With Friends Like These...
Spencer didn’t know how or why or even when it happened. The whole thing fucking
sucked, especially because he could clearly remember a time when he didn’t
want to have sex with Brendon Urie. In fact, there was a whole two years when
Spencer thought of Brendon as nothing more than a slightly annoying friend and
band mate. He remembered those glory days now with fond nostalgia, like the way
his mother talked about being able to buy gas for sixty cents a gallon when she
was a teenager.
The change was slow enough that Spencer didn’t know what was happening until it
was much too late. And once he knew, he couldn’t unknow it.
Suddenly watching the reflection of Brendon hamming it up during practice,
running a hand underneath his sweaty t-shirt and mugging for the mirrors, made
Spencer’s mouth go dry. Suddenly Brendon’s stealth cuddling attacks went from
being kind of adorable to a superhuman test of Spencer’s endurance. Or, to be
more accurate, they went from being kind of adorable to being really,
miserably adorable, and that right there was Spencer’s whole problem.
For two months after that big realization, Spencer was cranky and confused and
turned on, like, constantly, because Brendon Urie wasn’t exactly known
for his respect of people’s personal space. Never before had Spencer been more
thankful for the concealing barrier of his drum kit.
***
The best solution he could come up with was a temporary one.
***
“Why are you avoiding Brendon?” Ryan asked, less than a week into Spencer
implementing his plan.
“I’m not,” Spencer answered without looking up from his Sidekick.
“Are you joking?” Ryan said in his droll monotone. “It’s totally obvious, and
even if it wasn’t, Jon and I had to listen to Brendon whine about it for, like,
half an hour just now.”
“Brendon’s a drama queen.”
“Says the biggest bitch in the kennel,” Ryan responded.
Spencer snorted. “Like you’re one to fucking talk, Ross.”
Ryan waved away Spencer’s comment with an impatient hand. “You’re the one that’s
always telling me to let it go when Brendon does something stupid. Take your own
advice.”
“Huh?” Spencer asked, finally giving Ryan his full attention.
“Get over whatever dumb Brendon shit pissed you off. He says he doesn’t know
what he did, but he also said that when he asked Jon’s fat cousin when the baby
was due, so. Me and Jon don’t want to listen to his teenage girl angsting
anymore, okay?”
“Is that what he - ” Spencer started, guilt tipping the words out before he
could stop them. “No, you’re right. I should let it go.”
Ryan rolled his eyes. “Thank god. What did he do, anyway?”
“Oh, you know,” Spencer said casually, “just dumb Brendon shit.”
***
Brendon was lying in his bunk and thumbing listlessly through an old issue of
Spin when Spencer found him later.
“Hey,” Spencer said.
Brendon startled and the magazine fell on the floor. “Oh, um…hey?”
Spencer felt another stab of guilt at the uncertainty in his voice.
“So, uhh - ” he said, toeing the carpet with one white, Gucci loafer. “Wanna
play Guitar Hero?”
“Yeah!” Brendon said, getting up so fast that he knocked his head on Jon’s bunk
above him. “Ow, shit!” He rubbed his forehead while simultaneously beaming at
Spencer. “Yeah, let’s play.”
***
Four hours later, Spencer realized, as Brendon slept against his shoulder and he
tried to sit as still as possible to avoid waking him, that he was going to need
a plan b.
***
They were in a city on the east coast that wasn’t New York or Boston, sitting
around in their dressing room an hour before the show, and Brendon was telling
one of his typically outrageous stories.
“My uncle walks in and he’s like, ‘What the fuck? There’s a fucking monkey in
the fireplace! Call the cops! Call animal control! Get my hunting rifle!’”
Spencer hugged his stomach as the strength of his laughter threatened to knock
the wind out of him. He sucked in desperate breaths and felt Jon shaking beside
him. Across the room, Ryan chuckled and shook his head in disbelief.
“All my mom says is, ‘Jerry, don’t swear in front of the kids!’ And my uncle’s
goes, ‘Are you kidding me? There’s a fucking monkey! In the fucking fireplace!
And you’re worried about me swearing?’ And my mom’s like, ‘It’s all about
setting a good example.’”
“So what did you do about the monkey?” Jon asked.
Brendon shrugged, as if that part of the story was inconsequential. “They locked
it in the room and called animal control. The guys who came out said it was the
weirdest case they’d ever handled.”
“That’s insane,” Ryan said.
“That’s my family,” Brendon corrected with a grin, then abruptly swung to face
Spencer. “Hey, Smith, what do you call a guy that hangs out with three
musicians?”
Spencer narrowed his eyes, sensing a trap. “What?” he asked slowly.
“The drummer,” Brendon answered, cackling. Spencer threw a water bottle at his
head that Brendon easily avoided, still giggling. “I’m going to get ready.
Spencer, Spencer, you can’t hurt me now. Our fans would be heartbroken, and
they’d probably eat you to protect my honor.”
“Eat me?” Spencer asked, eyebrow raised.
“That’s what she said,” Jon quickly volleyed.
“You beat me to it,” Brendon whined as he walked towards the rack of costumes
and pulled his shirt up and over his head. Spencer, who was helpless against
that kind of temptation, watched the smooth play of muscles along his slender
back a moment before forcefully wrenching his eyes away. When he did, his gaze
landed on Ryan, who was staring back at him.
Ryan, his best friend of fifteen years, the one person who knew him better than
anyone else.
Ryan, who took one look at his face and burst into laughter.
Not his usual sardonic snickers either, but the type of real, hardy laughing
that he only seemed capable of in response to Spencer’s total and abject
humiliation.
“Ryan,” Spencer warned, feeling his face flush as he tried to convey the message
I will kill you with my hands. Jon looked a little taken aback, but Ryan
wasn’t fazed.
“What the hell?” Jon asked.
“Nothing,” Spencer said, pitching his voice over Ryan’s fucking hysterical
laughter.
Brendon looked back and forth between Spencer and Ryan a moment before asking,
“Is it me?” He ran a self-conscious hand from throat to belly button, causing
Spencer to put his head in his hands and Ryan to laugh harder.
“Ryan, shut the fuck up,” Spencer said from between his fingers.
“Seriously, do I have something…?” Brendon asked.
“Spence…Spencer is – “ Ryan managed between breaths.
Spencer gave up on subtlety. “I will kill you with my hands,” he said.
“Guys, what are we missing?” Jon asked.
“Nothing,” Spencer repeated more forcefully.
“Inside joke,” Ryan added, finally pulling himself together. “You wouldn’t
understand.”
***
During the concert that night, Brendon and Ryan both fell to their knees, Ryan’s
hand gently cupping Brendon’s face as the shrill shriek of hormonal teenage
girls echoed around them.
When they stood back up, Ryan turned his back to the crowd to face Spencer and
gave him a wink. Spencer banged the shit out of his drums.
Biggest bitch in the kennel his fucking ass.
***
“Spence,” Ryan whispered, nudging him in his shoulder. He wore sweatpants and a
Famous t-shirt that might have started out as Spencer’s, but got swapped back
and forth between them so many times that he couldn’t be sure.
“Fuck off,” he grumbled, but he still made room.
Ryan crawled in and turned on his side so that their noses brushed. “Are you
pissed at me for flirting with your boyfriend?”
“Shut up!” Spencer hissed, listening for the telltale signs of Brendon moving
across the aisle.
“They’re both asleep, I checked,” Ryan assured him. “I should have figured it
out sooner. It’s so obvious now. Why you were ignoring him. How you’re always so
giggly around him.”
“What?” Spencer whispered, genuinely horrified. There are many adjectives that
could be used to describe Spencer, but giggly was not one of them.
“Not like a girl,” Ryan added. “Just like you think his jokes are funnier than
everyone else’s. Whatever, it’s one of your things, okay? I totally should have
noticed.”
“I don’t want to talk about this.”
“I think you should go for it.”
Spencer felt his face heat up at the thought of how that scene would play
out. For someone so private, Ryan was the worst kind of busybody, especially
when it came to Spencer’s life. “No, no. Just…no. Leave it alone, Ryan.”
“What’s the matter? It’s only Brendon. It’s not like he’ll make it into a big
deal or be a dick about it.”
Spencer squirmed against Ryan’s arm around his waist. “It’ll…fuck off, Ryan,
god. It’ll be a big deal to me, okay?”
Ryan ducked his head and pressed his grin into Spencer’s shoulder. “Holy shit,
you’re so into him.”
Spencer closed his eyes. “Shut up, shut up, shut up. You can’t say anything to
Brendon about this. Fucking promise me, Ross,” Spencer said.
“I promise,” Ryan said, but Spencer didn’t trust the look on his face.
“Ryan.”
Ryan sighed loud enough that Spencer became paranoid that someone would wake up.
“What do you want me to do, spit in my palm, sign something in blood? I’m
telling you I won’t.”
“Fine,” Spencer said, more to end the conversation than because he actually
believed him. He flipped over to face the wall.
***
“Hey,” Jon said the next afternoon while he, Ryan and Spencer ate day-old pizza
for lunch, “I hear you’re in love with Brendon now.”
Spencer choked on the water he was drinking and turned an accusing look on Ryan
even as he wiped his mouth with the sleeve of his shirt.
“What?” Ryan asked. “I promised I wouldn’t tell Brendon, and I didn’t.”
“You’re an asshole.”
“No, I’m the best friend who’s trying to get you laid. Showing some appreciation
wouldn’t hurt.”
“It would,” Spencer replied. “It would hurt you a lot.”
Ryan snorted. “Whatever, Smith. Like you fucking scare me. Jon agrees that you
should try with Brendon.”
“He’d probably go for it,” Jon chimed in.
“Well, I can’t think of a more compelling argument than that,” Spencer
said sarcastically. “’He’d probably go for it.’ Awesome. You missed your calling
as a motivational speaker, Jon.”
“I’m young, there’s still time.”
“How’s this for an argument?” Ryan asked, leaning back in his chair and lacing
his fingers together around one raised knee. “If you do, you’ll probably get to
have sex with Brendon, and if you don’t…you won’t.”
“I change mine to Ryan’s,” Jon said.
“When did you two become old ladies?” Spencer asked, in lieu of admitting that
was a pretty convincing argument.
“We care about you,” Ryan said, sounding as sincere as he ever did.
“Also, I was pretty bored this morning, so…” Jon drummed his fingers idly
against the tabletop.
“Stop talking, Jon,” Ryan said.
Jon shrugged. “Sure.”
Spencer stood up. “Okay, wow. So we’re never talking about this again. And
aren’t you guys supposed to be warning me about messing up the band?”
There was a long silence where Ryan and Jon just stared at him. Finally Jon
said, “Dude, you’re Spencer. Anything we could say about that you’ve probably
already told yourself, like, a million times.”
Well, that was true enough.
***
A few days later, after a show, Brendon was using a towel to mop up the sweat
gathered on the back of his neck. “Dude, what’s up with all the touching lately,
Ryan? You usually like to play hard to get on stage.”
Fucking sweat-free, fresh as a daisy Ryan Ross smiled from his position on the
couch. “I’m trying to make Spencer jealous.”
“Aww, Spencer,” Brendon cooed, turning to face him, “don’t be jealous. Everyone
knows you’re Ryan’s favorite.”
Spencer rolled his eyes. “First shower,” he said.
***
Spencer walked onto the bus and saw Brendon sitting on the couch.
“Hey,” Brendon said. His hair was damp from a shower and he wasn’t wearing any
shoes. Unconsciously, Spencer licked his lips.
“Hey,” Spencer said, feeling skittish. “Where are Ryan and Jon?”
“Not sure,” Brendon answered. “Guitar Hero?”
Spencer sat down on the edge of the couch furthest from Brendon. “Sure.”
Brendon handed him the controller and shifted so that his feet were tucked under
his legs. “You go first.”
He was in the middle of setting it up when Brendon spoke again. “So remember
last year when you were dating that girl? Rose. Rosie.”
“Yeah…” he said slowly, sending Brendon a sideways glance.
“Obviously you do. I hated that girl. She was a bitch.”
Spencer thought about Rosie and the way she brought homemade chocolate chip
cookies with her the first day she came on tour, because Spencer mentioned
missing them.
“No she wasn’t.”
Brendon laughed, sounding choked, and Spencer put down the controller to look at
him. “Yeah, no, it wasn’t a very rational hatred.”
“Okay.”
“What I’m trying to say is that if, hypothetically, you had a thing for me – “
“Fucking Ryan,” Spencer said, jumping off the couch.
“Jon, actually,” Brendon said, visibly brightening. “Does that mean you do?
Because, I mean, if you did, it wouldn’t be, you know, one-sided.”
Spencer’s heart slammed against his chest, and he forced himself to sit back
down as calmly as possible. “Hypothetically?”
“Right, hypothetically it would be two-sided. Like, both sides would be…there.
Possibly, one side would be even more there than the other side, because one
side has had a huge crush on the other side for like two years, so…”
“Yeah?” Spencer asked, feeling a smile begin stretching the corners of his
mouth.
“Yeah, and it’s also possible that one side told this to the other side’s best
friend when the other side’s stupid girlfriend came on tour with them, and then
he made the friend promise not to tell the other side – “
Grinning, Spencer curled one hand into Brendon’s shirt and the other around the
back of his neck and tugged until their lips met. Brendon’s mouth was soft and
clean and held still for only a second before catching on and kissing Spencer
back enthusiastically.
They broke apart minutes later, and Spencer laid his forehead on Brendon’s
shoulder as he tried to catch his breath.
“Did you understand what I was saying?” Brendon asked.
Spencer turned to grin into Brendon’s neck. “Yeah, I got it.”
“Because I kind of lost myself in the middle somewhere.” He ran a hand through
Spencer’s hair, and Spencer sighed.
“It made sense.”
“Awesome,” Brendon said.
A second later, Spencer found himself on his back with Brendon smiling down at
him. One of Brendon’s hands was propping himself up near Spencer’s ear, and the
other was slipping under the material of Spencer’s shirt.
“Oh, um…Um.” Spencer closed his eyes, words deserting him as he went from being
happy to being happy and turned on in the span of one breath.
“Oh, Spencer Smith, the things I’m going to do to you,” Brendon said. His thumb
skimmed over Spencer’s belly button, sending a shiver of lust straight to
Spencer’s dick. “Seriously, I’ve had two years to think about this, and I’ve
come up with, like, a list.” He smiled and then seemed to consider his words.
“If that’s cool with you.”
Spencer nodded as heat crept up his face. “Cool, definitely cool.” Spencer had a
bit of a list himself, and he wondered for one crazy, blissed out moment if they
should make a Venn diagram to compare fantasies.
“Spence, guess what,” Brendon said, grinning down at him with one of those
giant, manic grins that made Spencer’s insides clench. “You’re my
favorite too.”
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