When Blind Men Do See

Rodney stepped out of the jumper onto PJ1-732 in a clearing surrounded by trees. He immediately covered his eyes with one hand.

“It’s so bright! Why is it so bright?” he complained.

“It’s called ‘the sun,’ Rodney,” Sheppard answered as he climbed down the ramp to stand beside him. “Giant yellow sphere…thing in the sky.”

“Thank you, Colonel. Eloquent as usual,” Rodney said. “And excuse me for expressing my discomfort. We don’t all have an endless supply of aviator sunglasses at our disposal.”

Sheppard smirked at him from behind those stupidly attractive lenses. “You just have to ask, McKay. I’m always willing to share.”

“Not my style,” Rodney said. As he took a breath, he became aware of what he’d missed in his earlier pre-occupation. “This world smells like used diapers.”

“It is pretty rank,” Sheppard said.

“Reminds me of hiding in a hovel with a herd of ackbuton,” Ronon said, taking his place at Sheppard’s other side.

Rodney smacked his lips and grimaced. “I can taste it now.”

“A man approaches,” Teyla interrupted from behind them. “Colonel, Ronon, Dr. McKay, I strongly suggest you keep your opinions on this matter to yourselves for the time being.”

“Good thinking,” Sheppard muttered and raised his hand in greeting.

“Warmest welcome!” the man cried with what Rodney swore was a thick Eastern European accent.

“Hello,” Sheppard said, striding ahead of the group.

“Honored guests!” the man said. “You are the first people to come to us through the ring in many years – other than the Wraith, of course.”

“Can’t imagine why,” Rodney said under his breath and pretended not to notice Teyla’s glare.

“Well, we’re glad to be here,” Sheppard said with one of his ‘Aw shucks, you don’t say?’ grins. “I’m Colonel John Sheppard, and this is Teyla Emmagen, Dr. Rodney McKay and Ronon Dex.” He pointed to each person in turn.

“I am called Torris. Welcome to Yalon, friends! Now come, I will take you to my leader.”

Rodney shared a grin with Sheppard as the man scampered back out of the clearing and onto the worn path he had appeared from.

“There is something humorous?” Teyla asked as they followed Torris along the tree-lined path.

Sheppard tried to explain in the face of Teyla and Ronon’s blank expressions. “The phrase ‘take me to your leader.’ It’s an Earth cliché. Something aliens say in movies and on television shows.”

“Like Jeopardy,” Ronon said.

“Yeah…uh, sort of,” Sheppard said. “Teyla, take our six. This guy seems nice enough, but I don’t want to get caught with our guard down.” Teyla obediently stepped behind the rest of them and aimed her P90 into the trees on first one side of the path and then the other.

Rodney saw one of Sheppard’s hands reach down and brush against the gun in his thigh holster, fingering the handle lightly. He looked away.

*

They arrived at what looked like a log cabin after ten minutes of walking.

“This is the magistrate’s home,” Torris said. “He will be most pleased to know we have visitors from through the ring.”

Torris knocked on the door and after a few moments, an older man wearing an expansive set of cherry-colored robes answered. He gave them a curious glance and looked at their guide.

“Torris?” he asked.

“These are explorers have come from beyond the ring,” Torris said.

The magistrate smiled as he stepped outside. “Friends, warmest welcome!” he said.

Rodney gave a distracted wave and ignored the introductions in favor of the small, pulsating energy spike he noticed on his scanner.

“Colonel, look at this,” he called, interrupting something the magistrate was saying about interplanetary cooperation.

“Rodney, is now the time?” Sheppard said, and Teyla frowned at him. Ronon just raised an inquisitive eyebrow in Rodney’s direction.

“Yes, sorry, didn’t mean to…whatever. But yes. I’m reading an energy signature coming from somewhere around here. Not as strong as a ZPM, but still there.”

The magistrate looked between Rodney and Sheppard and said, “Well, perhaps it’s from one of the relics left behind by the Ancestors.”

That got Rodney’s attention. “You have Ancient technology here?”

“Of course,” the magistrate said. “We have many relics from that time. I can show you, if you’d like.”

“Yes, let’s go now. Uh…please.”

“I’d be happy to take you to the town square,” the magistrate said. “It’s this way.”

*

“This is unbelievable,” Rodney said as he plugged the cord of his data pad into the appropriate outlet on the device in front of him. “I mean I am completely without belief.”

“I got it, Rodney. Could you maybe keep your voice down?” Sheppard suggested and gave a reassuring smile and wave to the people gathered around them.

“This was obviously an Atlantean alpha site at one point. The people here have to descend from the Ancients themselves, and still there are dozens of dormant Ancient devices lying around like scrap metal. All of this technology literally at their fingertips and they don’t try to use it. They don’t even try. Did I tell you that I saw two kids using a geothermal coupler as a jungle gym? Feet flying everywhere. I almost had a heart attack.” Rodney stuck his arm deep inside the protective covering over the machine.

“Yes, you have,” Sheppard said. “Many times.”

Rodney could not wrap his mind around it. By all rights these people should have reached the technological level of PK-whatever, the one with the evil feudal lords who used the Ancient equipment to keep the villagers subservient. And frankly, what Rodney wouldn’t give for an evil feudal lord or two right about now - anything that proved they hadn’t gated to the slowest planet in the galaxy.

“Stop obsessing, and play with your new toy,” Sheppard said.

“Yes, fine. Do you think it’s possible that we’ve stumbled upon a people with some sort of mass, genetic learning disorder?” Rodney was honestly curious. It seemed improbable, but little Tommy and Johnny McAlien using the biometric retractor beams on the geothermal coupler as monkey bars was pretty improbable too, so he didn’t want to rule anything out based on percentages alone.

“What did I tell you about saying ‘disorder’ in front of the natives, Rodney? It makes them cranky and almost always ends with someone holding a spear to my throat.”

Rodney ignored him, focusing instead on programming the correct command codes into the mainframe.

“That should…do it,” he said and stepped back as the large machine flared to life with a low buzz and a flood of light.

That’s when the Yalonians fell to their knees.

“Uhh…Colonel?” Rodney asked, eyeing the genuflecting citizens warily.

“Teyla?” Sheppard responded, looking askance at her.

“Kandar,” the magistrate whispered worshipfully. Rodney didn’t have to be Daniel Jackson to understand what that meant.

“I cannot be sure,” Teyla said, “but I believe that these people have mistaken Dr. McKay for a deity of some sort due to his ability to repair the Ancient device.”

“Only Kandar, Highest of all the Ancestors, could control these gifts he has given us,” the leader said. “You are him come back to reward your humble servants.”

“Look, everyone stand up,” Sheppard said. “Come on, that’s right, get up. This man isn’t Kandar.”

“Colonel, I don’t think we should belittle their religious beliefs. It could negatively affect trade negotiations,” Rodney said as the people began rising from their knees.

“Especially if they want to worship you as their deity of choice, right, McKay?”

“At least we’d know they had good taste,” Rodney said.

Sheppard addressed the small crowd that had gathered around the main square. “Folks, sorry to disappoint you, but he isn’t Kandar, ok? He’s human.”

“Human?” asked Torris, on his knees before them.

“Human, you know, like all of you. Flesh and blood. Here, watch.” Without warning Sheppard reached out and pinched Rodney hard on the inside of his arm.

“Ow!” Rodney cried, swatting at Sheppard’s hand and clutching his injury. “What did you do that for? That’s definitely going to leave a mark! Ow!”

“If you truly are not Kandar, then you must have been blessed with these powers by the Ancestors themselves!” the magistrate cried.

“Did you hear that?” Rodney asked, turning to Sheppard with a waggle of his eyebrows. “I have powers.”

Ronon snorted. “Something you forget to tell us, McKay?”

“I didn’t want you to feel inadequate,” Rodney said.

“Thoughtful,” Sheppard responded.

“Well, you know me."

Sheppard turned toward the magistrate. “Dr. McKay is trained to work with Ancient technology. If you let him, he could probably get more of these things working for you.”

The crowd gasped, and the magistrate clapped his hands together in excitement. “Oh, that would be a gift, indeed!”

Sheppard grinned companionably. “And in exchange for this gift, we can talk about what you can offer us.”

*

Rodney set about tinkering with an Ancient generator in what was apparently the mess hall as Sheppard lounged in a chair beside him.

“How long until you get that thing running?” he asked.

“I’m not sure that I can,” Rodney said. “All this equipment has been sitting dormant outside for who knows how long. The Ancients were good, but even they couldn’t defend against 10,000 years of rain and snow. The power in everything is virtually gone. These are not what’s accounting for the energy spike I noticed.”

“So you’ll work your super powers on one or two of these things, impress the natives, and then maybe they’ll let us have a look around. Hey, if fixing this stuff is your secret super power, then what would your super hero name be?”

“Um, what?” Rodney asked distractedly. “I don’t know.”

“Engineering Man,” Sheppard suggested. “Fixer Guy.”

“Mr. Fantastic,” Rodney said, and Sheppard snorted.

“I think that one’s taken.”

“Dr. Fantastic, then,” Rodney said. “Dr. Fantastic and his sidekick, Fly Man.”

“Fly Man?” Sheppard said, grinning playfully as he leaned against the table. “That makes me sound like a bug. And why am I the sidekick?”

“Flying Man?” Rodney amended. “And please, of course you’re the sidekick. Hair Product Boy?”

“You’re hilarious, McKay,” Sheppard said.

A voice sounded then from the doorway. “Excuse me, but I’d like to help if I could.”

Rodney sighed and turned around. “I highly doubt you’ll be able…” He trailed off. The man who spoke was tall and gorgeous with dark brown skin and hair pulled back in thin, elaborate braids along his scalp. Rodney swallowed and started again. “What I mean to say is that of course I’d appreciate any help you’d be willing to give.”

He beckoned to the man and pretending not to notice Sheppard’s eyebrow rise. He didn’t exactly expect the Colonel to attack him, but any military-learned freak out would have to wait until they were back in Atlantis.

The man stepped forward and extended his hand. “I am called Neven.”

“I’m Rodney. It’s nice to meet you,” he said, shaking the man’s hand longer than strictly necessary.

Beside him, Sheppard cleared his throat. “Lieutenant Colonel Sheppard. And now that we’re all friends, you said something about helping?”

“Yes,” Neven said, dropping his hand. “My people, they have some opinions on the Ancient relics that I don’t agree with. Chief among them is the notion that their use is meant only for the Ancestors. I believe that the relics were left as gifts from the Ancestors, if only we could work them.”

“They were most likely abandoned after the Ancients went to Earth, but close enough,” Rodney said.

Neven smiled at him curiously and held up a small, weathered notebook. “I must confess that I have not heeded the warnings of the magistrate and did some study on my own, under the cover of darkness.”

Rodney re-assessed his opinion of the man. “Interesting, can I see?”

Neven handed over the book. “It’s nothing compared to your knowledge, of course, but I have only my own suppositions to base my findings on.”

Rodney nodded he flipped through the book. “Still, you have a decent grasp of the mechanics.” He looked up. “So basically you’re surrounded by idiots here. I can relate.”

“Just those whose opinions differ from mine,” Neven said.

“Idiots,” Rodney repeated.

Neven shrugged one of his broad shoulders modestly and indicated Rodney’s data pad. “Has the relic gathered enough power?”

Rodney looked at the calculations. “Oh, yes, thank you. I don’t think this will work for very long, but it should only be a matter of…Neven, can you hit the switch at the other end…yes, perfect.”

The generator beeped cheerfully to life and Rodney and Neven shared a grin.

“I think that between the two of us, we can get many of these relics working,” Neven said.

“Me too,” Rodney agreed. “Colonel, can you go into town and let the magistrate know that we’ve got the system generator in working order for the moment?”

Sheppard glanced at Neven and then back at Rodney. “I’ll just tell Teyla. She’ll track the magistrate down.” He pressed the comm link on is chest. “Teyla, this is Sheppard. Can you let the magistrate know that Rodney and one of the locals got the system generator online?”

“Right away,” Teyla said.

“Sheppard out.” He disconnected the link and smiled at Rodney. “There, taken care of. Now we can all get to know each other.”

*

It took almost three hours of Rodney tinkering with various devices before the magistrate thought to ask him for help repairing their damaged disposal system. The system was Ancient technology and more complicated than an abacus, so of course no one would fix it once it broke. Every time Rodney thought about it a sharp pain spiked behind his eye, each one more intense than the last.

“Can you imagine being Neven and living with these people every day? I’d kill myself,” Rodney said to Sheppard as he unscrewed a bolt from deep inside the malfunctioning section of the Yalonians’ waste disposal system.

Sheppard crossed his arms in front of his chest impatiently. “Just finish up, McKay.”

“I’m about done here,” Rodney admitted. Then in his most casual voice, “I think I should stay behind to keep researching. Maybe stay the night? Neven’s offered to let me stay with him. I can check in tomorrow at 0700.”

“Rodney, I won’t leave you alone on an alien planet,” Sheppard said.

“It’s not like they’re going to hurt me. They think I have magic powers, for god’s sake.”

“Not gonna happen.”

Rodney sighed and tried not to seem disappointed. He knew getting Sheppard to agree to that was a long shot at best. Closing the control panel caused the disposal system to come roaring back to life with a loud whoosh of water flowing under the ground.

“Well then, let’s go get our supply of fake strawberries and purple tomatoes and decide how soon I can come back to look at more of these devices.”

Sheppard draped a heavy arm over Rodney’s shoulder. “Come on, McKay. When we can get home we can watch some Doctor Who.”

Rodney almost dropped the screwdriver he was holding in his excitement. “You mean the new season? I didn’t know you had that! You’ve been holding out on me, Sheppard. I thought we had an arrangement.”

“I was saving it for a rainy day,” Sheppard said.

Rodney made a show of looking up at the clear sky. “Then why now?”

“I’m tired, and I want this mission to be over so we can relax.”

“Are you kidding? This has been one of the easiest missions we’ve had in ages. Granted, that probably means the spears are going to come out at any second, but still, on the top one hundred list of sucky missions, this doesn’t even rate. Aside from the smell.” He wrinkled his nose in distaste.

The magistrate stepped to the front of the small crowd of people that had watched Rodney work for the better part of an hour.

"Dr. McKay, the Yalonian people are in your debt for this kindness you have bestowed upon us. Truly your arrival here has been a gift from the Ancestors."

"It was nothing," Rodney said magnanimously.

“Allow me to repay you as best I can,” the magistrate said. “Several of my subjects have offered their bodies to you for bedding."

He gestured at the fifteen or so men and women standing behind him, Neven among them.

“Uhh…” Rodney responded dumbly once he realized what the magistrate was saying.

Neven stepped forward, a smile curving his mouth. “Dr. McKay?” he asked.

“Uhh…” Rodney repeated.

Sheppard stepped forward, feet planted, and said, “I don’t think so.”

Rodney gathered himself and glared at Sheppard. Did he think Rodney was going to accept? Granted, Rodney was of the firm belief that a little thank you sex was the least he deserved for his numerous heroic efforts performed daily around this backwater galaxy, but not as compensation, like Rodney getting laid was some sort of business deal. Not to mention that, unlike Sheppard, he didn’t exactly keep condoms in his tac vest for emergency maiden-in-distress situations.

“Sorry, that’s not going to work,” Rodney said, and felt a guilty thrill at Neven’s crestfallen expression.

”Rodney only uses his superpowers for good,” Sheppard said.

The magistrate looked one step away from being offended, so Teyla stepped in and gave her “our people differ in this custom” speech that segued nicely into her “let us bridge the gap between our two cultures” speech. While she smoothed things over and began the trade negotiations, Rodney continued trying to find the source of the energy spike his scanner had picked up.

”Doctor?” Rodney looked up to see Neven approaching him. “Can you spare a moment?”

“Sure, yes,” Rodney said, feeling self-conscious.

“I’m sorry that you perceived the magistrate’s offer as an insult. I assure you that…” he trailed off uncertainly and Rodney followed his gaze to see Sheppard standing a few feet away, one hand palming the end of his P90 as he listened to their conversation.

“Do you mind, Colonel?” Rodney said.

“What? Oh,” Sheppard said. “Right, I’ll just…” He gestured at Ronon on the other side of the courtyard with his thumb and walked away.

“Yeah, just,” Rodney said, making a shooing motion with his hand. “Sorry,” he said to Neven when Sheppard had moved far enough away.

Neven smiled faintly. “It is all right. As I had begun to explain, for the magistrate to offer the services of one of his citizens is a great compliment on Yalon. A bit archaic, I admit, but it was not meant to offend you or your people.”

Rodney shook his head vehemently. “I’m not offended. But on my planet, two people have…um…that is, they copulate….because they’re attracted to each other, not out of obligation.”

Neven looked alarmed and took a step forward, placing a hand on Rodney’s shoulder. “It was not out of obligation that I offered myself to you.”

Rodney swallowed around a suddenly dry throat. “Yes, well…I know that now. Thank you. If we had time, I’d want to. What I mean to say is, I’d…take you up on your…offer.” Rodney cringed and felt his face turn red.

Neven just grinned at him. “You’ll be coming back soon to study our machines, won’t you?”

“Yes!” Rodney said. “Soon. Very, very soon.”

“Well, until then,” Neven said, and let his hand trail down the length of Rodney’s arm before it fell back to his side.

Rodney licked his lips. “Very, very soon,” he repeated.

*

“Whatcha doin’, Rodney?” Sheppard asked, coming up from behind him.

Rodney barely spared him a glance. “Looking for that power source. Shouldn’t you be negotiating?”

“Teyla’s finishing up,” Sheppard said. “So, you and Neven seem friendly.”

Rodney glared at him. “Don’t even start, Colonel. I don’t have to justify myself to you.”

Sheppard held up his hands in surrender. “I wasn’t asking you to. Just…making an observation.”

“Well, keep your observations to yourself from now on,” Rodney said. “My personal life is none of your business.”

Sheppard stepped in front of him, making Rodney stop walking to avoid running into him. Sheppard looked unaccountably angry, and Rodney’s mind rewound their conversation to figure out what set Sheppard off.

“It becomes my business if it gets in the way of this mission,” Sheppard said after a tense moment.

Rodney’s mouth opened and closed a moment before he managed to sputter indignantly, “It won’t.”

“Good,” Sheppard said, and like that his ire disappeared and he was his usual, unflappable self once again.

“Dr. McKay!” the magistrate cried, interrupting what Rodney was about to say. “What can I give you to demonstrate our gratitude for these gifts you have bestowed upon us?”

“He was glad to help,” Sheppard said, “and it appears we’ve made a mutually beneficial trading agreement, so…”

“What about that?” Rodney cut in, pointing at the weird bird sculpture displayed at the other end of the hut. He’d finally pinpointed the power source.

The magistrate turned to look. “The Figure of Gritrimus?” he asked in confusion.

“Yeah, I’m…uh…something of a collector,” Rodney fumbled.

“Really?” the magistrate said, brow furrowing as though he didn’t believe him and was trying to figure out the angle Rodney was working.

“Oh yeah,” Sheppard said, coming to Rodney’s aid. “People on our world are always saying, ‘That Rodney McKay. Boy does he love…art.’”

“Thank you, Colonel,” Rodney said dryly.

“You have saved our people much discomfort and worked the will of Kandar. If that figure is the token you choose, then you shall have it,” the magistrate decided with a clap of his hands. “I will summon the guards to help you. Though the figure is small, it takes the strength of many men to carry it.”

Rodney waved his hand. “Don’t worry, Ronon here has the strength of many fork lifts.”

The magistrate gave him the “your ways are strange to me” look that Rodney had gotten used to even before relocating to another galaxy, then said, “So be it.”

“Ronon?” Sheppard urged, gesturing at the sculpture. Then softly so only Rodney could hear, “Explain.”

“It’s made of naquadah,” Rodney said.

Sheppard’s eyebrows rose appreciatively. “Nice.”

“Very nice,” Rodney corrected.

Ronon grunted with the effort of lifting the piece, and several of the guards moved forward to help him anyway. As they made their way towards the jumper, Rodney felt an unfamiliar attack of conscience at the sight of the Yalonians unknowingly giving up something so powerful.

He turned around and raised his hand at the natives looking on. “See you around. And, uh, thanks for the prostitutes. It was a nice thought.”

“Let’s go, McKay,” Sheppard hissed.

“Going,” Rodney said.

*
Back on Atlantis, Zelenka shrieked like a little girl when he saw all of the weapon’s grade naquadah that Ronon carried through the gate, and Rodney successfully convinced Elizabeth that they needed to get back to Yalon in a week instead of the month that Sheppard suggested. All in all, a satisfying ending to a very satisfying day. Plus, Rodney reminded himself, he still had Doctor Who to watch with Sheppard.

Rodney changed clothes and headed to Sheppard’s room. The door slid open without him having to knock.

“Colonel?” he called as he stepped in.

“Be out in a minute!” Sheppard called from the bathroom.

While he waited, Rodney kicked off his shoes and hopped on the bed, eagerly picking up the DVD set laying open on top of the sheets.

“Sorry,” Sheppard said, and Rodney tried not to stare at the way his black t-shirt clung damply to his chest and his bare toes peaked out from under the material of his jeans.

“Nice of you to leave me waiting,” he complained, for lack of anything better to say.

Sheppard climbed beside Rodney on the bed. “Oh please, it was two minutes,” he said. “Here.” He tossed a small package next to Rodney’s thigh.

Rodney picked it up and his eyes widened in delight. “Oreos!” he cried as he ripped open the six pack and immediately shoved one in his mouth. “Mmm…”

He graciously offered one to Sheppard, who took it. Rodney swallowed and traced his tongue across his teeth to remove the chocolate before he spoke. “Oreos and Doctor Who. Is it my birthday and I forgot?”

“I’m just a nice guy, Rodney,” Sheppard said while twisting open his cookie and licking at the frosting.

“You’d be nicer if you had milk,” Rodney said.

A bottle landed in his lap.

“Nesquik!” Rodney lovingly traced a finger over the label. “How did you get this?”

Sheppard smirked and folded his hands behind his head. “I’m not at liberty to reveal my sources.”

*

Sometime during the third episode, Sheppard’s knee nudged against Rodney’s.

“Oh, sorry,” Rodney said, and shifted out of the way.

*

Rodney raised his arm and blocked Sheppard’s stick, but the shock of the blow still brought him to his knees with a grunt.

“Where’s Teyla again?” he asked.

“Went to the mainland with Carson. Something about flu shots.” Sheppard reached down and Rodney allowed himself to be pulled back to his feet.

“Maybe this can wait until she gets back,” he said, rubbing his lowerback. He’d have a bruise the size of his fist there by tomorrow, he was sure.

“Come on, Rodney, we’re having fun!” Sheppard said, bouncing on his heels a bit. He looked smugly fresh and sweat-free, while Rodney was heaving breaths like an asthmatic and could feel lukewarm rivulets of sweat sliding down the back of his neck. Sheppard twirled the stick in his right hand.

“Show-off,” Rodney muttered. He blocked another hard blow and winced at the reverberations that ran up his arm. “Teyla makes it easier.”

Sheppard grinned sharply. “Now what good will that do you in a real fight?”

“You just like hitting me,” Rodney accused.

“It’s a perk, I’m not going to lie,” Sheppard said as they circled each other.

Rodney tried a fake-out move that Teyla had taught him. Sheppard anticipated it, and Rodney was flat on his back, his feet hit out from under him. Again, he used Sheppard’s arm as leverage to stand up.

Gingerly, he rotated his wrist and grimaced at the sharp pain that spiked through his arm. “I think it’s broken,” he said, getting back into the ready position.

“It’s not broken,” Sheppard said as he started with a few slow moves that Rodney blocked easily.

“Well, I’d like to keep it that way, if you don’t mind,” Rodney huffed, ducking as Sheppard’s stick whizzed close enough to his head that he felt the wind in his hair. “I’ll be working with my hands all day tomorrow in Yalon.”

“Oh, is that tomorrow?” Sheppard asked, and Rodney found himself on the mat again, all the breath knocked out of him.

He glared even as Sheppard dragged him back to his feet.

“Yes, that’s tomorrow, as you know. And I’d like to have all of my body parts in working order.”

“Speaking of,” Sheppard said, and wagged his eyebrows, “you and Neven?”

Rodney almost tripped over his own feet. “Oh no, I’m not talking about this.”

“Why not?” Sheppard asked, dodging Rodney’s left arm.

“You mean, why don’t I want to talk to the military leader of Atlantis about my potential homosexual encounter? Wait, let me think.” Rodney tapped a finger against his chin and pretended to contemplate it, only to lunge backwards when Sheppard’s stick flew perilously close to his kneecaps. “Watch it!”

“So there’s going to be sex then?”

“Not talking about this with you,” Rodney said, his arms pinwheeling wildly as he tried to keep his balance in the face of Sheppard’s attack.

“I don’t care if you’re gay, Rodney,” Sheppard said.

“You don’t?” he asked, surprised.

“Give me some credit, I grew up in San Francisco. It’s not you being gay that’s confusing me. It’s…I mean…Neven?”

That brought Rodney up short. “What do you mean? What’s wrong with him?”

“Nothing,” Sheppard said quickly. “He’s just kind of…”

“What?” Rodney prompted, bringing his right arm up to block Sheppard’s blow. “Kind of what?”

“Squirrelly,” Sheppard finished triumphantly, as if finding the right word.

“Squirrelly? How?”

“His face,” Sheppard said. “With the way it…” He scrunched his features until he looked like a child on the verge of a tantrum. “You know?”

“No,” Rodney said indignantly. “He does not look like that!”

“Maybe it was only me.”

“It was,” Rodney said. They sparred silently until Rodney asked, “Squirrelly, really?”

“I thought so,” Sheppard answered with a shrug.

“He’s still hot, though,” Rodney decided after a minute. Then, as he lay blinking up at the ceiling, “Ow! Jesus, Sheppard!”

*

Rodney was contemplating getting an ice pack from Carson when Colonel Sheppard showed up at his door.

He had enough time to say, “Wha…” before Sheppard nudged him back against the wall and cupped his face in both hands. Rodney had several microseconds to think, Oh my god, I think he’s going to kiss me, but it still didn’t prepare him for the feeling of Sheppard’s soft mouth against his.

Rodney stood frozen in shock, eyes wide.

After an awkward moment, Sheppard pulled back and moved away from Rodney, looking abashed. He dipped his head and massaged the back of his neck in a move meant to be as endearing as humanly possible.

“Ahh, Rodney,” he started.

Rodney didn’t let him finish. He fisted a hand in Sheppard’s shirt and yanked him forward, causing their mouths to bang together painfully.

“Ow, ow, ow,” Rodney said, pulling back to rub his mouth. “Am I bleeding?”

Sheppard gave a small laugh and placed a hand on the wall beside Rodney’s head. “No, you’re not bleeding.”

“That always works in movies,” Rodney said mournfully as he used his finger to check for loose teeth.

Sheppard’s grin widened and when he pressed his face against Rodney’s neck, Rodney felt it on his skin.

“For someone so smart, you really are a blind bastard,” Sheppard said.

“Hey!” Rodney said, indignant. “I am not!” He sighed when Sheppard’s mouth found his earlobe. “Oh, now that works. Yes, that definitely works.”

“I can’t believe you. What do I have to do?” Sheppard asked into his throat.

Rodney frowned. “I don’t understand.”

“I found you Oreos, Rodney. And you don’t even want to know what it took for Radek to give up those Doctor Who DVDs.”

“Are you saying you were hitting on me?” Rodney asked. “Seriously?”

“Any normal person would have figured it out months ago.”

“Well, we both know that I’m not normal.”

“No, you’re Dr. Fantastic,” Sheppard said with a snicker.

Rodney laughed and shoved his hand into Sheppard’s thick hair to urge his mouth back.

“Rodney?” Sheppard whispered into the shell of his ear minutes later when Rodney was tense and shivering from his attention. “Do me a favor.”

“Yes, what? Anything,” Rodney said, letting his eyes fall shut.

“Don’t go back to Yalon,” he said, his free hand tracing a distracting pattern on the bare skin of Rodney’s hip.

The words took a moment to register through the haze of lust surrounding Rodney’s brain, but once they did, he his eyes shot open. “Wait, what?”

“Don’t go back,” Sheppard repeated, punctuating his words with a warm, wet lick up the side of Rodney’s neck.

“I have to,” Rodney said, refusing to be sidetracked, even as he tipped back his head to give Sheppard better access.

“No, you don’t. I’ll send Lorne’s team instead,” Sheppard said.

That sounded reasonable enough, and it took Rodney several seconds realize why it wouldn’t work. “No, I mean, I have to because I promised Neven.” That was enough to get him thinking clearly. “Oh my god, you’re jealous!”

Sheppard pulled away, and he actually looked embarrassed.

“You are, you so are!” Rodney crowed.

“Do we have to talk about this now?” Sheppard whined. He tried to move back in, but Rodney put a hand on his chest to stop him.

“Yes, we do have to talk about it now. You’re jealous.” He tried the words out and and grinned. “You. Are. Jealous.”

“Rodney…” Sheppard warned, and the rolling timbre of the threat in his voice made Rodney groan.

“I can’t believe I didn’t see it before. Squirrelly, my ass. He is hot and you know it!”

“You’re not going back there,” Sheppard said.

“But I promised,” Rodney said, to see how far he could push it.

“Don’t care,” Sheppard said, pulling Rodney away from the wall by his belt loops.

“I wouldn’t want to be impolite.”

Sheppard snorted and pushed Rodney back on the bed before crawling over him. “Say you won’t go back and I’ll suck you off right now.”

Rodney traced Sheppard’s mouth with two fingers and grinned up at the ceiling. “Well, in that case, get to it, Hair Product Boy.”

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