ll get over it. She has trouble holding onto her anger. It’s quite sad actually.” He glanced at her book and said, “You’re already studying for that test, aren’t you? It’s not until next week.”
“Not all of us are naturally brilliant, sweetie.”
“Don’t hate me because I’m smart, honey,” he countered.
She opened her mouth to respond, but Chris’ cellphone rang loudly, garnering looks from other tables. He raised his hand in apology and whispered, “Hello?”
“Why are you whispering?”
“Wy…hold on a second,” Chris replied. He looked at Heather and said, “I have to go.”
He kissed Heather goodbye and hurried out of the library. Once he was outside, he raised the phone to his ear and said, “Sorry, I was in the library. What’s up?”
“You need to get to the manor.”
Chris’ stomach dropped and he replied, “Why? What’s wrong? Is mom—“
“Mom and dad are fine. They’re not here. I just...I think I know what happened to you.”
“Oh. Great.”
“Get over here now.”
***
Chris orbed into the attic of the manor to find his brother hovered over the Book of Shadows with a concerned look on his face. He didn’t even glance up when Chris entered, simply said, “Took you long enough.”
“Yeah, you try finding a place to orb on a crowded college campus,” Chris countered. He moved over toward his brother and asked, “What’s this all about?”
Wyatt pointed to the book and said, “I couldn’t sleep this morning after our talk.”
“Wy, I’m—“
“If you apologize again, I’m going to kick your ass,” Wyatt replied. He met Chris’ gaze and went on, “I decided to do some research at the magic school and here at the manor on what could’ve hurt you—“
“It didn’t hurt me, Wyatt. You need to stop fixating on me and deal with what’s really bothering you.”
Wyatt arched his eyebrow and said, “Decided to concentrate on psychiatry, Dr. Freud?”
“No, but—“
“Chris, this isn’t just about protecting you. Whatever did this to you must have its own agenda, reasons that could have consequences for all of us.”
Chris sighed. “Fine. What did you uncover?”
Wyatt flipped to the picture of two men dressed in black robes. He said, “There’s not much here or at the school about them, but could this have been what you saw?”
Chris read what was written and shook his head, “It was never…it took the form of someone I knew, Wyatt, someone that mattered to me.”
“It says here that these things possess great amounts of power, beyond that of the Elders when it’s pooled.”
“It did say that it was beyond the control of the Elders,” Chris admitted.
“We need to get more information.”
“But where? If the Book of Shadows and the school don’t have the information, where do you expect to find this stuff?”
Wyatt shrugged and said, “I’m not sure. I mean, I’ve never really heard them mentioned before reading this, but someone in our family must’ve encountered them somewhere down the line, right? You couldn’t have been the first.”
“Wyatt, we don’t even know for sure that this is what I encountered at the school.”
“Chris, they have the ability to manipulate time and memories. There aren’t many creatures that can do that, and I doubt the cleaners were involved.”
“Fine, fine. You’re probably right,” Chris replied. He concentrated on his memories, both sets, but came up empty both times. He said, “But we need to be sure before you start freaking out.”
“I’m not freaking out...and I think...” Wyatt paused and Chris could tell that his brother had gotten what he thought was an ingenious idea.
Wyatt called out, “Uncle Kyle?”
“Why are you bothering Uncle Kyle?”
“Because I think I might remember something from when we were little, I was probably two at the time—“
“Oh, right. Sure. Makes total sense,” Chris replied. He met his brother’s annoyed glare and shrugged, “Hey, you’re the one convinced you can recall things that happened when you were a toddler.”
Kyle orbed in and stared at his two nephews with a curious gaze. He folded his arms and said, “Why is it that when I see that look on both your faces, I worry?”
“Uncle Kyle, Chris and I need some information.”
“Your dad probably knows more—“
“What are the Avatars?” Wyatt asked.
Chris winced when he noticed the expression on his uncle’s face contort with worry. That didn’t bode well. If they were responsible for him regaining his other memories, maybe they weren’t so benevolent after all.
“What was that?”
“You do know about them! I was right!” Wyatt replied. He nudged Chris in the side and said, “That will teach you to doubt me, bro.”
“How did you boys—“
“Wyatt thinks they might be responsible for the sudden re-emergence of the old me,” Chris said.
Kyle sighed and said, “If they are back, it is something they are capable of.” Kyle pointed at Chris and Wyatt and stated, “I want you both to keep this to yourselves for the time being and I’ll meet you at your apartment later this evening.”
Chris was in no hurry to understand that look on his uncle’s face and said, “Wyatt has to work—“
“I’ll switch shifts. Thanks Uncle Kyle.”
“Don’t thank me,” Kyle replied before orbing away.
Chris glanced at Wyatt and said, “Maybe I’m crazy, but from the look on his face, the Avatars aren’t our friends.”
“And that means that we can’t exactly trust whatever motivation they had for making you remember.”
Chris and Wyatt exchanged glances and mumbled simultaneously, “Great.”
{Fin}