Chapter 9 - "There Today, Gone…Later Today"
(the next morning)
Chris turned over in his bed and pressed his pillow to his face to block out the images playing over and over in his mind.
"Mistletoe!"
He groaned when her voice permeated through the shield of feathery defense he tried to create for himself. He was acting ridiculous. This was Annie. His best friend. His confidant.
And he was jealous of her relationship.
With JC. His friend. His confidant.
Absolutely, ridiculously absurd. He tried reasoning with himself numerous times about just how stupid he acting. But something inside him was rebelling against his attempt at levelheaded thinking. Maybe it was because he didn't do it too often.
Another groan came from under the pillows as a mental image of her appeared even behind his closed eyelids. After 18 years, he could conjure up a perfect likeness of her whenever he pleased. And sometimes even when he didn't.
Her shoulder length, caramel colored hair and matching eyes. The way her hips moved innocently back and forth when she walked, causing the gentle swaying of her ever -present ponytail against her elegant neck. That small action had caught his attention the entire day before, and Chris couldn't understand why such an insignificant detail was stuck in his mind.
He surmised that he was going insane.
Why do I always start my mornings thinking about her?
There was more truth to that statement than he would have liked to admit. Even before his mind and body were rampaged with these conflicting new feelings, he would wake up and his thoughts would immediately stray to Annie.
What they were going to do that day. If she was feeling alright. How her day had been. If she finished up all her work. He had never awaken to thoughts of her hair before, but for the last few months, it had always been something.
"Uhhh, someone needs to shoot me."
"You'll have a volunteer if you don't shut up man," came the groggy voice of Joey in the bed next to his.
Chris' head shot up to look at Joey who was glaring at him from across the room. "Sorry Joe. Go back to sleep, I'll keep my mouth closed."
Joey shifted and pulled covers off of his body. "Too late now. Yes, it is…" he stopped to check the clock on the night stand, "…eight 'o clock in the morning, on our day off no less, and I'm awake. I'm going to make some coffee. Do you want any?"
"No, I think I'm just going to go back to sleep. After all, it IS only eight 'o clock," Chris answered before snickering.
"Yeah, whatever," Joey responded as he ran a hand through his bright red hair, causing it to bounce in odd directions.
He continued mumbling to himself as he walked slowly out of the room and closed the door behind him.
When the door was secured shut, the pillow was put back into position over his face. He had more common sense than to be sucked into this soap opera he was making of his life. He had been a friend to Annie for the majority of his twenty-eight years. Never had he let anything endanger what he had with her, and he wasn't going to start then.
He was going to be supportive of her relationship with…JC. He was going to laugh and joke with her like he did before this mess began. He was going to prove to himself that he could be the friend that Annie used to know. Like it was supposed to be.
Rolling over, Chris shut his eyes and hugged that pillow to chest as he forced himself to stop thinking so much right then and get some more sleep. It wouldn't help his cause if he were tired and aggravated when he saw her that day.
Joey sat on the couch, a cup of coffee held with both hands, his eyes staring straight ahead.
Justin stumbled out of his room and walked blindly to the refrigerator. Opening it up, he scanned quickly for the milk. Upon retrieving it, he closed the fridge and took a bowl, a spoon and box of cereal the others knew better than to move or touch at all. Some suspected he dusted it for fingerprints when they weren't home.
He filled the bowl up with the decorative, sugarcoated pieces and cursed grumpily under his breath when the milk he poured in after the cereal splashed up out of the bowl and landed on the counter. For a moment, it looked like he was going to reach and grab a napkin to wipe it. Then at the last second, he changed his mind, shrugged his shoulders, and focused his attention, once again, on the food in front of him.
Holding the spoon in his right hand, he used his left to absently scratch his bare chest before bending down and shoveling the first bite into his mouth. Not even five minutes later, he had finished eating and looked up to see the world without blinders.
"'Morning Joe," he mumbled.
"Justin," he responded without so much as looking in his young friend's direction.
Straightening his lanky frame, he padded across to Joey. "What crawled up your ass and died?" He asked before dropping himself down on the couch next to him.
"Chris," Joey answered simply.
"Ahh…still the breath of fresh air he has been lately?" Justin asked sarcastically.
"He didn't really say anything. He just kept groaning and mumbling to himself. If I didn't know better…" he started and then trailed off, only to be finished by Justin.
"…You'd think Annie was in the bed with him?"
Joey's eyes turned to Justin's in shock before they both exploded in to laughter. "I was going to say, he was having thoughts of her in there with him. But what ever way you want to think about it."
Lance walked out his room and steadily into the kitchen. He was wearing a pair of plain navy blue boxer shorts and a wife beater. His spiky blonde hair shot up in some places and was pressed to his head in others. He balled his hands into fists and rubbed his eyes before interjecting without so much as looking at the men in the living room.
"I think the fact that you're thinking about that at all is rather frightening."
Justin and Joey ignored their friend's comment. Justin picked up the remote and clicked the television on. "Hmm…is there anything good on?"
"Check out HBO," Joey advised.
Justin gave him a sideways glance and rolled his eyes, "You just want to see if Showgirls is on again."
"Hey! I only watch it for the articles," he defended himself playfully and Justin scoffed.
He flipped through the channels rapidly until hitting ESPN. "Oh good! It's yesterday's game. I missed it."
Joey stared at the television in confusion, "Yesterday's game of WHAT?"
Justin's eyes remained glued to the TV, "Arena football."
"You watch arena football?" Joey asked.
"Yeah, maybe if you stayed in for once when we had a day off instead of going to clubs every night, you would know that," the younger man retorted.
Joey continued looking at him, "Since WHEN?"
"Ugh! Here, watch this," Justin turned and called to the man sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee and reading a newspaper, "Hey Lance, don't I watch arena football?"
"Apparently," Lance responded with missing a beat, his face still hidden behind the paper.
"See?" Justin said proudly.
Joey furrowed his eyebrows, "But…" he sighed when he realized it was better to give up, "Whatever."
"See that guy with the ball?" Justin asked, pointing to the screen at a man running swiftly across the field dodging defender after defender. "That's Derrick…uhh…something. He's the best player."
"He's the best player and you don't even know his name?" Joey challenged.
"Well, it's not like I have tons of free time to keep myself updated on everything that goes on," Justin argued, "Anyway, see what he just did? That's…"
His voice trailed off when he saw that Joey wasn't even looking at the television anymore. "Why do I even bother?" He asked rhetorically, but Joey answered him anyway.
"I honestly don't know."
Before Justin could respond, JC came bounding out of his room. He was wide-awake, a sharp contrast from his usual drowsiness. "Hi guys."
Lance put his paper down and looked at him. "Hi JC. What got you in such a good mood?"
"I don't know. Woke up like this, I guess," he answered while pouring himself a cup of coffee.
Lance shrugged his shoulders and stood up. "Anyone have any interesting plans for today?"
"Basketball," Justin announced.
"Clubbing," Joey added.
"What about you, JC? Doing anything today?" Lance asked.
JC all of a sudden looked very uncomfortable. He sat down on the edge of the couch and answered, "I'm going out to dinner."
Justin's eyes narrowed as they met JC's, "With who?"
"Umm, with Annie," he clarified quickly.
"Man! What is wrong with you, C?" Justin exclaimed, "You KNOW that she should be with Chris, why do you keep asking her out?"
"Can I help it if I like her? I'm sorry, but I like spending time with her! She's fun! She's interesting! She's pretty!" He stopped to look down and collect his thoughts, "I know what you guys have been trying to do, and I understand why you've been trying to do it. It's just…I can't help what I feel, can I? I can't sit here and waste MY life because I wanted to help someone else get the woman I'M dating. I love Chris, I do. But you guys can see how that's ridiculous, don't you?"
Joey put a reassuring hand on shoulder and said, "Don't worry, I completely understand. But you have to understand that more likely than not, your relationship isn't going to work. I'm sorry man, but it's the truth."
"I know. I just…I have to see what's there."
Lance joined in the conversation then, "Did you tell Chris?"
"Tell Chris what?"
Four men turned to see Chris standing in the doorway. The clothes he was wearing from the day before were wrinkled and slept in. "Tell me what?" He reiterated.
Three men turned their heads from Chris to JC. "I'm taking Annie out to dinner tonight."
Three heads shifted to look back at Chris for his reaction.
To their surprise, all they got from him was what looked like a resigned shrug. "Why would he have to ask me?"
"Because it's Annie," Justin explained in a voice that said it was as obvious as saying the sky was blue.
"So?" He asked, "Do I have some claim over her or something? We're friends. He can go wherever he wants with her. She doesn't ask me for permission, he doesn't have to either."
He said it with conviction, but his bloodshot eyes gave away his true feelings. He walked to the cabinets and grabbed a cup.
"Oookay. So, you have absolutely no problem with JC taking Annie out? None whatsoever?" Justin asked.
His back was to them so they couldn't see his face. Their suspicions were confirmed however, when he froze, his arm reaching out to grab the coffee pot. His whole body went rigid for a split second before he resumed what he was doing, but they caught it. "No problem whatsoever."
His tone was harsher than he meant it to be and JC flinched. "Are you sure Chris? Just say that word and I'll back off."
He picked up the pot, his back still to them, "Do whatever the hell you want JC." He swirled the last drops of coffee around the bottom of the pot before angrily slamming it down. All four men jumped. "We're out of coffee."
The buzzer sounded while she was in her bedroom reading. She hopped off her bed and pressed the button.
"Hello?"
"Mary? It's me. Let me up," Chris' tired said.
"Why didn't you just use your key?" She asked, pressing the button down.
"I forgot it at home, can you just let me up?" He responded lamely.
She hit the button that unlocked the main door and waited for him to knock on the one to her apartment. Seconds later, she heard his footsteps clomping on the wooden floor of the hallway. She opened the door to see his fist raised, about to knock.
"Hey there," she said when he stepped in.
He didn't respond, instead he simply stared at her. His brown eyes made their way up and down her body with such intensity, that she felt herself blush under the scrutiny. He'd never looked at her in such an intimate way. No one had ever looked at her that thoroughly before. It was unnerving.
She nervously tucked a piece of hair that had fallen out of her ponytail behind her ear. "Uhh…Chris?"
"Hmmm?" He responded, not taking his eyes off of her. After a moment, his eyes went wide and he jerked his head up. "I mean…I'm sorry. I'm not feeling well today. I don't know what's going on with me lately." Well, I'm not lying.
"Yeah, you don't look too well," Annie replied. She reached up to touch his cheek and then quickly brought her hand back. For some reason, it didn't feel right to touch him then.
"So you're going out with JC today, huh?" He asked.
Annie groaned inwardly. She was excited about her dinner that night with JC, she was curious why he'd asked her out. But, just as touching him felt awkward, she wasn't comfortable talking about this with Chris.
"Yeah, it's nothing big. Just dinner," Annie answered, trying to downplay the importance it held with her.
He shook his head lightly and said, "We both know that you're excited about this. Why are you lying to me?"
Damn him for knowing her so well.
She shrugged her shoulders nonchalantly and replied, "I don't know. Just didn't want to make it a huge deal. Waste your time."
"Mary! We're friends, right? Best friends! What makes you think you can't talk to me all of a sudden?" Chris demanded. I'm sure it has nothing to do with me staring at her like a STALKER.
"I KNOW we're best friends, Chris. Don't be stupid. I just…" he cut her off.
"EX-CUSE me? I'm the one being stupid?" He said over-exaggeratedly. She smiled and he was happy to fall back in to their usual banter. Keep going, you can do this.
He took a step toward her and put and a hand on his chest, "I'm the one being stupid?"
"Is that REALLY a shock Chris?" She asked teasingly.
His eyes went wide and some of the sparkle returned to them. "I can't believe you just said that! You're the one who said we weren't friends…"
"I did NOT!" She protested.
He kept on going as if she hadn't said a word. "Because we're best friends Mary. We're like…" his eyes got an evil glint them and he smiled, "We're like the Lone Ranger and Tonto."
Her eyebrows furrowed at the familiar phrase.
He continued, "Laurel and Hardy."
He paused to let her process the next line. "Batman and Robin."
Annie's eyes widened and she doubled over in laughter when she remembered the old song they sang in school.
Chris swiftly closed the space between them and grabbed her hands. He danced them to the middle of the room and began singing in his high voice.
"We be Snoopy and Charlie! Friends through thick and thin, friends to the very end. I think you would agree. That's how it is for you and me!!" He spun her around and laughed when she shrieked. "Sing it with me Mary!"
Together, they belted out, "I I I want you to know, I need you. And I I I want you to know, it's true. There's no no no no way I'd make it without you! It's so good to know, I've got a friend like you!"
Chris dropped her hands to do an over-dramatic, YMCA-like point. "And you and you and you and you and you!"
By the time they had finished, both were laughing hysterically. "Oh my gosh!" Annie exclaimed as she gasped for breath, "I don't believe you remember that!"
"How could I not remember a song like that?" He asked.
Annie dropped down and sat on the ground, threw her head back, closed her eyes and laughed.
Chris' chuckles melted into a gentle, almost wistful smile as he stood above his friend and watched her laugh.
He had the sudden urge to touch her, stroke her cheek, something. Instead, he crammed his hands into his pockets. Friends Chris. Friends.
JC sat on the edge of his bed and tied his shoes. There was a knock at his bedroom door. Finishing up his left foot, he straightened to look up at the person knocking. Justin stood in front of him.
JC sighed and ran a hand over his face. "Please, I know what a horrible person I am. I don't want to hear it again."
"Actually, I came to apologize," the curly one admitted. His friend looked up in shock.
"The mighty Justin Timberlake is apologizing?" He joked.
"Yeah, well savor the moment, because it won't be happening for a long time," he responded, then quickly sobered, "I am sorry for jumping on your back this morning."
"Nah, it's cool. No hard feelings."
"I don't have one thing to say though."
"And here it comes…words of wisdom from the wise nineteen year old Justin Timberlake," JC said sarcastically.
"I'm not going to tell you what to do JC, not like you'd listen to me if I did," he continued after JC nodded his head in agreement, "I'm going to lay it all out on the table. Talk to you straight out, and you can do with this information what you will. Alright?"
"Well, wow me with your sagacity in five minutes or less, I've really got to get going," he replied impatiently.
"Here I go. I understand what you're saying, where you're coming from. But you have to realize something, as much as you might want something to happen between you two, as much as you might feel for her and she might feel for you, it would never work. She LOVES Chris, JC. She doesn't love you. So go on your date and try to sort out whatever is going on with you, but know that she doesn't belong with you. She belongs with Chris," he paused, "And that's all I have to say."
With that, he turned around and walked out of the room, leaving JC to contemplate his words.
The restaurant wasn't swanky, but it was upper class nonetheless. Annie was dressed semi-formally in dark dress cut above the knee. They sat down and began making small talk.
"We're finally going to get to go back into the studio," he said.
"Yeah, I know. Chris actually mentioned that to me. I bet you're excited."
"Definitely, I'm so psyched right now. I want to start now. I get this…feeling when I'm in the studio. It's indescribable," JC tried to explain.
"I wish I had something like that. That I could get lost in. Forget about everything. Even if it was only for a little while."
"You don't have anything like that?" JC asked.
Annie shook her head sadly, "No, but I see everyone around me pursuing their passions. You have your music and production, writing. And Chris, as much as he loves singing, I think when he really comes alive is when he's entertaining people. Making the group of us laugh at dinner, that's when you see the real Chris. He's happy when he's making other people happy, and I think that's amazing. I just want something like that."
"I see."
She laughed nervously and shifted in her seat. "Sooo…"
"What you're doing right now…you don't enjoy it?" JC tried to picture himself doing something he didn't love. It was impossible. There was no way he would ever stick with it and try if he couldn't stand the thought of going into work the next morning. The thought of it was a nightmare to him.
"No, I do love it. I love working with numbers and statistics…that's the way my mind works. But I could never immerse myself in anything that I do. It's a great job though, and I don't think I'd want to be doing anything else. And it makes me happy knowing that I'm helping Chris too. He's done so much for me," she answered.
"I see," JC responded, slightly less enthusiastically.
"Yeah…"
There was a long silence. As Annie played with the tongs of her fork, she thought idly that if she were in this type of situation with Chris, he would have made a joke to ease the tension by then.
Finally, after 10 minutes of neither saying anything of importance, the waiter approached with their dinners.
When he'd given them each the appropriate meal, he took the huge pepper shaker that he had been holding securely under his arm and held it out.
"Pepper?" He questioned.
JC waved him off and he turned to Annie. When she did the same thing, he smiled and nodded before taking the tray and returning to the kitchen.
When he was gone, Annie grinned at JC and said, "Oh, that waiter reminded of something really funny. Once, about a year ago, Chris and I were out to dinner with my mother. It was a really fancy place and…"
She trailed off when she saw JC looking at her strangely. "Did I say something wrong?"
He shook his head slowly. "No, you didn't say anything wrong. I just…I…uh…I want to know when you're going to admit to yourself that you love him."
Annie was utterly confused, "What are you talking about? Love who?"
"Chris! Annie, you're completely in love with Chris."
Annie threw her hands up in the air, attracting some attention. She rolled her eyes before hissing, "Not you too. Come on! I don't know how many times I have to say it! I don't care about him like that. Right now the only person I even remotely care about in that way is…"
JC's face contorted into a painful expression, "Don't finish the sentence. Please. This is hard enough. I'm going to say this to you straight out, and you make with the information what you will, alright?" JC asked, relying on Justin's tactic.
Annie leaned back in her chair and crossed her arms over her chest, "I'm listening."
JC took a deep breath to gather his wits and began, "You'll never…you'll never care about MY well-being over your own. You'll never be able to know what I'm thinking before I say it, even before I know myself. You'll never know from the tone of my voice or from the expression on my face when I need to be comforted, to be held.
"You'll never find a way to relate a story about me to random conversations or…or…PEPPER SHAKERS. There's only one person who does that for you, and we both who it is."
Annie sat across from him with a dumbfounded look on her face. Everything he was saying was true. As insane as it might seem. But…that was just the way they were. That's how strong their friendship was.
"You might like me a lot…but you'll never love me. And I may like you, I DO like you, but I could go my whole life and never show you for one second the kind of intensity and care he conveys every time he looks your way.
"Some people search their whole lives for that one second. You've had it for eighteen years and have never realized it. You've been too close to the situation. You've been nearly oblivious to it. You don't treasure and cherish it because you take it for granted. Annie, I don't think you know what it feels like NOT to be in love."
To this statement, Annie shook her head wildly is disagreement, "But you don't understand, JC. We have a connection, yes. But we're just friends. We're always there for each other and we go to each other for support and guidance. That's love, but not the love you're describing."
JC almost laughed at the vehement way she denied something that was so painfully obvious to the rest of the world. "Okay, did you ever think about the fact that one day you won't be the one he calls when he needs help? You won't be the most special woman in his life. He'll have a wife, maybe some kids. He'll go home and be supported and guided and loved by a woman that's NOT you. What will you do when that day comes?"
Annie's mouth opened and then closed again. She really HADN'T thought about that. They were in their late twenties, not teenagers anymore. The reality was, they were going to have to settle down soon. Both of them. Annie couldn't even imagine a day when she wasn't the first person that Chris called about a problem, and vise versa. It was absolutely unimaginable.
JC watched her pained expression as she tossed that idea around in her head. "Have you ever thought about that?"
She silently shook her head.
Leaning in, JC went for the kill. He whispered, "Have you ever thought about what it would be like to kiss him?"
She unconsciously brought her fingers up to her mouth and traced her lips. "No," she breathed.
JC smiled at her newly glazed expression, "Well, you obviously are now."
She nodded her head absently before snapping it up. "I…I have to go JC." Taking her purse and jacket, she kissed his cheek and turned around to run out of the restaurant.
JC watched her go and put his head in his hands. "If it were anyone but Chris…"