Chapter 17 - "Dead Air"
JC let the kiss go on for several shocked moments before putting his hands on Annie's shoulders and pushing her back.
"What are you doing?!" He demanded.
Her eyes widened and she stuttered, "I'm…I'm kissing you, I guess."
"You GUESS? Are you unsure?"
"N…no…no. I'm kissing you."
"Why Annie? Why would you do that to me?" He questioned, his voice lowering.
"I…because…do what to you?"
JC could tell she was incredibly disoriented and he almost understood her behavior. But his selfish side took over. He stood quietly by for months not saying anything, letting himself be hurt.
He wasn't going to be silent anymore.
"Do WHAT to me, Annie? You know, you KNOW that I have feelings for you. I've told you. You're in love with Chris, I know that. Nothing could ever happen between us, I KNOW THAT. Then, I finally find a girl, Jamie, who I actually care for. I think I'm moving past this and can actually be JUST your friend. AND THEN YOU KISS ME!"
"I…oh God…JC I didn't mean it…"
"I mean, have I ever been anything other than supportive of you? Have I ever tried to push myself onto you?"
"NO! No, of course not…"
"Then what did I do to deserve this? I don't get it," he finished, scooting on the floor away from her.
"You didn't do anything. This is…this is my fault…"
"Damn RIGHT it's your fault!"
"I wasn't thinking. I wasn't…I'm so sorry," she pleaded, her eyes lowering. She was unable to look at him.
JC sighed and shook his head. He was wrong. It wasn't really her fault and she had been through so much in the last 10 minutes that she couldn't really be blamed for any irrational behavior.
No, no, there was only one person responsible for all of that.
And he was across the hall sulking.
He was his best friend.
He was gonna give him something to sulk about.
JC stood up and walked over to Annie, putting his hand out to help her stand up. She took it tentatively and let herself be pulled up.
"I'm sorry I yelled at you Annie."
"NO! Don't apologize. What I did…it was inexcusable. I need to apologize…"
"You really don't. You weren't thinking clearly. I completely understand. I lost my temper at the wrong person…."
"…Because right now, JC, you're my best friend."
That statement made him freeze. It was the truth, and it sickened him. Not because he was close to her, but because the person she most wanted had belittled their entire, lifelong friendship in one swift movement.
Chris seemed remorseful.
Good. He damn well should.
"Annie, I'm sorry about everything's that's happened," he whispered.
"He pities me," she answered meekly.
"No, he doesn't. He's not himself. We both know that."
"But you don't understand JC! My whole life I've dumped everything on him. All of my worries and all of my pain. I've burdened him. I've brought him down with all of my baggage, and I've kept him down. And all this time…he didn't even value it. He pitied me. The job I have now, I have because he felt bad. Because he knew I wasn't doing well at home. He felt responsible to help me," Annie said, her voice distant and detached.
"Annie! He wanted you near him! You should have seen him before you came. It's all he talked about. Even NOW, you're all he talks about. He doesn't pity…"
"Were you here, JC? DID YOU HEAR WHAT HE SAID?"
"Yes, I was here. Yes, I heard it…"
"That's the one thing I've worried about most my entire life. That I was a task, a little pest for him to take care of. He always reassured me and told me I was wrong. I believed him, JC. I believed him. And all this time I was right."
"And he knew it Annie! He knew that you were scared of that. He knows you better than anyone! He knew what would make you the most upset and he used it against you."
"Why JC? Why would he do that to me?" She asked the most logical question, and the only one that neither knew the answer to.
"I…don't know. But he regretted it. Didn't you see that? He was sorry. He genuinely felt terrible." He's an asshole. Why am I defending him? For her sake.
"Only because after all these years he feels responsible for me. Like he's my father or something," Annie answered, as if it was the obvious response.
"No Annie, he takes CARE of you because he loves you. He's always loved you."
Annie snorted disbelievingly but didn't speak.
"He's going through a tough time right now. I don't know what's wrong with him, but he loves you SO much. Why can't you be secure enough to realize that?"
Annie looked him straight in the eye. "My entire world has been turned upside down and you're yelling at me."
JC raked a hand through his hair in frustration. "I'm not yelling at you then, I'm trying to get you to understand."
"I have to go."
"No Annie…"
"I have to go."
Mechanically, Annie picked up her purse and dusted herself off.
"Don't walk out of here mad at everyone. Please."
"I'm not mad at ANYONE JC."
"Annie…"
"I have to go."
There was a certain tone to it. The way she said it. He didn't like what it implied.
"You're…not coming back, are you?"
"I leave with SJ for Pennsylvania for my mother's wedding, and after that…no, I don't think I'll be coming back."
The finality of the statement scared him.
"Why don't you talk to Chris about this before you do something rash?" JC suggested desperately. Chris didn't deserve the kindness JC was showing him. But he also knew that Chris would torture himself for the rest of his life if he let Annie walk away.
Chris fucked up, and more than anything JC wanted to know WHY.
"I don't ever want to talk to him again. I don't want to…bring him down anymore. I have to leave." She walked to JC and kissed him on the cheek "You've helped me so much and I'm in debt to you. You're a great person. Thank you so much for putting up with me for so long."
She gave him a weak smile before walking slowly out of the room.
JC stood in the room in shock a solid few minutes before crashing out the door Annie had left from and going in the exact opposite direction.
He walked to the room where the guys were recording a remix of one of their songs. Walking in, he saw all four of his group mates. Justin was at the microphone singing, Joey and Lance were watching from couches in the back and Chris was sitting on the other side of the room staring into space.
There were some technicians and producers in the room overseeing everything that was going on.
When he stepped in, Joey spoke first. In a hushed whisper he asked, "Do you know what's wrong with Chris?"
JC glared in the older man's direction. "Not a damn clue."
He moved swiftly past the couch to Chris on the floor. JC reached down and brought him savagely to his feet by gripping the collar of his shirt.
When he was at eye level, and without letting go of the handful of shirt, JC sent him a hard right straight to his jaw.
The music immediately stopped and in a second Lance and Joey had Chris and JC separated. Justin ran out of the soundproof booth and stopped a few feet behind the struggle. He shot looks at the other people in the room and they all politely exited.
When the door closed and the last person had left, Justin joined the other four men. JC and Chris were struggling against the hands that held them securely several feet apart. Their eyes were shooting daggers at one another and anyone who saw them would have thought they were two wild animals.
"How could you so this to her, Chris?! How could you lie to her like that??" JC shouted.
"I didn't mean it you son of a bitch! I just…how could YOU do this to ME? I thought we were friends! I mean, I know I said it was alright…but how could you…how could you…"
The venom and pure ice hadn't left JC's features, while Chris was almost slack in Lance's hands.
"HOW COULD I WHAT! DAMMIT CHRIS! WHAT?!!!"
"HOW COULD YOU MOVE IN ON HER?!"
The shock hit the men in the room like a bright bolt of lightening. Justin's eyes widened and Joey and Lance lost their grip on their friends. Both men went tumbling to the ground. JC because he was struggling too hard and Chris because he had let himself be held up by Lance.
JC pushed himself up on his hunches and stared at Chris. "What are you talking about? I'm not dating Annie."
Chris stayed sprawled on the ground. When he heard JC response, he guffawed loudly.
"Honestly Chris, we're friends. Where the hell are you getting this stuff?"
"Please. I heard you guys talking."
Confusion had replaced JC's anger. "Talking? When?"
"That day in the studio after…after…I heard you talking. She said that it was because of us trying to get her together with you that she fell in love and that she and I would always be…friends," the last word was spit out.
JC slapped his hands to his face. "Is THAT what this is about? Well Jesus, if you would have asked instead of jumping to conclusions, you would have found out that you misinterpreted the conversation."
"Misinterpreted how?"
"That conversation wasn't about me and her…it was about you and her. You're an idiot. If it wasn't for me and your little plan, she would never have realized her feelings for YOU."
The first grains of doubt found their way into Chris' mind. "But…she…she said that we would always be friends."
"No, she said you'd always be friends, but now you're…more, I guess. God I sound stupid."
"You do sound kind of stupid," Joey admitted.
"Thanks man," JC answered.
"You said you've been going out on dates everyday this past whole week. If not Annie, then who have you been seeing?" Chris said accusingly.
"Jamie Walker, Jerry and Dolores' daughter," JC replied.
"You've been dating the Walker girl?" Chris asked.
"Yes, I have. And she's great," JC responded emphatically.
"No, that can't be right…" Chris said softly, and mostly to himself.
"It's right," JC countered.
He was reaching. All of his hard, positive evidence was being tossed away. He threw out his last card. "You called her Mary."
"Chris! It was an accident! She corrected me a second after I said it. Didn't you hear her?"
"I didn't stay around long enough…" he admitted, "But WHY would you call her MY name?"
"You say it so often, man. Sometimes it just slips."
Justin piped up, "Yeah, you know Chris, I've called her that before too."
"Me too," Lance and Joey followed.
His world tumbled down around him. He was so jealous and he jumped to conclusions so quickly that he got everything wrong. He wasted all that time with Robin, when he could have been with Annie.
The entire conversation he eavesdropped on came back to him and he thought of it in the context of he and Annie. "I think I'm going to throw up," Chris gurgled, pulling his legs up into the fetal position.
"That's right Chris, Annie's in love with you and you treated her like trash."
A look of horror appeared on Chris' face, "Oh God…no, no, no. Please stop."
"The last thing I want to do right now is spare YOUR feelings, Chris. You ignored her, you refused to listen to reason, you refused to come to any of us with these accusations…you punished us without hearing us out. You played all these stupid games. Got a new girlfriend…a fucking leach…all to make her jealous. I think I'M going to throw up."
He curled up into a tighter ball on the ground, his hands pressed tightly against his ears to block out the sound of JC recounting his sins. "Shut up," he whispered desperately as he accuser stood up to tower over him.
"She not only feels this way about you…but you're the one that made her feel that way. You went into her office and…well let's say that I know EVERYTHING you did in there. And the next day you ditch her. Leave her high and dry…feeling confused and used and dirty."
"Shut. Up," his voice was less controlled. It wavered like a man on the edge. His fingers dug into the back of his ears and the heels of his hands were pressed down so hard into his ears that his head began throbbing. He only pressed harder.
"And then…AND THEN," JC went on as the three other men stared on, planted in the their positions, "You not only make her feel like some insignificant slut NOW, but you…"
"SHUT UP."
"…didn't stop there. Oh no. Not Chris. He has to go ALL THE WAY, don't you man?"
"SHUT UP!"
"He can't stop with completely ruining her self-esteem. He has to pull out all the stops by then telling her that their entire relationship has meant absolutely NOTHING. Right Chris? That's what she means to you, right?"
"NO! STOP IT! SHUT UP!" Chris wailed from the ground.
"She's another chick, right? Just like one of our fans. Someone you can throw around at will. A pity case…"
"NO!"
"No?" JC said in mock indignation and surprise, "But that's what you said, Chris. 'Pity case'. I believe those were your exact words."
Justin, Joey and Lance reeled at this new information. They all knew they should stop the display in front of them, but no one knew how.
"And really, what's eighteen years of friendship anyway? She's been a burden to you," JC's eyes were malicious and unyielding. This had been a long way coming.
"Shut the fuck up JC," Chris' voice was low and dangerous.
"I agree with you man," he went on, unfazed by Chris' pleas, "Annie's too self-aware. She only thinks about herself. A conceited BITCH who never worries about anyone or anything but what concerns her, right? God Chris, I was only around her a few months and I couldn't stand her. How did you put up with her for all of those years?"
In a second, Chris was off the ground and JC was pinned to the wall; one of the older man's forearms pushed against his throat and his other hand holding a fistful of his shirt.
"Take it back!"
"What?" JC croaked out innocently.
"Everything you said about her! Take it back!"
"But I'm repeating what you said earlier. Just a few minutes ago. This is how YOU feel about her, remember? You said so yourself."
"You know I didn't mean that! That's not how I feel about her AT ALL!"
"It's not? Then pray tell, my friend, how DO you feel about her?"
"I LOVE HER GODDAMMIT! I love her more than anything."
The arm against JC's throat dropped and the hand around his shirt loosened. He slid away from the wall and Chris leaned forward until his forehead lay against the cool wood.
"Funny way you have of showing it."
Chris closed his eyes tightly when he heard the condescending words from JC. "I don't deserve to live," he mumbled.
"Well if it weren't for these guys…" Chris couldn't see him point to Justin, Lance and Joey, but he knew who he was referring to, "…You probably wouldn't be."
"Oh God…" Chris slid his arms up the wall to stretch above his head, palms pressed solidly to the wood.
"And Chris, one more thing. Everything you're feeling right now. She's feeling about 20 times worse. The only difference is, you deserve it." JC walked out of the room, closing the door softly behind him.
The other three men watched in pity as the first of what would be an infinite amount of sobs escaped Chris' lips. The sound was surprisingly low and guttural and tore at all their hearts. Another followed the first, and then another and another until you couldn't tell where one tortured wail ended and the next began.
Joey walked forward slowly and patted Chris on the back. "Come on buddy, let's go home."
Chris didn't calm down enough to respond, but he let himself be guided to the door. All four men walked out and people stared curiously at the superstar crying hysterically while he walked down the hallway.
The faces of his three friends dared the onlookers to speak. No one did.
"How is he?" Joey whispered as he walked back into the kitchen.
"He hasn't stopped crying," Justin replied, "I didn't think it was possible for someone to cry so much."
"He lost his best friend and the woman that he was in love with. It's not something you get over quickly," Lance answered.
"Yeah, but it's been like hours," Justin stressed.
JC walked into the kitchen to join his three friends. They all glared at him.
"What?" He asked, glaring unabashedly right back.
"Why did you do that to him?" Justin ground out.
"Do WHAT? Tell him the truth. Oh please forgive me," he remarked sarcastically, rolling his eyes.
"JC! For God's sake! He was curled up on the floor like a little kid!" Joey yelled.
"You should have heard the stuff he said to her, guys. Everything that I said, and everything that he felt, he deserved. He was downright cruel to her," JC defended himself.
"Did you SEE him when you were saying all those things, man? He was in physical pain. He's in his room right now weeping," Lance reasoned.
"You didn't see HER when he was an asshole to her for months. She was a wreck."
"Yeah, but JC, you forget," Justin said, "He wasn't exactly living it up either. He was in love with this woman and he thought that she loved his best friend. Can you imagine what that must feel like? I mean, sure, he was wrong. And he misjudged her and you, but think about for a minute. He felt betrayed and lied to. So he retaliated. And, okay, he's an idiot. We know that, God knows HE knows that. But he made an honest mistake. And I think…I think…I think you might have broken him, JC."
Chris shoved his face into his pillow in an attempt to make the sobs stop wracking his body, but nothing worked.
His hair was matted, his voice was completely hoarse and his eyes were almost totally swollen shut.
I don't deserve her. I NEVER deserved her. She was always a sweet girl and I was a smart-ass kid. She trusted me wholly and I…hurt her as much as I could. I don't deserve her. I need her, I love her, but I don't deserve her.
I have to let her go. She's too good for me. I don't even deserve to be her friend. I betrayed her, and I trivialized our friendship. God, what the fuck was I thinking? I'm so messed up.
I should stick with Robin. She's shallow, inconsiderate and fickle. Just like me. I deserve her.
She's gone. Mary's gone. I'm never going to be happy again. I have to deal.
His chest heaved and he bit down hard on his pillow, his hands gripping the comforter…which at that moment lacked any comfort whatsoever.
(5 days later)
Chris fiddled with his guitar. He positioned it and repositioned it until it felt comfortable resting against him. He began strumming it aimlessly. Truth be told, he really didn't play at all. He bought one because he felt that every serious musician should at least own a guitar. If only for show.
Joey and Justin were battling it out in front of him on the Nintendo 64 while Lance talked in hushed tones over the telephone to SJ. Chris tried to ignore the way Lance kept "discreetly" turning to look at him.
JC was in his room, probably reading a book. Chris was glad he wasn't out there. Shame had made him unable to look JC in the eye for the last five days.
The resounding sound of the front door slamming broke the serenity of the moment. Chris sighed deeply when he saw Robin come into view.
Every time the door opened or the phone rang, he was always half-hoping it was Annie. Even if she was coming to chew him out, he would have appreciated it. He deserved to be yelled at, flogged, bitch slapped, castrated, and a whole lot of other things. But the selfish part of him that still wouldn't stop nagging at him wanted to see her dark hair and blazing brown eyes. Even if those eyes were shooting arrows in his direction, he still wanted to see her.
Call it masochism. Call it whatever you like.
Robin put her hands on her hips and cocked her head in the stereotypical 'angry mate' poise. "Why haven't you called me?"
"Why haven't you called me?" He asked back, taking the acoustic guitar off of his lap and laying it on the cushions next to him.
"I've been busy Chris! Or have you conveniently forgotten that I am the main character on the second most popular soap opera on television?" She whined in haughty exasperation.
"How can he forget if you mention it every 2 minutes?" Justin questioned snidely. He had never taken a particular liking to Robin. Not that there was much to like. But he'd never put up with her quite as well as the other three. Maybe it was the extra confidence of youth.
"I'm sorry," said Robin snippily, "Were you included in this conversation?"
"Tsk…" Justin drawled, "This is an A,B conversation…" he snapped his fingers and shook his hand saucily, "…so C your way out of it."
Joey stifled a laugh behind his hand.
"Chris?" Robin persisted, ignoring the remarks from behind her.
"No, Robin, I didn't forget," he replied.
"Forget what…?" She prodded.
Chris rolled his eyes and sank into the couch. "I didn't forget that you're one of the main characters on the second most popular soap opera on television."
She seemed satisfied. This was proven a moment later when she sat down firmly in his lap. Chris groaned at the sudden at the sudden weight on his legs. Robin took that as encouragement and promptly ground herself harder into his lap.
Acting on reflex, Chris jumped and managed to barely catch Robin when she flew off of him.
"What's the matter baby?" She asked with a smirk before sensually licking her lips.
Oh God, she's repulsive.
"Nothing, I'm not feeling well…."
"…I'll make you feel better," she offered seductively.
Chris narrowed his eyes. He knew that saccharine sweet voice of hers. She wanted something.
"Thanks, but I think I'm going to go lay down."
"I'll lay down with you," she suggested.
"No." Short, simple, to the point.
He began walking into his bedroom when her voice stopped him. "Chris!"
Slowly, he turned around. "What is it?"
"There's something I wanted to talk to you about."
Here it is.
"What is it? Can it wait until later?"
"That radio interview you're doing tomorrow…"
Chris threw his hands up and dropped on the Lazy Boy chair when she paid his request no mind.
"Yeah, what about it?"
"How many people are going to hear it? About?"
"I don't know, as many people in New York that chose to listen, I guess," he answered, not really seeing where the topic was headed, but already dreading it.
"Uh-huh," she paused a moment to tap a perfectly manicured finger to her chin in a poise staged to look so much like she was thinking, that it produced the exact opposite affect. "Here's what I was thinking. Maybe with the tour coming up and all, now would be a good time to let everyone know about our relationship."
All the air was sucked out of the room. That's the way it felt anyway. Chris was suffocating.
Lance coughed softly into the mouthpiece of the telephone. "I'll call you back, Steph. No, nothing's happening baby…I have to go."
"What?" Chris asked, hoping he'd heard incorrectly.
"The radio interview would be a great time to let everyone know," she repeated.
"And WHY should people know this information?" Justin inquired.
"Because we've been dating almost four months now, and we're very serious," she responded indignantly.
"Serious?" Joey asked from his spot on the floor.
"Yes, we have a serious, mature relationship. And think that it's time people know about it. Is that so wrong?" She said innocently.
"It is if you're trying to get publicity because you're dating him," Lance argued reasonably.
Serious? Since when are we serious?
"This is between Chris and I," Robin declared, "And I think he understands where I'm coming from."
I can't possibly admit this to people. She's disgusting. People will lose all respect for me.
"But SJ and Lance have been together for almost a year," he said, "And no one knows about them."
"That's because SJ…" Robin started, but stopped when Lance took a menacing step forward.
"Because SJ what?" He challenged.
"Because she doesn't care about you like I care about Chris," she finished.
"Thank GOD," Lance retorted.
"Don't even try to compare yourself to SJ. She has integrity and self-respect. Something you don't seem to know anything about," Justin replied, immediately protective of his friend. He nodded his head to acknowledge the appreciative look Lance cast him.
"God whatever. What is it with you people and getting so defensive?"
"It's called 'Loyalty'," Joey supplied helpfully.
"Chris, what are you thinking baby?" She asked, reverting the conversation back to her original goal.
"I don't think so…" Chris muttered.
"I'm sorry. You don't think so?" Robin demanded.
"Robin, what you're asking could be really bad for my career…"
"Your fans'll understand Chris. It's not like you're Justin."
His three friends seethed, but Chris remained neutral. "Robin…"
"Look Chris, let me put it this way, if you don't agree to this…then you can say good bye to me. I've had enough of this."
"Enough of what?" Chris asked.
"THIS! This hiding and lying! It's taking up my time!" Robin yelled.
"Shouldn't you be happy to be with him?" Justin asked.
"Could you keep your friends out of this please?" She whined.
Chris raised a hand, "Justin, please."
Justin huffed and crossed his hands over his chest.
"Thank you," she said snidely and looked back and her boyfriend, "Now Chris…"
"Robin, please don't make me choose between you and my group," the broken man begged.
"This shouldn't be a choice Chris. You shouldn't even have to think about this," she replied.
"Yeah, I agree Chris," Joey added.
Robin turned to glare at him.
Chris cleared his throat to get her attention. "Robin, I don't think…"
The phone on the table rang. Practically lunging for it, Chris reached over everyone and picked it up.
"Hello?" He asked almost breathlessly.
"Chris?" It was Ellen, his secretary.
"Yeah?" He asked, thoroughly confused. She never called him at home.
"I have something here that you'd probably be interested in, and I'm a little confused about, actually."
"What is it Ellen?" He pressured impatiently.
"I was faxed a message from Annie. It's a letter of resignation."
Chris almost dropped the phone in shock. "IT'S A WHAT?"
The other guys glanced at one another in curiosity. They knew it was about Annie. The only time Chris ever used that tone of voice was when it concerned her.
"You seem as surprised about this as I am. Do you know how this happened?" She queried.
Chris put his head in his hands. "Yeah, I know exactly how it happened."
"I just…are you okay Chris?"
"No, Ellen. No, I am not okay. I am royally screwed up." He hung the phone up and squeezed his eyes shut.
She's gone. She's really, truly gone. I have to move on. I'm never going to be happy. I don't deserve to be.
He slowly opened his eyes and his gaze landed on Robin. "Tomorrow morning when we're on the radio, I'll make the announcement."
(5:00 AM the next day)
"GET UP!"
Chris shot out of bed at the sound of Justin's booming voice. He expected his friend to snicker at his discomfort, but his face looked completely serious.
"What?"
"Are you serious? Are you going to admit that you and Robin are dating today?"
"Who cares?" Chris asked.
"I DO DAMMIT!" He yelled, successfully shocking a still drowsy Chris.
"Why? I mean she was right, who cares about me? It's not like I'm you."
"Okay, I won't even delve into the stupidity of that comment. Because, frankly, that's not what I'm talking about. I'm worried about you Chris. I'm worried about your well-being," Justin explained.
"Don't worry about me. I'm not," he murmured, an arm over his face muffling his voice.
"That's what I'm worried about," Justin said, frowning, "You know, a while ago, a very wise person told me that you had been my baby-sitter for the last five years, and now I should watch out for you."
Chris lifted the arm from over his eyes. "Oh really? And you was that?"
"Annie."
The arm returned to its place over his eyes. "Don't talk about her."
"I love you like my brother Chris, you know that. And you love Annie."
"I doesn't matter," he answered.
"Doesn't it? You're going to admit to a relationship with a person you can't stand and who most likely can't stand you. Why?" Justin demanded.
"Because I don't deserve to be happy."
"WHAT?" Justin blurted out.
"I hurt the sweetest, most beautiful woman in this world. She's never done a thing to me and I purposefully hurt her."
"You didn't know."
"That doesn't matter. I shouldn't have said what I said anyway. No matter what, I shouldn't have said that."
"You made a mistake. You were an idiot. But to say that because of that, you never deserve to be happy is ridiculous." Justin declared.
"But you don't understand…"
"FUCK THAT!" The words were said with such venom that Chris immediately shut his mouth. "I understand exactly. I understand that you're being selfish."
"Selfish??"
"Yes, selfish. You want to let yourself wallow in your self-pity. You want to feel horrible so that you can make yourself believe that you've paid for your sins. Well SCREW THAT. You need to apologize. You need to beg. And you're trying everything to get out of it. Because you're not man enough to face her. SUCK IT UP!"
"Justin, it's not that. I just…I don't deserve her. I don't deserve her forgiveness," Chris tried to explain.
"See? There you go again! 'I don't deserve her, I don't deserve to be forgiven'. It's all about you! What about her? What if she deserves you?"
Complete confusion crossed his face. "Wha…"
"What if she needs the comfort and compassion that only you can provide? What if she needs to be loved only the way that you can love her? What has she done not to deserve all the things you can give her?" Justin ended his rant, and his cheeks were slightly pink from the touching words he'd just spoken.
"Justin, are you complimenting me?"
"DAMN RIGHT I'M COMPLIMENTING YOU! You're my best friend. Just don't be an asshole."
They walked into the radio station on time, as management always ordered. Sitting down on the stools and putting on their headphones, they almost immediately started the interview.
They smiled and gave their mechanical, humorous, repetitive answers to all the cookie cutter questions the generic DJ with the generic name asked them.
"What do you look for in a girl?"
"I like the sweet and innocent type of girl," Lance answered automatically. There were thinly veiled snickers from his friends.
The others answered accordingly. Chris remained silent. He knew what was coming next.
"Alright now boys, the question everyone wants to know…." There was the sound of a drum roll over the speakers. They all laughed politely. "Do any of you have girlfriends?"
"I sure don't," Lance responded quickly and the others rolled their eyes.
"I'm still single and ready to mingle baby!" Joey yelped into the microphone and it was Lance's turn to roll his eyes.
"Same here!" Justin chimed in.
"I'm dating…but nothing serious. Yet," JC added cryptically. The guys all raised their eyebrows.
The DJ turned to the lone, silent man. "What about you Chris?"
"I…ummm…"
"Look Chris, let me put it this way, if you don't agree to this…then you can say good bye to me. I've had enough of this."
"I…"
Just don't be an asshole."
I…
"As corny as this sounds, Mary, these past few weeks, you've held the weight of my whole world on your shoulders."
"I hate to tell you this, but that's the way I feel about you every single day."
"Uhhh…"
The guys looked at each other and then back and Chris nervously. He saw a man from behind the glass motion to him and mouth the words 'dead air.'
The DJ laughed to break the obvious tension in the room. "Well Chris? Whatcha got to say?"
"…then you can say good bye to me. I've had enough of this."
Chris cleared his throat and leaned forward toward the microphone. "No. I am not seeing anyone right now."
The guys all stepped out of their cars and headed toward the townhouse. As they neared, they saw a very angry Robin standing in front of the door.
"What the hell was that Chris? I thought you said you were going to let everyone know?" She exclaimed as soon as they got within speaking distance.
"And I thought if you said if I didn't you would leave me alone," he countered.
"Where is this attitude coming from? Is this about that girl? What's her name? Annie or something?"
"You leave her out of this!" Chris shouted.
"I'll take that as a yes," she mocked, rolling her eyes.
"Robin, you're a self-centered, self-important, money grubbing, leaching little bitch. I'm sorry. But you are. Please leave me alone," Chris said, finally standing up for himself.
Robin stood stunned in her place for one agonizingly long moment before leering at Chris and turning on her heel.
On her way past them, she threw a flirty wink in Joey's direction. Chris' eyes bugged out in shock. "God! Can you at least pretend you cared about me?"
"What do you care? You gave me up, remember?" She turned to face Joey once again, "What'd you say Joe? You were never one to pass up the chance at a beautiful woman."
Joey gagged noticeably and took a step back. "I may be horny, Robin, but I'm not desperate. Why don't you go bother a Backstreet Boy or something?"
No attempt was made to hide their laughter that time, as Lance, JC and Justin all collapsed in hysterics. Robin's face turned an undesirable shade or red as she made her way away from the townhouse and their merciless chuckles. Chris ignored the others and quickly unlocked the door and stepped inside. The others followed, and Justin was the first to ask the question they all wanted answered.
"So what are you going to do about Annie?"
"Well, call me a selfish bastard…"
"Selfish bastard…" JC supplied without a hint of humor.
"But Justin told me that I was only thinking about myself when I said that I didn't deserve her. And he was right. He told me to apologize to her because she deserved it. And maybe I'm being selfish, but I'm going to apologize to her, not because she needs the love that I can give her…or whatever other garbage Justin spouted…but because I need to give that to her. I need to."
"Good man," Joey said approvingly, giving him a pat on the back, "Now you're getting it."
"Yeah, well, I'm going to go to sleep now, and do it in the morning. I have major graveling to do, and I have to be mentally prepared…for…possible…you know." He couldn't form the words.
The way the others looked at one another worried him. "Uhhh…what?"
Lance spoke, "Annie's not going to be here tomorrow."
A sucker punch to the gut. "What do you mean she's not going to be here? Where else would she be?"
"God, he doesn't know…" Justin whispered.
"I DON'T KNOW WHAT?"
"Chris," Lance spoke gently, "Annie's mother is getting married. She and SJ are flying out to Pennsylvania for the ceremony tonight."
Socked right in the jaw. He felt his vision become clouded by tears. Her mother was getting married and he hadn't even known about it. He hadn't even known, and he wasn't going to be there to hold her hand when her mother gave herself to another man.
"I…she's leaving? She can't leave!"
"Tell her that," Justin whispered and before either could say another word, Chris was running through the house to get to the telephone.
Annie was frantic. She didn't have all of her clothes packed and she was leaving in half an hour. She was so happy to be getting out of New York. She had given in her letter of resignation and that was one of the hardest things she'd ever had to do.
She wanted to be in Pennsylvania with her mother.
The phone rang beside her, but she ignored, deciding instead to let the machine get it.
After a minute, her rehearsed voice echoed against the walls telling the caller to leave their name and number and she'd surely get back to them!
All the objects she was holding went cluttering to the ground when she heard his voice on the other end. She froze in her spot.
"Please answer the phone. Mary, please. I messed up. This whole thing is my fault. I know that, just please pick up the phone!"
Annie walked closer to the sound of his voice, dropped to her knees in front of the table and stared at the machine as tears of anguish began welling in her eyes.
"Mary, I'm falling apart without you here. Its like this whole part of me has been ripped out and I'm never going to get it back. I need you Mary. You've been my lifeline for so long. My life's not complete without you anymore."
Annie heard his voice crack and a loud, strangled sob came through the speaker. She laid her head down until her ear was placed on top of the machine and turned the volume all the way up.
"I'm so sorry, Mary. I've replayed that night over and over in my head a million times. I torture myself with it everyday. I regret all the things I said. They were a lie. Every single work I've said to you for the last three months has been a lie. Believe me, Mary, please believe me."
"I wish I could," she whispered, before crumbling to the ground. She wanted so badly to pick up the phone and tell Chris it was all right, she forgave him. But she couldn't forget the way his face twisted up so maliciously. She couldn't forget his words. She couldn't. That scene appeared every time she closed her eyes.
He didn't try to mask the sound of his sobs as he broke down on the line. "Call me, Mary. Call me anytime. I don't care if I'm doing an interview or in the middle of a concert. I don't care if it's four in the morning," he laughed bitterly, "I haven't been getting much sleep anyway. Just please. I'm begging you. I know…I know you hate it when I beg. I'm sorry."
There was a pause. "I broke up with Robin. You're right. She is a slut. I don't know what I was thinking when I went out with her. Please…please answer the phone. I know you're there Mary. I can…I can feel it. Tell your mom congratulations for me."
He sighed a deep and shaky sigh. "I need you. Please believe that I need you. I've always needed you and it's always been that way. I won't stop either. I can't because you're a part of me…you're the good part."
Annie's hand slowly reached up toward the receiver.
"Oh God, oh God…it's so hard to get up in the morning Mary. So…so hard when I know that I'm not going to see you," another sob echoed in her throbbing ears, "Eighteen years of friendship…eighteen years of knowing each other and I'm finally figuring this out. Typical male ignorance, huh?"
She gripped the receiver tightly and took a breath, gathering her strength.
"You're leaving…but please…please talk to me. Just let me hear your voice."
She turned on the phone.
"Mary, is that…"
"Don't call me anymore. I don't want to talk to you."
She slammed down the phone and angrily pulled the cord from the wall, disconnecting it, before standing up and walking out of her apartment to catch her plane.